LifeBuilders Christian Counseling Center

02/04/2026

You're not reacting to your partner. You are reacting to what comes up from the past. Most couples think they're arguing about the mess, the money, or who forgot what. When they are actually arguing about their triggers. Their feelings driven by unresolved hurt or unmet needs from childhood. And, the meaning they assign to the moment as a result.

❣️ REMEMBER:
~ 80% of any friction is about you. Your triggers.
~ Only 20% is about the circumstance or what your partner did.

When your partner leaves coffee cups on the counter, it triggers an old negative feeling from childhood, like not being seen.

And you assign meaning to it, consciously or unconsciously.
"I don't matter."
"They take me for granted."
"I always have to do everything."
This is your program running the show.

🌀 YOUR LOOP:

Your patterns interact with your partner's to create your relationship dynamics, creating the repeating conflicts and the same old fight.

→ Surface trigger hits (mess, money, time)
→ Childhood wound activates (invisible, not enough)
→ Negative emotion floods you (anger, fear, shame)
→ You respond with your defense mechanism (explosion, shutdown)
→ Your defense mechanism triggers theirs
→ They respond with their defense mechanism in turn
→ And so it goes: same fight, different day
You're both trying to resolve hurt feelings and get needs met no matter the cost. That's the power struggle.

💞 HOW TO STOP THE LOOP:
I often hear: "It's not my responsibility to heal them. This is about their father, their mother, not me."
You're right, you can't heal them. But this is relational.

When you mindfully address your feelings and meet your own needs, you no longer operate from reactivity. You can give them a different experience that heals.

~ If they shut down, offer safety.

~ If they explode, offer presence.

This is how the pattern breaks.
This is how you both evolve.

💡 The key is doing your own work. But your own work doesn't mean doing it alone...

~ When you get triggered, access the feeling, translate it into the need, then meet the emotional need yourself.

~ You can make requests of your partner to help meet the need: Not the practical need, the emotional one underneath.

When you take responsibility for your 80%, you create space for something new. You elevate the relationship.

Your partner is a beautiful match to trigger you, and vice versa. You are a gift to each other.
You show each other exactly what needs to heal.

This is how you create a strong and meaningful partnership. 💝

02/03/2026

Meet Kristina "Kris" Hoffman, our newest Mental Health Student Intern! Kris is a military spouse with 2 adult children. She is committed to helping individuals achieve meaningful personal growth and lasting well-being. Her and her husband have just started on their 6th group with Intimate Encounters over at Southbay Church.

Check out her profile on our website- https://lifebuilderscounseling.org/kristina-hoffman/

Kris has already been a great addition to our Lifebuilders team and we look forward to what God has instore for her!

01/27/2026

EMDR Therapy vs. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

Both EMDR and ART are trauma therapies designed to help the brain process distressing memories—but they go about it in different ways.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
• Follows a structured, multi-phase protocol

• Clients often revisit traumatic memories while tracking bilateral stimulation

• Can involve verbal processing and discussion of the trauma

• Highly researched and widely known

Best for: People who are comfortable talking through memories and want a very structured, step-by-step approach.



ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy)
• Uses eye movements like EMDR, but with a gentler approach

• Does not require detailed verbal retelling of the trauma

• Focuses on replacing distressing images with calming or empowering ones

• Often feels faster and less emotionally overwhelming

Best for: People who want trauma healing without reliving or re-explaining painful experiences.

Bottom line:
Both therapies help reduce trauma symptoms—but ART is often experienced as more comfortable, less intense, and more client-directed, while EMDR is more structured and verbal.

09/09/2025

Suicide/Crisis Hotline: Call or Text 988

Lifebuilders is here to help! 813-438-5949

09/02/2025

~Talk O Tuesday with Chad Lawton, RMFTI~
COMMUNICATION PATTERNS THAT DESTROY TRUST
Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Dr. John Gottman, after decades of research, identified four destructive patterns that predict breakdown with striking accuracy. He called them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” because when this show up repeatedly and remain unaddressed, they signal the decline of intimacy and connection.

Let’s explore them more deeply:

1. Criticism – Attacking the Person, Not the Behavior

It’s natural to have complaints. But when complaints turn into criticism, we attack character instead of addressing actions.

• “Why are you always so careless?”

• “You never think of me. You’re selfish.”

👉 Over time, the criticized partner feels inadequate, defective, or unloved. The relationship shifts from “we’re on the same team” to “you’re against me.”

shift: Express the feeling and need instead of character attacks.

🔹 “I felt worried when you forgot to call. I need reassurance that you’re safe.”

2. Contempt – The Poison of Disrespect

Contempt is criticism plus disdain. It looks like sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, or hostile humor.

• “Oh, here we go again—you being dramatic.”

• “You’re so pathetic, I can’t even talk to you.”

👉 Contempt communicates superiority: “I’m better than you.” It breeds shame, resentment, and emotional distance.

shift: Replace contempt with appreciation and curiosity.

🔹 “I may not fully understand why this matters so much to you, but I want to.”

3. Defensiveness – Protecting Instead of Listening

When we feel blamed, our instinct is to protect ourselves. But defensiveness blocks growth.

• “It’s not my fault, you’re the one who…”

• “You’re exaggerating, that never happened.”

👉 This creates a cycle: one partner criticizes, the other defends, and nothing changes. The deeper message heard is: “Your feelings don’t matter.”

shift: Take even a small piece of responsibility.

🔹 “I see why you felt hurt. I could’ve handled that better.”

4. Stonewalling – Shutting Down Instead of Facing the Conflict

Stonewalling happens when one partner withdraws, goes silent, or emotionally shuts down.

• Silent treatment.

• “I don’t want to talk about this. Just leave me alone.”

👉 While it may protect from overwhelm in the moment, it leaves the other feeling abandoned and invisible. It builds walls instead of bridges.

shift: Practice self-soothing

🔹 “I’m feeling too overwhelmed right now. Can we pause and talk in 20 minutes?”

🌱These four patterns don’t just create fights; they corrode the very foundation of safety and trust. When partners feel unsafe to be vulnerable, intimacy withers.

Relationships don’t need perfection; they need repair, honesty, and the willingness to try again.

08/27/2025

08/26/2025

New Women's Group starting soon!
Tuesday's at 4 PM in the Brandon office, led by Fiona Adesoye.

Call or Email today to sign up!
813-438-5949 cccbrandon@aol.com

07/29/2025

Talk O Tuesday with Chad Lawton, RMFTI

-How to self regulate your nervous system

Some days we wake up and the world feels… loud. Your body feels tense, your mind is scattered, or you feel oddly numb.

This isn’t a flaw. It’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you — sometimes working a little too hard.

Your system moves between:

🌪 Hyper‑arousal (anxiety, irritability, racing thoughts)

🌊 Hypo‑arousal (numbness, withdrawal, feeling “shut down”)

Self‑regulation is not about forcing calm.

It’s about offering small moments of safety so your body can find its own balance again.

🌀 1. Orient to the Room

📍 Gently look around. Name 5 things you see, 3 things you hear, and 1 thing you can touch.

👉 This grounds you in the present moment and reassures your brain: “Right now, I’m safe.”

🌬 2. Breathe Like a Wave

Try the 4‑6 breath:

🌿 Inhale for 4 counts.

🌿 Exhale for 6 counts (the longer exhale tells your body it can relax).

Do this for 2–3 minutes. Notice your shoulders drop.

🤲 3. Touch to Soothe

💆‍♀️ Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.

💭 Say softly: “I’m here. I’m safe. This moment will pass.”

Your own touch signals safety to your vagus nerve — your body’s calm button.

🚶 4. Move the Energy

Shake your hands, roll your shoulders, stretch your spine, sway gently side to side.

👉 Movement helps “stuck” stress energy leave the body.

🌱 5. Create a Simple Ritual

☕ Make a warm drink.

📝 Write down one thing you’re grateful for.

📚 Read a single page of a comforting book.

✨ Rituals are small anchors that tell your nervous system, “There’s structure. I’m held.”

🌞 6. Go Outside (Even for 2 Minutes)

Step out. Feel the sunlight, the breeze, or notice a tree.

👉 Nature regulates us faster than screens ever can.

💡 Remember this:

You don’t have to “fix” the way you feel instantly.

Self‑regulation is about whispering to your body:

🕊 “I see you. You’re safe. We can slow down together.”

Even a few minutes of these practices, a few times a day, can shift how you meet stress, anxiety, or heaviness — turning overwhelm into something softer, something you can hold.

08/29/2024

Hi Ladies,
Just a few short weeks away from the start of group! We have a few spots left and would love to have you join us.
GROUP STARTS SEPTEMEBER 16TH @ 7 PM

Give us a call or send us an email to get registered 😁
813-438-5949. Cccbrandon@aol.com

06/18/2024

** New Women's Group**
Betrayal Recovery Group for Women will be a 12 week group starting on September 16th in the Brandon office from 7-9 PM.

Sign up is required and limited to 10 women.

Call or email us to secure your spot!
813-438-5949 cccbrandon@aol.com

This group is led by Kristi Collins and Melissa Crips

04/10/2024

This past Saturday Lifebuilders had the opportunity to support Back The Line Charity Events. Our team had a blast playing in the golf tournament while supporting Corporal Brito and Deputy Santos and their families.