Mediated DisSolutions

08/18/2021

01/23/2021

Children do not need their parents to be “friends.” They need them to develop an ease with one another for transitions, school and extra-curricular events, and similar situations where being all together serves the child’s needs. Parents who coordinate and keep their children needs and interests central, don’t power struggle over personal points of view, but rather look together at what the child needs and how to provide for those needs in each home. When parents communicate effectively, set each other up for success, and respectfully cherish each other’s contributions to their children’s lives, kids benefit!

09/29/2020

Food for thought:

A young woman went to her mother and told her how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and turned on the heat. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

After several minutes she turned off the burners. She pulled out the carrots, eggs, and coffee and placed them in separate bowls. The mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity… boiling water – but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after being through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked the daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Ideally, you’re the bean that actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

09/23/2020

The best advice to co-parents from Gwenth Paltrow: “You have to know that every relationship is 50-50 no matter what you think — how you think you were wronged, or how bad you perceive the other person’s actions or whatever the case may be,” Paltrow continued. “If you are brave enough to take responsibility for your half and take a look at your own garbage, your own trauma… then there’s really somewhere to go and something to learn and something to heal.”

06/26/2020

Today's lesson: The Experiment

"Elliott divided her class by eye color - those with blue eyes and those with brown.

On the first day, the blue-eyed children were told they were smarter, nicer, neater, and better than those with brown eyes.......
On the second day, the roles were reversed and the blue-eyed children were made to feel inferior while the brown eyes were designated the dominant group.

What happened over the course of the unique two-day exercise astonished both students and teacher.
On both days, children who were designated as inferior took on the look and behavior of genuinely inferior students, performing poorly on tests and other work.
In contrast, the "superior" students - students who had been sweet and tolerant before the exercise - became mean-spirited and seemed to like discriminating against the "inferior" group.

"I watched what had been marvelous, cooperative, wonderful, thoughtful children turn into nasty, vicious, discriminating little third-graders in a space of fifteen minutes," says Elliott. She says she realized then that she had "created a microcosm of society in a third-grade classroom."

"Elliott repeated the exercise with her new classes in the following year. The third time, in 1970, cameras were present."

The Reunion - 14 years later

"Fourteen years later, FRONTLINE's A Class Divided chronicled a mini-reunion of that 1970 third-grade class.
As young adults, Elliott's former students watch themselves on film and talk about the impact Elliott's lesson in bigotry has had on their lives and attitudes.

It is Jane Elliott's first chance to find out how much of her lesson her students had retained."

"Nobody likes to be looked down upon. Nobody likes to be hated, teased or discriminated against," says Verla, one of the former students.

Another, Sandra, tells Elliott: "You hear these people talking about different people and how they'd like to have them out of the country. And sometimes I just wish I had that collar in my pocket. I could whip it out and put it on and say 'Wear this, and put yourself in their place.' I wish they would go through what I went through, you know."

04/21/2020

Lesson of the Week: The past several months I have been supervising a dad who has two school age children. The siblings often play well together but I have noticed the stress affecting the children. We need to be careful of how much information we are exposing our children to. Remember, as parents, we are the people our children depend on for survival so when we talk about our fears within "a mile" of where our children are, they hear those fears and do not understand how their super hero parents are so afraid. Of course, our children need to understand the importance of social distancing and keeping safe, but we have a responsibility to shield them from our fears so they can continue to play as children allowing their brain to continue to grow in a healthy space!

04/08/2020

Some ideas to celebrate Holy Week:

How to connect with your family through religious traditions in this “new normal.”

04/07/2020

Hey everyone!
Positive reviews from awesome customers like you help others to feel confident about choosing Mediated disSolutions too. Could you take 60 seconds to share your happy experiences on this page?

I will be forever grateful. Thank you in advance for helping me out!

03/19/2020

Separated Parents and CoVID
by Annette Burns on March 15, 2020

Parents: This is a truly difficult time. Talk about making being divorced/ separated from your other parent more difficult!

Please follow guidelines for co-parenting as closely as possible during these difficult times, for your sake and your children’s sake (and health)

YOUR PARENTING PLAN SHOULD BE FOLLOWED. Do not take advantage of general chaos in the world to withhold parenting time. You may think “The courts are overcrowded and won’t have time to deal with me now, if I do this.” You may be right, but I’ll hazard a guess and say that in a few months, when the courts are confronted with cases of children being withheld during this crisis, the sanctions will be harsh, as in make-up time and DOUBLE make-up time awarded to the other parent. Don’t make that mistake. Court-ordered parenting time must be followed and permitted.

IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH HOW YOUR OTHER PARENT IS HANDLING THINGS
You may feel the other parent is allowing the child too much access to other people and children and not following Social Distancing guidelines. If the two of you have joint legal decision-making rights under your Parenting Plan, each of you must use your own good judgment about what to do when you have the child. At this point, the government hasn’t issued orders for isolation, and you can’t force isolating guidelines on the other parent if he or she doesn’t agree. You can try to talk to him or her about your concerns, but you can’t force your guidelines on the other parent’s household unless he or she is violating the law.
CNN offers advice to parents about children and social activities

If your child is saying he’s scared by what’s going on, COMMUNICATE that to the other parent (not by blaming the other parent, simply by providing information) so that the other parent can take action to make the child feel better.
IF YOUR CHILD IS SICK
If your child is sick with something “regular” (non-critical), the child should be exchanged at regular parenting times unless your Plan states that a sick child stays with one parent. COMMUNICATE with the other parent and ask if s/he will allow a sick child to stay with you. If the parents can agree to delay an exchange, that’s fine. But if the parents don’t agree, the child needs to be exchanged.
COMMUNICATE everything about your child’s illness to the other parent, in writing. Try to stick to email. Start one email string with all information about the child’s symptoms, what medication is given when, and how often. Keeping all this information in one place will let you both care for your child. Visits to doctors or urgent care should be communicated IMMEDIATELY to the other parent, including all information, symptoms, diagnoses, and medications. Tell the other parent where you filled the prescriptions. SHARE the child’s prescriptions, and if the other parent asks, share the over-the-counter medications too. It’s not that easy to pick up another package of Day-Quil these days.

IF YOUR EXCHANGE TIME WITH THE OTHER PARENT IS DONE THROUGH SCHOOL, AND SCHOOL IS CANCELLED
If your child isn’t attending school and it’s an exchange day, you need to COMMUNICATE with the other parent and find an exchange time. If no other time is specified in writing anywhere, use a 2:30 or 3pm exchange time (the approximate time school would have been out). If you can’t exchange the child at someone’s home, find a public place as close to the child’s school as possible to make the exchange. You can exchange in the parking lot of a Target, McDonald’s, or some other large public area where you don’t need to be near a lot of people. Park close enough for the child to walk safely from one parent to the other.

CONTACTING YOUR ATTORNEY. Attorneys are likely not seeing people in-office right now. Email or call and confirm all appointments you have scheduled. Email your attorney and ask how to best communicate with him or her for the near future. If you generally text with your attorney, he or she might be overwhelmed with texts right now. Communicating from a cell phone is difficult. Stick with email until you’re told differently. Leaving voice mails at the office might delay things. Most attorneys I know will try very hard to respond to emails within a few business hours.