08/21/2025
Lately, I have seen so much of this in my work, where I have had to point out to others that what they may view as “crazy” can sometimes truly be the impact of true Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from living with an abuser. This does not just apply to women, as I have seen plenty of male victims of abuse as well. There is nothing worse than when a person survives abuse, and then is gaslighted by the very people that they need support from - just because the abuser comes across as the calm narrator of the story. It is our job as professionals in the family law field to dig deeper into the story and find out where the behaviors stem from because trauma can impact the nervous system in ways one cannot imagine unless they have been through it themselves, and we all need to look deeply and carefully at each situation.
**Sometimes that crazy ex-girlfriend who’s acting PSYCHO is really the victim telling the truth about her abuser.**
Society loves to slap labels on women—*crazy, jealous, bitter, unstable.* It’s an easy way to dismiss her pain without ever asking what she’s been through. But behind the name-calling, behind the rolled eyes and whispered gossip, there is often a very different story—one of abuse, betrayal, and trauma.
When someone escapes a toxic, narcissistic relationship, they often carry deep emotional wounds. The gaslighting, lies, infidelity, manipulation, and cruelty leave scars that don’t just disappear the moment the relationship ends. Instead, the victim may appear emotional, angry, or “obsessed,” not because they’re unstable, but because they’re trying desperately to be heard, to be believed, and to make sense of the chaos they endured.
Meanwhile, the narcissist is usually calm, charming, and collected in public. They paint themselves as the reasonable one, the victim of a “hysterical” or “crazy” ex. They smear her reputation, telling anyone who will listen that she’s unstable or obsessed with them. This tactic—known as the smear campaign—is one of the narcissist’s favorite weapons. It deflects attention from their own abusive behavior and shifts all blame onto the survivor.
What people often don’t realize is that the so-called “crazy ex” is reacting to very real trauma. She may be speaking out because she’s tired of being silenced. She may be emotional because she was lied to, cheated on, degraded, or abandoned. She may appear relentless because she is fighting for truth in a world that has been twisted against her.
It’s important to understand that her intensity is not proof of her instability—it’s evidence of the abuse she’s endured. A person can only hold in betrayal and pain for so long before it erupts. And when it does, it often doesn’t look “pretty” or “composed.” But that doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.
So the next time someone calls an ex “crazy,” pause before believing it. Ask yourself who benefits from that label. More often than not, the one calling her crazy is the very person who drove her to the breaking point. Sometimes, the so-called psycho is actually the survivor—and the only crazy thing about her is that she dared to tell the truth.
