02/05/2021
On February 4th, 2019, I went into Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte,NC for my cancer removal surgery. They called my procedure a “trans hiatal esophagectomy.” It took a total of about 7 hours on the operating table.
When I woke up, I didn’t really remember what happened. I looked around and all of my family was standing around me. When I tried to call out Matt’s name, I couldn’t speak. Only a small whisper escaped my lips. Immediately, I began crying because of all of the emotions that I held in for so long. It’s not easy pretending to be strong, but I wanted my family to see that I was a fighter until the end.
As time went on that day, I was able to move more and see all of the staples that held me together. The pain was starting to radiate all over my body and it was very excruciating. Suddenly, I realized that I had a long cord connected to my stomach. It was my feeding tube. There were many things that I was going to have to learn all over again it seemed.
My mama stayed at the hospital with me that first night to try and comfort me. I hated pain medicine, but unfortunately this time I needed to embrace the relief. All I’ve ever taken my entire life are vitamins and maybe Tylenol for a headache. The next morning, Doctor Fowler came in and said, “ The surgery went very well and Mrs. Robinson, by the grace of God you are cancer free!”
As tears poured from my eyes, my mama came to hold me. I just looked up and thanked God repeatedly for allowing me to live. Thank the lord that I had a Christian doctor. God took this man and worked modern day miracles. I could see a future with my husband and children again. There was a long road of recovery for me, but I was ready to work hard!
My mama stayed with me many nights at the hospital. Matt worked during the day, visited when he could, and took care of the children. The most fun I had was when my godmother Cassie stayed with me. She is a ball of fire with a whole lot of spirit. Cassie saved my life when they gave me something in my IV for pain. She told the doctor, “ Listen, this child was just talking to me, you gave her that, and now she’s having a reaction.” I loved the feeling knowing that someone had my back when I didn’t understand what all of these new medicines were. The next day, we ordered lobster bisque and even painted our nails. It was girl time that I so desperately needed.
The day I finally arrived home was the hardest and best day since hearing that I was cancer free. My kids all hugged me so carefully and kept telling me that they loved me. Matt took great care of me and told me how proud he was of me. It was a long few weeks ahead because my body was rejecting any type of food.
As time went on, the weight began melting off of me. I wasn’t eating enough to feed a mouse and we all became very concerned. So many questions flooded my mind, but my doctor said everything looked fine. I knew my stomach was brand new, but I couldn’t figure out why I kept getting sick. Many nights I cried because I was so hungry, but my body wouldn’t let me eat.
On Easter of 2019, Matt and I went to church with our family. It was the strangest feeling, but the top of my legs felt very numb and I kept getting more sick by the day. I tried to eat with the rest of the family, but I didn’t want to look at food. Food was becoming my enemy and my body rejected everything I tried to put in my stomach.
It was now May 23rd, which was my birthday! You would think it would have been the happiest day for me, but I felt so sick. My best friend Karen even came to visit me and get me to eat. That entire day, I ate one carrot and I didn’t even keep it down. Large amounts of sugar wasn’t allowed with my new stomach and no bad carbs. I allowed the kids to enjoy my slice of my birthday cake.
A few days later, my body felt even more numb. It radiated from my legs, arms, and even my back. “Maybe I’m having a stroke,” I thought. My body felt so weak, and I suddenly called for my daughter Zoey. I skimmed the sides of the wall as my legs barely held my body up. Finally, I reached the living room and my legs collapsed beneath me. My body hit the ground very hard and the room began to spin.
After a small time, my mama and Matt’s grandma Nancy came through the door as I layed there on the floor unconscious. Before I knew it, I was being carried into the ambulance. They asked me to walk and repeatedly I told them,” Somethings wrong, I can’t walk!”
When the nurses tried to put me on the EKG monitor, my heart rate wouldn’t even register. The doctor explained that my potassium levels were so low that in a few days, I wouldn’t have been on this earth any longer. So many tests were done and we were all desperate for answers. What was wrong with me?
A pair of doctors came in from neurology to examine me the very next day. They poked my foot with a sharp metal object. “ Do you feel that Mrs. Robinson?” the tall doctor asked. I looked at him and said, “ I don’t feel anything at all.” Sadness just overwhelmed me as they continued to poke my skin too test me.
Finally they said, “ Have you ever been in a bad car accident Mrs. Robinson?” I looked at both of the doctors puzzled and recalled an accident with my mom when I was only 15. They began to look at each other and asked if I’ve always had passing out spells. I thought about that question for a moment and remembered playing softball and participating in marching band when I was younger. “Yes, I would always pass out if I would get too hot outside and it would take me days to recover.” I said hesitantly.
At last, I felt like I was about to have an answer, but not an answer I was expecting to hear. “So, according to your MRI, spinal tap results, and blood work, we’ve determined you have Multiple Sclerosis.” As they went on, apparently it’s something I’ve had all of my life and never knew it. They also explained that with all of the damage, I may never walk again. I gazed upon my MRI scans and I have lesions from the top of my brain to the bottom of my spine. The scariest part is that there is no cure. Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that attacks the myelin sheath around your nerves. It causes the body to convulse, go numb, and even prevent the body from walking. It also attacks the immune system by raising the B cells in the body. Immunotherapy, healthy eating, and exercise is the best way to slow down the progression of Multiple Sclerosis. As as experimental procedure, I also volunteered to try IVIG treatment to see if it will help my legs move.
How could my doctors not have known I had Multiple Sclerosis? Will this kill me? I just fought through cancer and now I have this? Did I make God angry and why is he punishing me? What about my husband and my kids? These are questions that just ran through my mind.
Was this my new reality? The nerves in my spine were severed, no feeling from the top of my neck down to my feet, and I couldn’t walk. I’ll admit, I did let myself have my pity party. This disease was by far the most the most emotionally draining as it tested my sanity.
Was this another big test from God? I wasn’t sure what he needed from me. My God took away the cancer, so why could I not have faith that he can heal me of the damage that the MS has caused? I wanted so badly to rest, but now I have another battle ahead of me. In this war, I could see my opponent across the battlefield and she looked exactly like me.
