11/08/2025
Amen! Although kids DO feel pressure from places besides home (peers, teachers, coaches, etc), parentsâ messages about what matters can make a huge difference!
If there is anything I could tell the parents of teenagers right now, it would be this: It doesnât matter.
I am a mom of four, a college counselor for high school students, and a journalist who has covered college admissions and parenting topics for almost a decade, and I am here to tell you that it just doesnât matter.
It doesnât matter if your child earns a B (or a C or even a D) in Algebra, if they donât make the National Honor Society, if they start on the varsity baseball team, if they warm the bench, if they donât pass the AP exam or if they get the highest score, or if they get that internship or not.
It doesnât matter if they get a perfect score on the SAT or if they bomb it. It doesnât matter if they are the valedictorian of their high school. It doesnât matter where they go to college.
It just doesnât matter â none of it matters â if your kid isnât healthy.
Iâm not talking about if your child is afflicted with appendicitis, lupus, or cancer, although, of course, those conditions would all take precedence, too. I am talking about mental health. And please, do not be fooled: Mental health is physical health.
Over the past several years, I have done a lot of reporting and analyzing why our kids are in such a dark place. Iâm not a psychologist, a sociologist, or a trauma expert, but I have talked to many high school and college students from all over the country, and my not-expert opinion is this: The stakes are simply too high.
We have convinced our teens that there is no room for error.
Parents ask if they can pull their children out of classes if they are in danger of earning a B, certain that anything less than an A will keep them out of a âgood college,â whatever that means. They wonât let them quit a sport or an activity they donât like anymore because they believe colleges will not want their kids unless they show a four-year commitment.
Our kids compromise their sleep, nutrition, and social lives, chasing some notion of what their future demands.
Donât get me wrong; I understand these worries and the fear kids need to do certain things to have âgoodâ lives (again, whatever that means). I get it. And, of course, our kids need to do things that make them uncomfortable or challenge them. I wholeheartedly believe that.
But simultaneously, because we are their parents, weâre sometimes the only ones who can turn down the pressure valve for our kids. We have to confidently tell them itâs OK (really!) to get a B, a C, or even a D.
Itâs OK to fail. Itâs OK to quit a team, a band, or a job. Itâs OK to say no. Itâs OK to be who they are, and that may not be the class president, team captain, or valedictorian. They can just be themselves because being themselves is enough, and they are enough, and they can and will survive any of these perceived setbacks.
Hereâs the hard truth:
Continued in the first comment