05/30/2025
I've realized over the years that this phrase, "I am here and you are there," is a tricky one. If you're like me and many of the clients I've worked with, then you have experienced relationships where this phrase doesn't match. There are people who create a dynamic in relationships that go by many clinical names. (enmeshment, triangulation, codependency) These types of relationships are typically unhealthy and leave lasting effects.
If you have experienced a relationship like this, then you have felt a sort of twisting of your internal world. It can begin to feel like you are fused with another person. If they aren't OK, then you aren't OK. Even their mere presence ignites something within you. You might feel your brain or body get activated, and you feel edgy or nervous.
Unfortunately, these things can become normal, and you don't realize this isn't the way they are supposed to be. When you're with a safe person, their presence can bring a sense of calm. Your body and brain can relax. You can feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. You feel a sense of being in yourself without needing to overcomensate or sacrifice something of yourself on their behalf.
Consider this an invitation to be curious about how you feel in your past or present relationships. When have you felt more activated, and why? How much responsibility do you take for the well-being of others? When did this become normal?
