Stahr Mary Ellen LCSW

09/23/2023

This. With eternal thanks to Fred Rogers 💙

via Fred Rogers Institute

09/23/2023

05/07/2023

Enforceable Statements:
Effective People Never Set Limits Over Things They Cannot Control

05/07/2023

👊👏👏👏

02/26/2023

My son and I were walking in our neighbourhood last summer when a father and little boy walked past us. The little boy was crying. The father said to the little boy, “Stop crying or your mother is going to hear about this when we get home.”
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I said nothing to my son and we kept walking.

Moments later my six-year-old said, “Why did that Dad tell the boy to stop crying? You can’t just stop crying when there’s a reason. You have to get the tears out. Why did that Dad even want him to stop crying?”

Our kids are wise. And when we parent through a relationship that is unafraid of tears and feelings of any kind, our kids don’t become scared either. They see them as normal. Sad, angry and frustrated are just as valid and necessary as their “positive” counterparts.

Just as the waves are not the ocean, our children are not their emotions. Their emotions pass and we need to learn to ride the waves, rather than try to bend reality. Many of us were raised to stuff “negative” emotions deep down where they couldn’t be seen. And so we repeat it, without a conscious thought.

Or we try to fix it by distracting our kids to make the hurt go away because it feels painful for us to see our kids in pain. But more often than not, what I’ve found is that when I allow my son to feel disappointment or sadness and walk through it with him, he bounces back far quicker than I expected.

We allow our kids to become resilient when we make space for their emotions. When we’re brave enough to sit with a crying child, whether in our living rooms or on the sidewalk, we validate their feelings.

They learn that we have their backs, that they’re not alone with their emotions and when we hold them up to the light together, rather than make them hide alone in dark places, they’re not so scary after all.



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🌻Peaceful parenting resources: http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z 🌻
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www.LRKnost.com

Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

09/01/2022

I post this periodically because I think it is a WONDERFUL reminder of living LIFE with the right perspective! I chose row 1 always, and this just makes me smile! Have the best day ever! For more inspirational quotes visit motivation-forever.com/quotes

08/28/2022

Keeping ourselves accountable shows our kids how to do the same.

I love this from Janelle Scales ❤️ (a great person to follow!)

08/19/2022

When I am scared and anxious, I get controlling and mean.

Yes, that is hardly the kind of thing a person wants to admit—but that truth has helped connect and heal my family like no other discovery I’ve ever made.

Recently, I had the honor of sharing a bit about this discovery on a fabulous podcast that invites the guest to give 3 takeaways in 30 minutes.

Here is an excerpt from my second takeaway: Fear wears disguises:

“All of a sudden, I could look back on some of my most shameful parenting incidents and see them in a whole new light.

I’d always wondered how I could be so mean and controlling to the people I love. To realize it was fear and anxiety surfacing in those moments was life changing. ‘When I get controlling and mean, I’m anxious about something.’ I’d never put that together before. Not only did that spark greater self-compassion, but it also helped my family know how to best support me (and eventually themselves) in challenging moments.

When they saw me engage in harsh, micromanaging-type behaviors, that was their cue. Gently and kindly (because otherwise I wouldn’t have heard him), they’d say, “I can see you’re feeling anxious about something”—and then came the magic words: “How can I help?”

Our family has learned to rely on that phrase, and it’s been so helpful as my older daughter prepares to go to college for the first time. When she gets agitated over something that seems trivial, I think: “This isn’t really about the socks, or the water bottle she can’t find, this is about fear of the unknown.”

From personal experience, I know the last thing a person needs in moments of struggle is, “Wow, you’re really overreacting over this,” or “Geez, calm down.”

Those responses are not going to ease the situation–in fact, they are only going to make the struggling person feel unseen and unheard. Recognizing that ‘fear wears disguises’ evokes a compassionate response – one that has been a game-changer in my family.” -RMS

Friends, I’d love it if you’d take a listen to this enlightening conversation I recently had with Rachel Nielson on the popular 3 in 30 Podcast.

The episode is called “3 Small Shifts that Lead to Soul Shifts,” and believe there is something here for everyone. My 3 takeaways were:

1. Connect with your inner child
2. Fear wears disguises
3. Honor your red flags

I deeply appreciate you reading, sharing, and valuing the work I do.

My hand in yours,
Rachel

To listen on Apple Podcasts >
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/3-small-shifts-that-lead-to-soul-shifts-rachel-macy-stafford/id1296627876?i=1000576104881

To listen on Spotify >
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1elsZyzmhSrEtSTm30xHcM

08/13/2022

People pleasers everywhere for your thoughtful consideration...

Yes 🙌 love this. Thank you The Hands Free Revolution

08/05/2022

After a dramatic rise in mental health concerns (patients) during the pandemic, Dr. Owen describes how children tend to bottle up their emotions.