Yvette Erasmus, PsyD

04/20/2026

Why do we get defensive in conversations with the people we care about?

Sometimes defensiveness looks like arguing or pushing back. But it can also show up in quieter ways: freezing when someone makes a request, explaining ourselves over and over, or trying to control the situation so we don’t feel uncomfortable.

In this week's episode, I explore two common relational moments: one where someone freezes when a request is made, and another where a couple gets caught in defensiveness and subtle power struggles around autonomy and values.

Defensiveness isn’t something “bad” about us. It’s a form of self-protection. Our nervous system is trying to protect something important—our dignity, our autonomy, our belonging.

The question isn’t how to eliminate defensiveness.

The question is how we can learn to work with it in ways that create more understanding and connection.

Listen to Learn

• Why defensiveness often shows up as freezing, explaining, or controlling rather than arguing

• How to respond skillfully when requests trigger a defensive reaction

• A simple shift that helps conversations move from power struggles to understanding

https://zurl.co/qraS4

Why do we get defensive in conversations with the people we care about?Sometimes defensiveness looks like arguing or pushing back. But it can also show up in quieter ways: freezing when someone makes a request, explaining ourselves over and over, ...

04/13/2026

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do after a breakup is not to force a friendship too quickly.

Because friendship requires emotional neutrality… and if our nervous system still recognizes the other person as home, we have a mismatch.

This week on Conversations from the Heart, our listener asks: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex, and if so, what makes it work?

Dave and his former partner went through a conscious uncoupling process and are now attempting to rebuild their relationship as friends. But as they reconnect, they find themselves slipping back into familiar patterns that once strained their romantic partnership.

Dave wonders whether there might be blind spots in how he’s showing up, and whether understanding those blind spots could help them move forward with more ease. Ultimately, we arrive at a hard truth: It's very difficult to create a low-intensity friendship with someone whose nervous system still feels some attachment echoes.

In this episode https://zurl.co/PdwBw we explore:

•Can exes really stay friends after a breakup?

•Why emotional timelines rarely match after relationships end

•How attachment wounds can keep relational patterns alive

•The difference between observing a situation and participating in it

•Why intention and impact can feel so different in communication

•The challenge of staying authentic without over-managing another person’s emotions

•Boundaries, grief, and emotional “dosage” after a breakup

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection.

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting https://zurl.co/zSRd4.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

Join the School of Human Connection
Hop on my free Wednesday live call
Follow me on YouTube

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do after a breakup is not to force a friendship too quickly.Because friendship requires emotional neutrality… and if our nervous system still recognizes the other person as home, we have a mismatch.&nb...

04/12/2026

Relational leadership isn’t people-pleasing and it isn’t weakness.

In this episode, we explore how to lead with empathy and clarity in high-stakes professional settings. Through two real leadership scenarios involving negotiation and supervision, we unpack how to stay relational without over-giving, avoid power struggles, and focus conversations on impact, responsibility, and shared outcomes.

This is a grounded, practical look at empathy as a leadership skill, not a personality trait.

We explore:

Why empathic leadership is not codependence, people-pleasing, or self-betrayal

How to negotiate boundaries, fees, and expectations without defensiveness or guilt

What to do when a supervisory relationship is strained and performance still matters

How shifting from personality to observable behaviors restores authority and reduces conflict https://zurl.co/3UXWy

Relational leadership isn’t people-pleasing and it isn’t weakness.In this episode, we explore how to lead with empathy and clarity in high-stakes professional settings. Through two real leadership scenarios involving negotiation and supervision, w...

03/24/2026

We crossed 100,000 downloads last month - Whoohooo! and

What moves me most is not the number, but what it represents:

Real people, doing real work.
Turning toward themselves.
Choosing honesty, compassion, and connection, again and again and again.

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for practicing.

Thank you for being part of a conversation that I truly believe makes the world a little more humane.

See you tomorrow morning for our next live call!

A weekly, soul-nourishing podcast offering psychologically grounded, heart-centered reflections on human relationships, inner healing, and compassion-based communication.  Focused on live mini-coaching moments to help callers shift from reactive, domination-based communication to collaborative, hea...

12/23/2025

My favorite puppy in the whole wide world just turned one!

12/23/2025

Holiday conversations can stir up old patterns ... tight bodies, fast hearts, familiar roles ... no matter how much we want to do better.
This short preview touches on choice, regulation, and presence.

Inside The School of Human Connection (yvetteerasmus.com/membership), the full 16-minute bonus video goes much deeper: how to resource your nervous system, avoid the trap of side-taking, practice discernment about when (and whether) to speak, and take small, courageous steps that protect your integrity without losing your humanity.

If you want support navigating family and holiday conversations with more steadiness, clarity, and compassion, join us in the School to watch the full video. https://zurl.co/YT46q

12/15/2025

What if becoming more human was something we can all practice together?

I’m opening the doors to The School of Human Connection: A living, breathing space for people who want to relate with more clarity, compassion, and courage.

Here, we leave "fixing" ourselves and others behind, and instead embrace learning how to stay present, honest, and kind, especially when things get messy.

You get instant access to
• Practical teachings on connection, boundaries, and emotional literacy
• Live practice spaces with me and also community calls where you can practice your skills and get deep empathy from one another (because insight without embodiment doesn’t stick)
• A thoughtful community of humans who care about how they show up

If you’re longing for relationships that feel more alive (and a way of being that feels more you) I am warmly inviting you to join me!

✨ $50 off your first month when you sign up before December 31st.

Your Questions Are Welcome!
(You all know I love good questions!)

12/08/2025

🌿 This Sunday at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community 🌿
“Celebrating What’s Right With the World”
🕥 10:30–11:30am
📍 4401 South Upton Ave, Minneapolis
💛 Free & open to all

I’ll be offering an interactive, heart-centered exploration of what happens when we pause our doomscrolling tendencies, soften our confirmation biases toward “everything is terrible,” and let ourselves notice the good that’s already here.

Not in a sugar-coating way. Not in a spiritual-bypass way.
But in a clear-eyed, psychologically grounded, relationally alive way.

If you’re craving a space where:

✨ curiosity trumps perfection
✨ connection wins over cynicism
✨ and wonder gets to sit at the grown-ups’ table

…come join me.

We’ll gather, reflect, and co-create a bit of collective nourishment for these wild times.

Bring a friend. Bring your skepticism. Bring your longing for something more hopeful and coherent.

Would love to see you there. 💛

12/08/2025

🌿 This Sunday at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community 🌿
“Celebrating What’s Right With the World”
🕥 10:30–11:30am
📍 4401 South Upton Ave, Minneapolis
💛 Free & open to all

I’ll be offering an interactive, heart-centered exploration of what happens when we pause our doomscrolling tendencies, soften our confirmation biases toward “everything is terrible,” and let ourselves notice the good that’s already here.

Not in a sugar-coating way. Not in a spiritual-bypass way.
But in a clear-eyed, psychologically grounded, relationally alive way.

If you’re craving a space where:

✨ curiosity trumps perfection
✨ connection wins over cynicism
✨ and wonder gets to sit at the grown-ups’ table

…come join me.

We’ll gather, reflect, and co-create a bit of collective nourishment for these wild times.

Bring a friend. Bring your skepticism. Bring your longing for something more hopeful and coherent.

Would love to see you there. 💛

10/21/2025

For every coach, leader, visionary, healer and human-with-a-story-to-tell, the Author Adventure is your definitive gravel guide on the journey of book writing. It's out today!!!!

05/28/2025

Join me tomorrow!

🗓 Thursday, May 29th | 🕕 6:00pm–7:30pm Central | 💻 Live on Zoom

04/16/2024

Ever felt that surge of energy, those raw emotions bubbling up inside you? In the world of nonviolent communication, they call it letting your jackal go for a run—a safe space to unleash those intense feelings without causing harm.

It's about reconnecting with your passion, your convictions, your wisdom—grounding yourself in authenticity and integrity. Taking the time to explore these emotions allows you to find clarity, understanding, and the words you need.

Then, armed with this newfound insight, you can navigate conversations with wisdom and compassion. Let's embrace our inner jackal and transform its energy into meaningful connection.