02/24/2026
Armor vs Boundaries
Most people do not realize that there is a relationship between armoring and drawing boundaries in life. I'd love to explain it, as this is a huge dynamic that we work with in the studio all the time, and one of the topics we address in our 'YES/NO & Letting Go' workshop.
Many people experience chronic muscle tension, be it in their neck and shoulders, low back, hips, feet, or somewhere else. It is often described by sufferers as feeling like they have armor on, because it's so relentlessly rigid and causes immobility (just as real metal armor would). What is supposed to be soft, flexible, pliable myofascial tissue has instead become tense, tight, tough, and restricted.
As a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and myofascial release bodyworker with additional training in complex/relational trauma and the emotional body, when I see this pattern of chronic tension in people, I get very curious about their relationships and specifically their boundaries in life. When I invite them to get curious about boundaries, they usually have no idea what I'm talking about or why I'm talking about it. It works best via live demonstration, but I'll try here to let words do the job...
If I don't have my boundaries where I want them in my life, one result may be that people get to walk all over me. Maybe I'm the one who always says "yes" and agrees to everything, even if I don't want to. Well, put simply, what's a body to do with being forced to engage in something it doesn't actually want to engage in? (Even if we're just talking about joining a knitting club or a letting a friend come over that drains us emotionally. It's not always about trauma. It IS about patterns of betraying what I really want.) What is the body supposed to do with that? When it feels betrayed by the psyche/will that agreed to do something we actually don't want to do?
The body has very few ways of communicating, but one of the main ways it DOES have is via sensation... hello tension and pain. Chronic tension and pain is the body's way of sending the message that "not all is well", that something needs to change, that it doesn't feel safe. It is it's way of putting out the alarm signal.šØ Hence the armoring. 'Cause nothing gets our attention like pain, am I right? Armoring does that quite efficiently.
And armoring is totally appropriate, if you think about it. If I don't have a boundary, and so people can get closer than I want them to, or can get away with things with me that I don't want them to, then the body braces for impact, like in a car crash.š„ The bracing/armoring body is seeking to protect itself from the full force of the impact; it's seeking to minimize the damage.
So yes, if you don't have a great handle on boundaries in life, if you don't fully understand the what/when/how of setting boundaries, it is not surprising at all to me that the body will exhibit a lot of tension. It's trying to make up for the other part of the mind-body system/Self that isn't doing its job by drawing a boundary and saying "no" in the first place.
This is why it's said that "the body keeps the score", or that "the body bears the burden" of our life experiences. Obviously there are things that happen to us that are not of our choosing and have nothing to do with our lack of a boundary. Those require their own set of interventions to renegotiate and resolve the trauma. But then there are also those things that happen to us that didn't have to, that are either fully or partially due to our inability to set a boundary. It is those that I'm addressing here in this post.
I get it. I understand why we don't set boundaries. Why that feels scary. I know this because I myself am a recovering people-pleaser, borne out of my own trauma that led to patterns of appeasing and fawning to keep the "approval ratings high" as I like to say, from those around me. I also understand first-hand the grief one has to face, which can feel all-consuming and even annihilation-inducing, when thinking of the people that would walk away if I set the boundary where I actually want it, where my body wants it.
"Where should the boundary be?" is a common question. Answer: the boundary is the place where my body can finally feel safe, as would be evidenced by reduced muscle tension, easier breathing, relief of pain, greater ease, etc. When the body feels safe and doesn't have to armor anymore, the effects are clearly felt, and not just in our muscles; many aspects of life get lighter and easier.
Does it take time to find that "just-right" spot so that those things happen? Yep, sure does! Is it worth it? Well, I'll let you answer that one. At what point is it worth it to you, my dear one with chronic tight muscles that won't let go, to do something different, even if it's scary and new? I ask that with all the love in my heart, as I understand personally the core dilemma that is at play and the very real temptation to just continue the awful-but-familiar pattern of putting oneself last and continuing to get walked all over, so as to not rock the boat.š¶ I see you and I hear you, friends!
Only you can decide for yourself when you're ready to take the leap to try something new. And when you are, here we will be at Studio A, doing our best to faithfully serve those in our community who are at that junction point, ready for something to change in how they move through life and navigate these tricky things. I promise we'll do our best to make it a little less tricky and to bring clarity, relief, compassion, the possibility for change, and most importantly hope. ā¤ļø
Photo by 2H Media on Unsplash