Aarti Tejuja

09/14/2025

My family sometimes asks me what made me become a Buddhist.
It’s moments like this — when grief and harm collide, and I refuse to choose only one.

In the U.S., politics has become a sport: two teams, endless rivalry.
And if you name suffering — ICE raids, hunger when SNAP is cut, daily gun deaths, the opioid crisis — people assume you’ve joined one team or the other.

But these aren’t partisan issues. They’re human ones.
The fact that basic dignity has been turned into a political scoreboard is the real hypocrisy.

Some people say, “I’m in the middle.”
What they mean is: I won’t celebrate if someone on the “other side” is killed.
I’ve even seen people mourn the death of a public figure who openly blessed violence — while ignoring the countless unnamed deaths happening every day. That’s the middle seat: decency without paradox.

The Buddhist Middle Way is different.
It’s refusing the game itself.
It’s grieving a death and naming the harm that person caused.
It’s seeing humanity and holding accountability.

I know this isn’t comfortable. At my uncle’s funeral, I spoke about both the grief I felt for him and the harm he caused our family. Some family members told me later they were grateful I named what was true. Others, in the moment, could not accept it — choosing positivity over complexity.

Still, here’s what I know: the middle way feels right in my body. When I choose it, my breath comes deeper, my shoulders soften, I feel steady on the ground. I will not give up living this way just because others are uncomfortable. I want that steadiness for them too. But there is no freedom in making everything “all good” in the name of moving on.

The middle seat is detachment.
The middle way is courage.

This is what the Buddha meant by the middle way — not bland neutrality, but the courage to walk between extremes. Centuries later, Nāgārjuna named it Mādhyamaka: the truth that everything arises through relationship.

Not the middle seat.
The middle way.

May we have the courage to hold humanity and harm together.
May we remember that belonging is not a team sport.
And may we live from the truth of interdependence.

My family sometimes asks me what made me become a Buddhist.
Here it is, very clear.

10/11/2024

Children want parents who are not only present but whole—healed from their traumas and aware of their mental health. When parents carry unresolved pain, it often spills into the home, creating an emotional environment that children absorb. Kids are sensitive, especially to the unspoken weight of a parent’s unhealed wounds. They may not understand it fully, but they feel it—the tension, the distance, the sadness. This is why it’s so important for parents to address their trauma and mental health, not just for their own sake, but for the emotional safety of their children.

When parents are battling mental health challenges in silence, children often pick up on the emotional turmoil and may even start to blame themselves. They wonder if they did something wrong, if they’re the reason their parent is hurting. It’s heartbreaking to think that a child’s innocent mind could carry the burden of adult pain, but it happens more often than we realize. Children need parents who are willing to do the hard work of healing, showing them that it's okay to confront the shadows of the past, instead of being consumed by them.

Trauma has a way of passing from one generation to the next. Parents who don’t address their own wounds often, unintentionally, pass them on to their children. It’s not out of malice, but out of unawareness. A mother’s unresolved grief may show up in her lack of emotional availability. A father’s buried anger may come out in moments of harshness. Children don’t just inherit eye color or mannerisms; they inherit emotional legacies. Healing breaks that cycle and offers children a chance to grow up free from carrying the weight of their parents' pasts.

Mental health, when neglected, casts a long shadow over the home. Children want to feel secure, but when a parent is drowning in depression, anxiety, or unaddressed trauma, the home can feel unstable, like walking on eggshells. This emotional instability leaves deep scars on a child’s heart, teaching them that love is fragile, inconsistent, or conditional. But when parents take their mental health seriously, they model resilience, self-compassion, and the importance of prioritizing well-being.

Children need to see their parents as emotionally available, capable of holding space for their feelings without being overwhelmed by their own. It’s hard for a child to seek comfort from a parent who is too lost in their own pain to offer it. When a parent is consumed by trauma, it becomes harder to be fully present with their child’s needs. But healing creates space—for joy, for connection, for truly seeing and loving your child for who they are, without the weight of your own hurt clouding that love.

Mental health is often invisible, but its impact on parenting is profound. A parent who struggles to manage their mental health might be less patient, more irritable, or emotionally distant, even if they don’t mean to be. Children internalize these reactions, sometimes believing that they are not lovable or worthy of consistent affection. The pain of feeling unloved because a parent is lost in their own emotional turmoil can leave lasting wounds on a child’s self-esteem.

There’s a deep vulnerability in admitting that as a parent, you are struggling. But children need that vulnerability. They need to see that it’s okay to not always be okay, that healing is possible, and that love and mental health go hand in hand. When parents seek help—whether through therapy, support groups, or simply acknowledging their pain—they teach their children the importance of self-care, emotional honesty, and the courage it takes to heal.

Parenting through trauma requires grace and forgiveness, both for yourself and your children. Mistakes will happen, and there will be days when the weight of your own struggles feels too heavy. But each step you take towards healing is a step towards giving your children the gift of a healthier, more emotionally present parent. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being whole enough to love fully.

Children deserve parents who can model emotional resilience, who can show them how to process hurt without being defined by it. Healing from trauma isn’t just for you—it’s for them. It’s for the moments when your child needs a steady hand to hold, a calm voice to guide them through their fears, and a heart that is open and present. It’s for breaking the chains of inherited pain so your children can walk into their future free from the burdens of the past.

Healing is not easy, but it’s necessary. Every step you take in caring for your mental health, in addressing your trauma, is a step towards giving your child the gift of emotional safety and a home filled with love, not pain.

- Abhikesh
Parenting Therapy by Abhikesh

10/04/2024

Today I did some volunteering with The Hot Toddies to clean up the river. Todd is the town that Matthew and I moved to two days before the storm. Now, it is our community. What an interesting way it has been to meet our new community.

What I have observed is that Renata from Flygirl Fishing is a coordinating super star and that this community is full of super stars who are distributing food, water and resources, including generators, digging people out, chain-sawing what has to be chain-sawed and cleaning up the river.

And all this without having power and internet in most of their homes.

It feels good to land in such a kind and resourceful place who care about their community and the land here.

10/03/2024

Hi friends. We have taken your amazing donations and begun buying supplies for our new Todd community.

Matt plans to volunteer in our community by cutting down trees with our new chain saw and I (Aarti) plan to offer myself where I can be most useful, which I'm currently suspecting might be in the healing/mental health/doula/chaplain/ancestral realms when the time for that show itself.

Everyday, different supplies are needed. For now, we have water, which is great. I hope other communities are able to reach resources as well. :-)

Yesterday we dropped some things off at the local firehouse. When we got home, I was touched to see that others had left us water and food.

If you'd like to help us purchase goods and tools for our local town as needed, you can venmo me at aarti-tejuja or zelle at 3125202565 or paypal at aarthi9@gmail.com

Thanks to everyone who has supported so far.

We still don't have internet, so we will be slow to respond. But we are safe, healthy and good and there is still no place we'd rather be that with these beautiful mountains and rivers and forests.

With love,

10/02/2024

I'm writing from this very generous coffee shop in West Jefferson, which is a town about 30 minutes from where Matt and I live in Todd.

I say generous because the owner and his daughter have been operating it since day 1 after the storm, keeping it open for so many who have no power, no water and no internet.

We feel very fortunate to be living where we are, and to witness the kind hearts and generous gestures of so many people and to feel the mountains and rivers speak so directly.

We are one of the few streets in Todd to have power back. We have been trying to clean up some of the damage. (see chain saw photo) and trying to work too - both our jobs are mostly done online and with folks who aren't impacted by the storm. We are asking folks to be patient with us.

We don't know too many people yet in Todd, but I suppose there is nothing like a hurricane to bring people together. So later today we will stop by the local Fire Station and to see how we can help.

I do know that batteries and flash lights and candles are needed in my town, so if people want to send donations, we can try to get some of these things to people and whatever else the fire stations says they need. I have access to zelle Aarti-lentztejuja and venmo Aarti_Tejuja or paypal @ aarthi9@gmail.com if people want to contribute to this.

Sending love to all from afar. More stories in the days ahead.

Love, Aarti (and Matthew)

09/30/2024

Hi all, this is Aarti. We are fine, but my phone is not working so reach out to Matt instead. We do not have power nor Internet and are sending this from a restaurant in West Jefferson which has power. Our land flooded and power lines could take weeks to be restored.

We are thinking of purchasing a generator.
There are people who are stranded in their homes and also who have lost their homes here. We will update to let you know what is happening.

In the meantime if you want to help us and others who may need it in the area, you can venmo me at aarti-tejuja or zelle at aarti_lentztejuja or PayPal at aarthi9@gmail.com.

Thank you all! Send us prayers.

03/16/2023