LifeBuilders Christian Counseling Center

09/09/2025

Suicide/Crisis Hotline: Call or Text 988

Lifebuilders is here to help! 813-438-5949

09/02/2025

~Talk O Tuesday with Chad Lawton, RMFTI~
COMMUNICATION PATTERNS THAT DESTROY TRUST
Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Dr. John Gottman, after decades of research, identified four destructive patterns that predict breakdown with striking accuracy. He called them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” because when this show up repeatedly and remain unaddressed, they signal the decline of intimacy and connection.

Let’s explore them more deeply:

1. Criticism – Attacking the Person, Not the Behavior

It’s natural to have complaints. But when complaints turn into criticism, we attack character instead of addressing actions.

• “Why are you always so careless?”

• “You never think of me. You’re selfish.”

👉 Over time, the criticized partner feels inadequate, defective, or unloved. The relationship shifts from “we’re on the same team” to “you’re against me.”

shift: Express the feeling and need instead of character attacks.

🔹 “I felt worried when you forgot to call. I need reassurance that you’re safe.”

2. Contempt – The Poison of Disrespect

Contempt is criticism plus disdain. It looks like sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, or hostile humor.

• “Oh, here we go again—you being dramatic.”

• “You’re so pathetic, I can’t even talk to you.”

👉 Contempt communicates superiority: “I’m better than you.” It breeds shame, resentment, and emotional distance.

shift: Replace contempt with appreciation and curiosity.

🔹 “I may not fully understand why this matters so much to you, but I want to.”

3. Defensiveness – Protecting Instead of Listening

When we feel blamed, our instinct is to protect ourselves. But defensiveness blocks growth.

• “It’s not my fault, you’re the one who…”

• “You’re exaggerating, that never happened.”

👉 This creates a cycle: one partner criticizes, the other defends, and nothing changes. The deeper message heard is: “Your feelings don’t matter.”

shift: Take even a small piece of responsibility.

🔹 “I see why you felt hurt. I could’ve handled that better.”

4. Stonewalling – Shutting Down Instead of Facing the Conflict

Stonewalling happens when one partner withdraws, goes silent, or emotionally shuts down.

• Silent treatment.

• “I don’t want to talk about this. Just leave me alone.”

👉 While it may protect from overwhelm in the moment, it leaves the other feeling abandoned and invisible. It builds walls instead of bridges.

shift: Practice self-soothing

🔹 “I’m feeling too overwhelmed right now. Can we pause and talk in 20 minutes?”

🌱These four patterns don’t just create fights; they corrode the very foundation of safety and trust. When partners feel unsafe to be vulnerable, intimacy withers.

Relationships don’t need perfection; they need repair, honesty, and the willingness to try again.

08/27/2025

08/26/2025

New Women's Group starting soon!
Tuesday's at 4 PM in the Brandon office, led by Fiona Adesoye.

Call or Email today to sign up!
813-438-5949 cccbrandon@aol.com

07/29/2025

Talk O Tuesday with Chad Lawton, RMFTI

-How to self regulate your nervous system

Some days we wake up and the world feels… loud. Your body feels tense, your mind is scattered, or you feel oddly numb.

This isn’t a flaw. It’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you — sometimes working a little too hard.

Your system moves between:

🌪 Hyper‑arousal (anxiety, irritability, racing thoughts)

🌊 Hypo‑arousal (numbness, withdrawal, feeling “shut down”)

Self‑regulation is not about forcing calm.

It’s about offering small moments of safety so your body can find its own balance again.

🌀 1. Orient to the Room

📍 Gently look around. Name 5 things you see, 3 things you hear, and 1 thing you can touch.

👉 This grounds you in the present moment and reassures your brain: “Right now, I’m safe.”

🌬 2. Breathe Like a Wave

Try the 4‑6 breath:

🌿 Inhale for 4 counts.

🌿 Exhale for 6 counts (the longer exhale tells your body it can relax).

Do this for 2–3 minutes. Notice your shoulders drop.

🤲 3. Touch to Soothe

💆‍♀️ Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.

💭 Say softly: “I’m here. I’m safe. This moment will pass.”

Your own touch signals safety to your vagus nerve — your body’s calm button.

🚶 4. Move the Energy

Shake your hands, roll your shoulders, stretch your spine, sway gently side to side.

👉 Movement helps “stuck” stress energy leave the body.

🌱 5. Create a Simple Ritual

☕ Make a warm drink.

📝 Write down one thing you’re grateful for.

📚 Read a single page of a comforting book.

✨ Rituals are small anchors that tell your nervous system, “There’s structure. I’m held.”

🌞 6. Go Outside (Even for 2 Minutes)

Step out. Feel the sunlight, the breeze, or notice a tree.

👉 Nature regulates us faster than screens ever can.

💡 Remember this:

You don’t have to “fix” the way you feel instantly.

Self‑regulation is about whispering to your body:

🕊 “I see you. You’re safe. We can slow down together.”

Even a few minutes of these practices, a few times a day, can shift how you meet stress, anxiety, or heaviness — turning overwhelm into something softer, something you can hold.

08/29/2024

Hi Ladies,
Just a few short weeks away from the start of group! We have a few spots left and would love to have you join us.
GROUP STARTS SEPTEMEBER 16TH @ 7 PM

Give us a call or send us an email to get registered 😁
813-438-5949. Cccbrandon@aol.com

06/18/2024

** New Women's Group**
Betrayal Recovery Group for Women will be a 12 week group starting on September 16th in the Brandon office from 7-9 PM.

Sign up is required and limited to 10 women.

Call or email us to secure your spot!
813-438-5949 cccbrandon@aol.com

This group is led by Kristi Collins and Melissa Crips

04/10/2024

This past Saturday Lifebuilders had the opportunity to support Back The Line Charity Events. Our team had a blast playing in the golf tournament while supporting Corporal Brito and Deputy Santos and their families.

04/02/2024

Finding Balance: The Contentment System And Avoiding Dopamine Traps. Explore your emotional regulation systems and learn to have a more balanced life.

Link to article

https://mailchi.mp/pickfreedom/finding-balance-the-contentment-system-and-avoiding-dopamine-traps?fbclid=IwAR1ou112O8-8RZPx9AN4yqCGInwp3LMTnBiZTlVlcagBcV7G-ckOOzmCyfI_aem_AcD855q9ihXeLlEu99HtueVaUrcrkiCjjlgUJ5wRXm1edKUOa3xc1SEU7dK8S-KyGcbBMQpwNOjuvOd3cu4c5Tbb

This month, we are going to dig a little deeper into our Contentment system. In the last two blogs, we learned that our brains have three systems:

02/21/2024

Living a balanced life doesn’t have to be a mystery. Learn how awareness and the number 3 can really make a difference. In Living a Balanced Life

https://mailchi.mp/pickfreedom/living-a-emotionally-balanced-life?fbclid=IwAR0C3o_nF9aa9WuPlXGB-Lwt6SKQmgx3gwFvjq405wza-nHNWoMN9-IiLZA

God has created mankind to be in a relationship with Him (Knabb, 2019). However, sin has confused our ability to navigate the path because the path has been broken and ill-lit. Therefore, God, in his wisdom, created the three systems of “Danger,” “Drive,” and “Contentment” to guide us in...