02/08/2026
Two years from the day we met, we said āI do.ā The joy I feel is so incredibly immense, but itās also soā¦quiet. Itās gentle, itās full, and itās a feeling of coming home. Thereās none of the tension, eggshells, anxiety that Iāve been used to in relationshipsājust softness and warmth. It feels like the first time Iāve ever gotten to live unmasked. She has given me my life backāsheās given me a future. For the first time, I can picture growing old, and I feel wholly loved and seen in a way Iāve never let anyone in to do before.
And within all of that joy, thereās an unexpected other emotion thatās enveloped me this weekendāincredible grief. Deep, deep sorrow has my heart in its grips as I think back on the 30+ years I wasnāt able to be myself, and that I felt I had to hide my identity to be loved and accepted. Thirty years of denying my q***rness to try and be who my family wanted me to be, who I believed I was supposed to be because of religion, and never feeling like I was enough. Knowing that if I ever wanted to be my true self, Iād lose my entire family and previous life that I fought so hard to conform to. I remember hearing people say āmy wifeā when I was younger and loving the sound of it in a way I couldnāt understand. I remember everytime I had to say āmy husbandā and I felt like an imposter putting on a mask.
It makes sense to me that incredible joy lives so easily beside incredible grief. Thatās one of the special parts of being humanābeing able to hold multiple realities all at the same time in the expansiveness that is the human heart.
For any q***r folx out there who havenāt gotten to be your full self or havenāt been able to picture growing old or havenāt gotten to be embraced and loved for the unmasked version of youāIām holding you in my heart and sending you love. Iām asking you to hold on a little longer because thereās a happy ending for us. The country might not feel like it right now, but love always prevails eventually. Joy always lives beside grief. Our future always lives with a shadow of our past.
Two years ago, I met the love of my life and I didnāt even know sheād be the one to change everything. I do, I do, I forever do. ā¤ļø