Rivka Geoghegan, MFT Individual and Couples Therapy

02/04/2019

I find this article to be wonderfully true!!

What you need is a partner who gets it — who understands that it’s going to be tough and who’s prepared to dive in anyway.

05/04/2017

As a couples counselor I often see people struggle with high expectations that their relationship should always feel good, exciting and how it felt at the beginning. The transition from the early honeymoon phase to everyday life and relating often makes people feel that something is wrong or missing from their partnership. The article below speaks to some of the truths of long term partnership that don't fit this idealistic image. I offer it because it is my experience that there is great depth and fulfillment available when we get real about the ebbs and flows of relationship and learn to appreciate them as a part of commitment as oppose to some imagined problem that creates suffering and unrealistic expectations.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/38-hard-truths-about-relationships

Our culture creates the expectation that life is supposed to be like a happy day at the beach, yet we all know that real life is far from a unilaterally joyful experience. Nowhere does our culture

02/22/2017

This is a new Online course which I highly recommend. It is focused on learning the basic practice of the Diamond Heart Approach, which is the most comprehensive spiritual path I know. It includes understanding our psychology and offers us ways to use our direct experience as a vehicle for deeper self knowledge and unfoldment. Taught by the founders and senior teachers of the approach, it is a path that has influenced my own life and work profoundly so I wanted to share it with you.

http://www.soundstrue.com/store/inquiry?sq=1&utm_source=bronto&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=C170221-AL-Sell1&utm_content=Registration+Now+Open+for+Inquiry+-+The+Vehicle+of+Endless+Enlightenment&_bta_tid=331145992476000578196068934431538432310137406277430454406295177020432471058470950782978&_bta_c=0odb11pn1ju2s9so9n5jmeyar3qis

04/13/2016

This speaks beautifully to
Vulnerability as openness instead of weakness, as maturity and the truth of our essence as humans.

https://www.facebook.com/rivka.geoghegan/posts/10153602909116519

VULNERABILITY

is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever present and abiding under-current of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others. More seriously, in refusing our vulnerability we refuse to ask for the help needed at every turn of our existence and immobilize the essential, tidal and conversational foundations of our identity.

To have a temporary, isolated sense of power over all events and circumstances, is a lovely illusory privilege and perhaps the prime beautifully constructed conceit of being human and most especially of being youthfully human, but it is a privilege that must be surrendered with that same youth, with ill health, with accident, with the loss of loved ones who do not share our untouchable powers; powers eventually and most emphatically given up, as we approach our last breath.

The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability, how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance, our choice is to inhabit vulnerability as generous citizens of loss, robustly and fully, or conversely, as misers and complainers, reluctant, and fearful, always at the gates of existence, but never bravely and completely attempting to enter, never wanting to risk ourselves, never walking fully through the door...
©2015 David Whyte
‘VULNERABILITY’ From CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words
MANY RIVERS PRESS
http://www.davidwhyte.com/consolations.html
and Amazon.com

Help Along the Road
Photo © David Whyte
Inishboffin, Connemara.
July 2015

02/03/2016

Laura Close, thanks for asking to hear more of my thoughts on the conscious relationship article I posted last week! When I work with couples some of the most common conflicts are centered around how people communicate and how they attempt to get their needs met. The relationship tends to focus on the flaws of the other and many people come to therapy thinking they are going to fix their partner. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking only leads to finger pointing, blaming, and does not actually create any kind of lasting change. What I try to help couples see and embrace is that all dynamics are created together, each person plays some part in what is happening in the relationship. If each person can be equally curious about their own role in the issue as well as their partners, there is tremendous possibility to see things about yourself that you would not otherwise see. Your partner and relational dynamics can show you a great deal about yourself, your strengths and the places you need to grow. In that way, the relationship is not something to fix or perfect but it is an ongoing opportunity to work together to see more of yourself, your limitations and capacities. It is not always easy or comfortable to see your personal edges but the overall love, safety and holding of the partnership makes to possible to take that chance and when you are able to bring a better or newer self forward it is actually just as fulfilling as when your partner makes a change you are hoping to see. Therefore the relationship is a place to work on change and to support each others growth. This then becomes a shared empowering intention and a new foundation to experience conflict and the more challenging dynamics. In this way, no one is a victim to the other and there is a mutual understanding and goal of learning, growing and appreciating the relationship as a vehicle for that purpose.

01/31/2016

Recently I was talking to a couple about viewing their relationship as a vehicle for growth and maturation. This article conveys sentiments that many couples find supportive and deeply meaningful.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21277/the-4-qualities-of-a-conscious-relationship.html

We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isn’t working. People are unsatisfied in love; people don’t know how to make

01/04/2016

I appreciate this perspective on how to move towards what you want while accepting all the ups and down of life. A new measure of success and how to hold intentions in a more holistic way.

http://qz.com/584874/you-probably-know-to-ask-yourself-what-do-i-want-heres-a-way-better-question/

If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous it doesn’t mean anything.

11/21/2015

A powerful approach to being with reactivity and emotions.

https://www.facebook.com/DiamondApproach/posts/980709878638521

11/03/2015

As many cultures honor and celebrate deceased ancestors today on Dia De Los Mu***os, I am moved to reflect on the impact loosing loved ones can have on us. Grief and loss are deep painful experiences that have their own rhythm and process. Although we think of loss as a difficult and negative experience, it is often the case that profound loss can open us up and bring us closer to life. Our heart hurts when we lose someone because we are being separated from someone we love. In fact, that process of heartbreak can actually render the heart more open, allowing us to take in more of life around us. It can bring a deeper appreciation for what we have, the relationships that surround us, and the things we love about living. Losing someone also reminds us that life is finite which can realign us with a dedication to the present and to living as full a life as possible. I often hear clients say that after losing a loved one they recognized the preciousness of life more and began to appreciate it in a whole new way. Things can become brighter, crisper and more immediately palpable, bringing a new depth to our experience of the world. This does not mean the grief or pain goes away, but rather that it can be transformed and used as a portal to optimize the heart's functioning, through the tenderness and hurt being experienced. It is hard to allow deep pain to be felt, and it is good to follow your own pace with it yet it can also be a doorway to feeling life more fully and directly as your loss opens your heart to a more vast experience of love.

10/17/2015

"The point of a relationship is not for you to have all of your life’s problems fixed by your partner, nor is it for you to fix all of your partner’s life problems.

"The point of a relationship is to have two individuals unconditionally support each other as they deal with their own problems together."

"A wise friend of mine told me years ago that after two divorces the most important lesson he learned was that “the quickest way to kill a relationship is to take each other for granted.”

"A relationship is not an obligation. It is a choice. Made every day. It is a choice that says, The intimacy we share is better for me than my own self-gratification.” It is a choice that recognizes the short-term costs are worth the long-term benefits. It is a choice to appreciate what brought you two together in the first place. And then to let that keep you there."

-from an article by Mark Manson

10/07/2015

A little nugget from my work week...enjoy.

People who have had difficult parental relationships often expect to simply move on from the pain and hardship they endured in these relationships. Many compare their experience to that of others, concluding that, “it wasn’t as bad or traumatizing as it could have been so I should be able to ju…

10/06/2015

It is so inspiring when I see people letting go of limited beliefs about themselves in order to find a more true self they can rely on and believe in. Its so relieving and inspiring for them and so gratifying for me. There is no reason we should think we are any less than we really are, although our lives and histories do not always support this idea. We need to grow into it and through it.