12/25/2025
Jungian psychoanalyst James Hollis writes that somewhere around midlife, our provisional selves begin to break down.
The provisional self is a patterned way of maneuvering through the world to make life work. It is a set of strategies and habits formed early on, often in response to family dynamics, peer expectations, or adversity. It helps us survive, feel secure, and find solid ground. But it is not our true self.
That identity always reaches an expiration date. And the soul is not above using crisis to initiate us into a more authentic way of life. It may show up as infidelity or boredom in your marriage, exhaustion or disillusionment in your career, or an unsettling loss of faith.
The problem is that we often interpret these moments through the lens of failure rather than as a summons. Relying on unhealthy patterns, or requiring the world outside of us to validate us, becomes a shortcut that bypasses the harder work growth requires.
So if you are facing a crisis, you will need to deal with the debris. But after that, ask what your life might be inviting you to confront, claim, or become.
Growth is not rebuilding the old self more efficiently or fixing what broke. It is thanking what helped you endure, burying it with dignity, and doing the slow work that allows something more honest to emerge from the rubble.
What looks like collapse may be the beginning of a more honest life.
