Doug Shimmel, LPC

05/27/2023

Words to live by: no one ever has the right to change who you are, and you don’t have to stay if that’s what they’re asking.

12/02/2022

This is a good reason to spend the darker months of winter hitting the weights or weight machines - ward off that seasonal depression!

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10159443065473845&id=15687708844&mibextid=qC1gEa

Muscle tissue communicates directly with the brain.

09/20/2022

Things are rarely what they seem. Everyone has their own struggles, and most of them aren’t easily seen.

09/17/2022

Truth. Have a great weekend, everyone!

06/05/2022

Everyone should take a minute to read this. We often never know what to say to someone who is experiencing the the pain of grief, so we fill the space with empty platitudes or even say hurtful and/or offensive comments. These 6 things are the difference between showing love to someone grieving and trying to assuage your discomfort at someone else’s pain.
https://www.facebook.com/100059557658472/posts/443663477628904/?d=n

Potential missteps in how we express our sympathy to others often emerge from our discomfort in witnessing another person in pain. But this advice from grief experts helps reframe how words can support people whose loved ones have died.

02/10/2022

A lot of couples need to hear this.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CZyZxEQgYCY/?utm_medium=copy_link

03/19/2021

Great article about how things cool off in relationships: awareness of how it begins gives insight how to fix it.

3 signs indicate a partner may have a low emotional intelligence.

01/22/2021

A gentle start up has a much better chance for a constructive discussion rather than an argument.

"'96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of the interaction.' - Dr. John Gottman

This statistic is the reason why it’s so important to use a softened start-up when bringing things up with a partner(s). What does that sound like? Here are some examples:

Instead of ➡️ “You never listen to me.”
Softer ➡️ “I’m not feeling heard.”

Instead of ➡️ “You’re always working, we never spend any time together.”
Softer ➡️ “I would really like to spend more time with you.”

Instead of ➡️ “We never have s*x anymore.”
Softer ➡️ “I miss having s*x with you.”

Something else that’s important is the timing of bringing things up. If one or both (or more) of you are in survival mode (i.e. fight/flight/freeze or what the Gottmans call flooded), it may help to take a pause for self-soothing before bringing up your needs or concerns."

Softening the start-up of your arguments and complaints is crucial to resolving relationship conflicts. Read how to soften your start-up: http://bit.ly/2Mda8qX

Words and graphic by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

03/19/2020

Stay safe, everyone. It appears we’ve only scratched the surface of what this virus is. It seems that young people are not as immune as we thought.

Stark new data from the U.S. and Europe suggests people younger than 50 have a higher risk from coronavirus complications than many realize.

02/13/2018

It seems that I've spent a lot of the last 10 years of my life struggling and failing to lose weight. I have a diet that works and is medically supervised, yet sticking to it has been really tough for me. I like food and drink. I found something this morning that is relatively obvious but really clicked with me: "Change your mindset about food and eating. Recognize that you can eat whatever you want whenever you want OR you can be thinner. You can’t have it both ways." I say "can't" pretty often when I talk about food or drink, but the reality is, I can. I can have whatever I want, but not everything is going to help me reach my weight goals.

Most things in life are much the same. We go through life telling ourselves that we "can't" do certain things. I've never met anyone who didn't enjoy that which is forbidden. Maybe we need to start changing the way we think about any change we want to make in our lives. It's not that we "can't" have or do anything. The true question we must ask is instead, "Will this help me reach my goals?" or maybe more appropriately, "Is this beneficial to me?" We are our worst enemies in the process of change, but mindset is the base for any significant change we want to make in our lives, whether it's losing weight or having the strength to leave a toxic relationship.

01/16/2018

We all have blind spots in our lives. These are the areas that either we can’t see or refuse to acknowledge, but they are often what drives most of the dysfunction in our lives. A skilled counselor is useful for helping to see these things. Often, once we are aware of these blind spots, moving past them isn’t as difficult as we think.

01/15/2018

Couples often take their relationship for granted because of the bonds and commonality they share. However, just like any other relationship, if you don’t invest time and effort, it won’t last. Are any of the 4 cancers of criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and/or contempt present in your relationship? If they are, NOW is the time to get help. Get started at www.dougshimmel.com