11/20/2025
I’m on the other side of my Dark Retreat, which ended up being 5 nights, 4 days, not 3. It was perfect. I was so not ready to come out after 3 days.
As I share my experience with so many who are curious, I’m using the metaphor of gear shifting. On Thursday night, I was in overdrive, like when you put the pedal to the metal to pass another car. Then on Friday, I dropped down into 5th gear, Saturday into 4th gear, Sunday into 3rd gear, Monday into 2nd gear, and Tuesday into 1st gear….ahh, that felt amazing!
What the Darkness brought light to:
Friday Day 1: I woke into the darkness, and that day was intense. I was called to do a lot of shadow work, deep healing with my mother, coming to greater levels of compassion and understanding for her, which is so liberating. That night, I saw in a dream the most stunning, celestial eye. I didn’t know what it meant, but on Monday, the meaning was revealed.
Saturday Day 2: I didn’t feel well with all the detoxing that happened on Friday. It continued on Saturday and into the night. The stillness, resting, and being were what the doc ordered.
In addition, each day there were mantras, tapping, soul songs, meditation, baths, saunas, and eating very lightly. I was surprised at how little I ate. My body was in constant purging, purifying, cleansing. I had a lot of fruit, cooked veggies, light vegan meals, and so much water.
Sleep became harder as the circadian rhythms were knocked off balance by being in the darkness, but I reminded myself that it didn’t matter, as I could sleep whenever I needed to! I had weird dreams all night. For me to dream at all is very unusual. Plus, I had little burps all night. The purifying continued!
Sunday, Day 3: It was the day to balance my inner masculine & feminine, bringing them into union and softening to receive. I was shown my inner masculine that was protecting, providing structure, supporting, being in leadership, and giving to my inner feminine. My over-masculinized aspects were being invited to soften into my feminine and receive.
The universe has infinite potential to give to us, but if we are busy, going non-stop, wound up, tight, and anxious, it’s very hard to receive. My body was being shown how to soften, be in the stillness, to receive. To feel the masculine and feminine come into balance felt amazing!
Monday Day 4: This was the grand finale, even though I was quite drained from all the days of purification. I was shown images of my three different trips to Bali. I was taken to the sacred river, where more of the soul songs were activated back in 2019. I saw myself in the river and suddenly gave birth to a baby girl, which celestial blue eyes, the same eye color I saw in my dream on Friday night.
When I asked her name, they said, Helenita (ita in Spanish is like ‘little Helen). It clicked! I’ve been ‘pregnant’ since my Crete trip in April, had my creative shower thrown for me in June, and finally gave birth to a new version of me on Monday! Oh my goddess!
The potent message that came with this new version of me is very sacred, and I’m keeping it close, just as one keeps a newborn close and sheltered for the first month or so. I will share more when it’s time.
Through this experience, I realized that we are ‘addicted’ to being busy, doing, go-go-go (masculine energy). Until you COMPLETELY STOP, as I did with this Dark Retreat, only then can you feel the deep contrast and how much the stillness (feminine energy) has been missing in our lives. It’s so out of balance. To feel good and in harmony, we need them both.
From this experience, I truly embodied the notion of ‘stillness is the access point’. So much opens up when we go into the void, into the emptiness, into the womb of creation.
It was absolutely one of the most majestic, magnificent, transformative experiences yet, and I’ve experienced a lot of off-the-charts things!
Since I’m all about the womb and how profound this was, I will definitely be offering Dark Retreats in 2026. If you’d like to be added to the waitlist, respond to this email and we’ll let you know when and where the first one is happening.
There is so much more to share, so I’ve created a video that I’ve shared on YouTube.
In the meantime, I invite you to create a stillness practice daily, especially between now and December 21, when the new, higher consciousness energies come to Earth.
🌟Go for a walk in nature and lean against a tree for 5-10 minutes or lie on the earth
🌟Take a stillness break for 10mins 2-3x’s a day and do ‘nothing’
🌟Turn off the technology 30 minutes earlier each night, put on an eye mask, and be in the darkness for 15 minutes.
Your soul will sing your praises! It feels amazing!
PS. There are two more spots left for the December 6-7 plant medicine retreat. Send us a message if you’d like to learn more about it.
