03/04/2026
One of my nieces taught me a great lesson about twenty years ago. We were sitting outside of Hendrix just talking. She was strong, didn't take no stuff, and seemingly unbothered on the outside. As I sat there, I shared a story with her about being bullied in the fifth grade, how I went from loving school to not wanting to go.
My mother knew how much I loved being around others and could tell I was feigning illness. She prodded so that I finally broke down and told her what was happening. Her remedy worked but I won't share it because it's not ideal for this generation.
Anyways, I do not even know why I told her. I just did. Then for whatever reason, I asked if anything like that had ever happened to her.
She burst into tears. It was happening to her.
We have no idea what our youth are going through when they come home with their "stank" attitudes. Sometimes they have been through hell and highwaters and they are tired of holding it together.
That moment taught me something I have never forgotten. We do not connect on our highlight reels. We connect through our lowlights, shared with wisdom and restraint. (There is a difference between trauma dumping and testimony. Trauma dumping transfers dysregulation. Testimony transfers insight.)
Something I have done with my daughter over the years has changed our relationship. I come home from work and tell her about a mistake I made. I tell her when I was out of alignment with my values. I tell her about moments I got caught doing something I might not have corrected if I had not been exposed. And I tell her the truth: getting caught was grace. It gave me the opportunity to get it right.
I know it can be hard to be a teenager. And it can be even harder to be HER parents' child. I want her to understand that she doesn't have to be perfect as we are not perfect.
When I ask her, “Have you ever been in a situation like that?”
That question opens doors.
It tells her I am not perfect. It tells her she does not have to be either. And more importantly, it makes space for honesty instead of performance.
My hubby loves football. He told me years ago while we were talking about the mechanics of something or other, you have to take the fear out of being tackled and falling away so they can get back up and play the game. For me, that question is about taking the fear of being tackled and falling away and letting her know she does not have to go through situations without me and she can get back up again.
Relationships are hard. Parenting is hard. Childing is hard. Parenting from an unparented place is truly hard. Being parented by an unparented parent is hard.
Whisper a prayer for our children, teachers, and primary care givers. Pray for our relationships to be healed, restored, and . . .
Photo cred: Christina Mattox
Who looks the most mischievous? I vote the lil!
