Couple Steps Marriage Coaching

10/15/2022

11/08/2019

The harmless eye-roll….or so we think!

Looking for a quick wordless way to tell your spouse you despise them and think they are worthless?
Just roll your eyes…that will do it. In a millisecond your spouse perceives a clear message you see yourself as a better human being and hold little or no respect for them. That’s not a great message to be sending if you are desiring to build connection and intimacy! Continue this and other deadly patterns long enough (defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism) and marriage researcher John Gottman predicts with strikingly high accuracy (90 %) that a relationship is heading toward a deep dark hole.

The way out:

The antidote for this venomous relationship killer is to first name and own this behavior in yourself, seek forgiveness from your spouse, and replace contempt with fondness and admiration. This is easier said than done and it takes humility profound humility. Just as turning an ocean freighter takes incredible energy and time, repairing the harm in marriage must be intentionally and patiently, yet expectantly.

A tip from the previously crowned king of contempt:

Take ownership and seek forgiveness with sincerity, and do not expect an immediate softening of your spouse’s heart. If and when it happens, be grateful for the unexpected kindness, forgiveness and acceptance. What you just received is called “grace”, something forgiven and yet undeserved, a gift. It’s a myth that time alone heals harm. Intentionally processing relational hurt, harm and disappointment with a sense of regret and grief of relationship over time is a better path. And the joy that comes from that type of healing and journey is worth looking forward to!

Press on,
Neal and Ruth
Couple Steps Marriage Coaching

10/15/2019

Ruth and I are now offering online/remote marriage coaching through Zoom. For those who cannot meet with us in person, this is a powerful alternative pathway to experience our care, insight and guidance. Every marriage goes through seasons of disconnect or at times deeper challenges and distance. We just made it convenient for more couples to work with us!

Contact us today VIA our website to schedule a session:
couplesteps.com

Press on,

Neal and Ruth

09/03/2019

This is a quote from one of my favorite people, Dan Allender. This truth is especially true in marriage. When I can honestly name and own my behaviors and attitudes is when my wife begins to let down her understandable guard... and let me take a step toward her, a step toward restoration. If you desire to take your marriage to a deeper, more connected level, we can help.

04/08/2019

Want to do something meaningful and impactful for your family this summer? Invest in your marriage. We can help!

02/13/2019

Winter is just a season, it does not define us. Reach out, take your partner’s hand. That simple act can bring on the thaw!

02/04/2019

Why the silence? It’s usually a wall of protection. Maybe it’s time to speak up?

02/04/2019

Why are we so reluctant to share our past? Fear? Shame? Sharing is risky and worth it.

01/30/2019

Attuning to the emotions that drive conflict is the path back to each other. We can help.

01/28/2019

Keep pressing on....it's worth it. Struggling with your steps? We can help.