02/07/2023
Addiction to external validation begins in childhood when our emotional needs aren’t met, or the environment is not predictable. We cope by separating from our true authentic self and we begin to create a false self based on what gets us love, validation, and approval. Some call this “the mask” and we all create them to different degrees.
This is where patterns of self neglect and self betrayal begin.
We all care about how people view us or what people think of us. This is a natural part of the human experience and it’s through relationships where we truly learn ourselves and have an opportunity to heal from the past.
Addiction to external validation goes deeper in that:
1. Fear of not getting validation keeps us paralyzed (taking no action)
2. Fear of criticism is overwhelming and all consuming
3. People’s thoughts or opinions of us dictate our own choices
4. We lose perspective of the messenger (ability to discern): we’re so overwhelmed by not getting validation that we can’t zoom out and look at the person, their lives, or their patterns to see if their opinion holds value or actually applies to us and our lives.
5. We’re completely disconnected to our authentic self and our own needs
The path to living a conscious life on our own terms is about connecting back to ourselves and creating a life that is meaningful to us. That means that some people won’t understand, agree, and maybe disappointed because you won’t be playing a role they intended for you.
And that’s ok.
Disagreement is natural and healthy. When people don’t approve it doesn’t mean you’re wrong or that they’re wrong. Life is multidimensional.
Break this habit by doing, by exploring, and by allowing yourself to not be for everyone
