03/04/2026
Ok friends you asked for an Ernest story here ya go!
IYKYK😂
Me: Ernest, come here man. I wanna talk to you.
Ernest: Sup pops........whats good?
Me: Ernest, is there any way at all that you'd possibly know why my dental plan has been maxed out already and we're just starting the 3rd month of the year?..........and also why on my dental statement I have multiple charges for Caprine veneers?
Ernest: What that mean pops..........you bustin caps?
Me: No, I'm certainly not bustin caps, and I know you absolutely know what that means. You ain't fooling me kid.
Ernest: Look......Imma be honest with you and keep it 100.
Things got a Lil sideways at the rodeo last week, and next thing you know, there I am covered in whipped cream, wearing Eva's bathing suit and missing 2 teeth.
Me: Uh................I can't believe I'm gonna say this but Ernest, I'm hooked and I'm gonna need to hear this story.
Ernest: Look pops, I ain't proud of using all the dental coverage, but I had to get my business all fixed up in my mouth. The ladies like my teeth.
Me: Uh un kid.........tell me what happened. You're not changing the subject.
Ernest. Look, here's how it went down. Ty asked me if I wanted to go to the rodeo last week and me........being the outgoing kinda fella I am, decided yeah let's do it. Well, one thing leads to another and by this time I'm several beers in. Ty dares me to take part in the bikini model hog wrangling event.........Never one to back down, I obviously accepted. Long story short, I'm standing there in a girls bathing suit, covered in hog p**p and whipped cream and missing 2 teeth. That big sow they call Merthel ain't no joke. She hit me so hard that pellets shot out and the only vision I could see in my head was of them door to door Bible salesman asking me if I knew our lord and savior Jesus Christ. I thought man, I ain't never met him, but big Merthel just paid for a ticket for me to go see him. I made Ty find my teeth and point me in the direction of the truck and off to the emergency dentist we went.
Me: I'm truly speechless Ernest. I ain't even mad, I just need more of this story.......and did Ty get this on video? And where did you get beer man?
Ernest: Is the beer really important. I'm so glad my misfortune entertains you pops........now I don't feels bad for getting the gold veneers.
Me: What.........let me see your teeth fool. You better not have gold in your mouth.
Ernest: Ha, got you. Look pops, they all white, better than new.
Me: You're killing me goat. No more dental alterations.........having said that, I'm gonna need to hear more about Merthel.
Ernest: Absolutely not, we're done here and if you dont stop asking questions, I'm gonna tell mom you knocked my teeth out and tried to hide it.
Me: Touche` Ernest, you win for now...........til I find that video.
