01/13/2024
One year ago today my father left this life. Exactly six months ago I supported a dear friend and dharma brother to end his suffering through medical aid in dying (MAID) as his death doula. Just over three months ago I received word my oldest niece died tragically at the young age of 27.
In the midst of such bereavement and grief the feelings sometimes felt overwhelming, like being at sea in the midst of a storm. You know the feeling. Like death and grieving it's a universal experience. It's helpful to remember that- that these common life experiences aren't merely personal but are part of the fabric of life itself. It's helpful to know that if and when I experience loss, heartbreak and suffering that it isn't because the universe is somehow conspiring against me, though I may feel lonely and alone, lost in the illusion that it is only me experiencing something.
As a meditator I know with the certainty of experience that no mental or emotional state lasts, that life is constantly changing. I know this from paying close attention to my experience over time- watching it arise, persist for a time then fade away. If I observe my experience closely I see that it is constantly shifting and changing. From this the wise learn not to grasp and hold on to what is pleasant or push away what is unpleasant. We only suffer more when we try. Why add suffering on top of the pain inherent in existence? I try to remember this often because I prefer less suffering to more these days. So I learn to pay attention and recognize where I can choose to suffer less and where I have no choice. No point in being distressed about the latter.
Sometimes all there is to do is stop and breathe. Stay with it and ride out the storm, breath after breath. Storms don't last. The only thing I know of that can overcome great sorrow is great love.-to remain open to life and vulnerable with the fierce courage of a warrior. Some days it is easier than others. But that's ok, because things are always changing. For whatever time I have left in this life I want to be here. Really BE HERE for ALL of it, present to all of it. This is how I'm choosing to honor the great privilege of being alive. Oh, and being of service and doing what I can, while I can, with what I've got. Tomorrow, if it comes, is a new day. And every day I get to choose.
May All beings be happy.
May All beings be peaceful.
May All beings be liberated.
