http://hemispherescounseling.com/

Hemispheres Counseling Center, 155 N Michigan Avenue, Ste 603, Chicago, IL (2025)

02/12/2024

🙋‍♀️Raise your hand if you feel like Stepmotherhood is having a serious impact on your identity and your sense of self.

It’s no wonder…what with the constant challenges of blended family life. Kids who shun you, bio moms who don’t cooperate. Confusion about your place. Disagreements with your partner.

We stepmoms are less likely to be given the benefit of the doubt. We’re seen as party poopers, Bad guys, Wicked.

It’s SOooo easy to get sucked into trying to make the family blend smoothly…
…to brokering peace in your home
…to overcompensating

…and then before you know it, you’ve lost your sparkle. ✨

I see it in so many stepmoms and it makes my heart ache.

I CAN’T STAND seeing you lose yourself and your inner light.

WHY?

✨Because you matter.✨

Because life is beautiful and we only have a short time on this planet. 🌎

Because joy is your birthright.

Because life is a freaking banquet and you’re starving to death

I’ve had so many stepmom clients over the years tell me that they feel like their life has been on hold, that they can’t really live their life or they’re waiting for their life to begin or they’re counting the days until the stepkids leave.

I don’t believe that has to be the case.

I believe you can live and love your life right here right now as a stepmom.

…Not once the stepkids graduate and move away. Not once bio mom remarries.

Living a life of fulfillment, peace, and ease, and MAGIC is totally possible TODAY as a stepmom.

Now is the time to make room again for all that you’ve given up. All that you’ve lost.

🚫When you are an old woman on your death bed many many years from now, do you want to have regrets?

✅ Or do you want to feel nothing but gratitude and satisfaction and peace of a life well lived?

I know what my answer is.

If you’re ready to take back your sparkle ✨ - I’m ready to take your hand and show you the way. 👭

Schedule a free discovery call with me today to learn about therapy with me. Comment “me” to set it up or send me a DM. 😊

02/05/2024

Society tells us to “love them like our own.” But what if we…don’t?

If you take away anything from this post, let it be this: it’s OKAY if you don’t love your stepkids. It’s normal. And it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’m so tired of the pearl-clutching stepmoms get when they’re brave enough to share that they don’t have loving feelings toward their stepkids.

Judgement only adds pressure to an already fraught position. Loving your stepkids is not a requirement to being a good stepmom.

I see so many stepmoms struggle with this. They don’t love or sometimes even like their stepkids and they feel so guilty about it. If that’s you, stop beating yourself up, sister. You’re not a bad person if you don’t love your stepkids. There are lots of valid reasons why you don’t love your stepkids and NONE of them are because you’re wicked or mean.

It’s biology, baby: You and your stepkid don’t share the same genetic connection therefore you’re not inclined to bond as intensely. This doesn’t mean stepmoms CAN’T form strong bonds eventually, but you’re not going to have that immediate biological connection.

Other reasons you may struggle to love or even like your stepkids:

Your personalities clash
They remind you of the difficult ex
They treat your partner like crap
They have behavioral issues

So, what’s a stepmom to do? Here are some quick-and-dirty tips for coping if you don’t love your stepkid:
- Drop the guilt (it’s out of your hands - biology says so)
- Try to identify the why and remind yourself that you’re still a good person
- Give it some time. Your negative feelings should ease up as your stepkids grow up and learn more about how the world works
- Pick and choose your battles
- Accept the things you cannot change and focus on what you CAN change

If you find that your resentment is NOT easing up, that’s a great time to get some extra help. This is the kind of thing I help my clients with every single day. I’d love to chat with you if you’re a resident of IL or FL to see if I can help. Shoot me a DM to book a free consultation today.

01/31/2024

🙋‍♀️Raise your hand if you’re sick and tired of fighting about the same thing over and over

You just need more date nights, right?!

*cough cough* THAT’S NOT IT *cough*

Let’s be real — if fixing things was that easy you would have made it happen a long time ago.

What you thought were your problems aren’t the real problem.

The problem is a breakdown in one of the 5 fundamental pillars of relationship.

Hear me out.

You’re not really arguing about the kids. Or the ex. Or who’s turn it is to empty the dishwasher. Or why they aren’t willing to budge about moving closer to your parents. Or how thoughtless they are when they agree to a schedule change without asking you first.

That’s why you keep having the same—or similar—arguments.

AKA: It doesn’t matter if something seems “solved” one day, another similar problem is just gonna pop right back up.

^Read that again.

The key to making things better isn’t just about dealing with the obvious problems. It’s about understanding every relationship’s 5 deeper needs: 1. Security 2. Fairness 3. Flexibility 4. Connection and 5. Aliveness

And I know uncovering and sharing your deeper needs SEEMS scary.

But it doesn’t have to feel like that scene in Hereditary. 🧟‍♀️

Starting to recognize and share your deeper needs can look like…

♥️ Self-reflection: Taking some time to journal about what truly matters to you in the relationship

♥️Listening actively when your partner speaks. Seeking to understand which of the 5 core needs they may be trying to get met.

♥️ Initiating convos about needs: Working together and discussing what aspects of security, fairness, flexibility, connection, or aliveness may be missing.

But it probably *doesn’t* look like criticizing or trying to use reason or shutting down. 🙅🏻‍♀️

So, if you’re ready to say goodbye to arguments that go nowhere and finally get your needs met, head over to hemispherescounseling.com. - Therapy for stepmoms in IL & FL.

Let’s tackle the real problem together because are within reach! 💖🗝️

01/24/2024

Let’s normalize admitting that stepmotherhood is HARD!

It’s okay if you don’t love it.

It’s okay if you don’t like or even love your stepkid

It’s okay if sometimes it’s overwhelming.

It’s okay if sometimes you think, “What the hell did I get myself into?”

That doesn’t make you a bad stepmom. And it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Stepmotherhood feels hard because it IS hard.

Of course it’s hard! We’re not only held to double standards, we’re held to impossible standards! “Love them like your own” but “don’t try to parent them.”

But you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a therapist who gets it can change everything.

❤️‍🔥 I will help you with:

〰 Breaking away from pressure and expectations
〰 Rediscovering yourself
〰 Prioritizing your wellbeing
〰 Communicating your needs and getting what you want
〰 Achieving peace with the ex

And so much more!

Book a free consultation. Comment “Me” below to receive a DM with more information.

01/04/2024

💣😲The kids shouldn’t always come first. Let me explain…

You know that feeling when every time the kids come over, you feel like you’re shunted to the side and your partner’s focus is solely on them until they leave again?

Girl, same.

I used to feel like I was a single lady again every kid weekend. I never felt more lonely or like an outsider than during those times.

→ I didn’t know then that it is OKAY and even NECESSARY to put my relationship first - even during kid weekends
→ I wasted so much energy feeling resentful and guilty.
→ I even joined my partner in overcompensating for his divorce guilt by doing all the things with/for the kids!

🤦‍♀️

IF ONLY I’D KNOWN THIS 👇🏽

All the energy that was spent overcompensating and bending over backward for the kids was doing more harm than good.

We’d been neglecting the most important thing: working on our relationship and putting it above everything else.

To all the stepmoms who have no idea what that looks like…it took me a long time to figure it out.

But when I did, it was life-changing.

Too often, Dads who re-partner after divorce think it’s best to always put the kids first no matter what. And stepmoms think that’s a reality that they have to live with.

Well, i’m here to tell you that it isn’t and it’s not.

Really, you need to switch your mindset to seeing your relationship as the foundation on which your entire blended family rests. If your foundation isn’t strong, the whole thing’s gonna crumble.

One way to strengthen your relationship is to give eachother loving attention every single day - especially when the kids are there.

Yes, it takes work. And old habits die hard, I know.

But when I tell you putting your relationship in the #1 spot changes EVERYTHING, I mean it.

Because when you feel cherished and prioritized? The little s**t won’t bother you as much.

Can I get a *woop woop*?!

I work with stepmoms and couples on these exact things every single day. Curious to know more? Book a call at hemispherescounseling.com

05/24/2023

Some midweek thoughts

05/22/2023

Early Morning journaling and coffee sesh. Happy Monday, folks. 🥰

05/12/2023

Being a stepmom is a role fraught with complexity - and for the stepmom who identifies as having an anxious attachment style (like I do) - that role can feel like a minefield.

Attachment theory says that our early relationships with caregivers affect how we relate to others later in life. In stepfamilies, attachment styles have a big impact on how the family interacts. If a stepmom has an anxious attachment style, she may worry a lot about being rejected or abandoned, constantly seek reassurance, struggle to bond with stepchildren, try too hard to please everyone 😅, get easily upset when she feels threatened, and have a strong desire for closeness. These behaviors can create tension and difficulties in the stepfamily.

Let's say Sarah is an anxious stepmom. To compensate for her insecurities and fears, she goes above and beyond to please her stepchildren and gain their acceptance.

For example, whenever the stepchildren come over to visit, Sarah goes out of her way to prepare elaborate meals, plan exciting activities, and buy them gifts. She believes that by constantly showering them with attention, gifts, and acts of kindness, she will secure their love and approval.

While Sarah's intentions are rooted in her desire to be accepted and loved as a stepmom, her overcompensation for her insecurities can have unintended consequences. It may create an imbalanced dynamic within the stepfamily, where Sarah's self-worth becomes dependent on external validation, and her own needs and boundaries may be overlooked.

Sarah, as the kids say, is doing the most. The Antidote? Sarah needs to do less. She needs what I call the Stepmom Stepback.

She needs to work on addressing the underlying anxiety that drives all of this over-functioning for her family in the first place. When I coach stepmoms to step back I’m coaching them to step INTO themselves. To work on building self confidence, setting healthy boundaries, and remembering who they were before they started dating a man with kids.

05/08/2023

Signs That You Might Need a Break from Dating:

1️⃣ Feeling Totally Burnt Out: Are you exhausted from the dating game, the disappointments, and all the emotional investment? If you feel drained, it might be time to press pause on swiping.

2️⃣ Emotionally MIA: When you can't seem to connect on a deeper level or you're straight-up feeling emotionally detached during dates. If it feels like your heart's on a leave-of-absence of its own, it might be time for a break.

3️⃣ Same Old Story: If you keep finding yourself in those familiar patterns and attracting partners who just don't vibe with your values and goals, it might be time to hit pause.

4️⃣ Losing Your Identity: When your self-worth starts depending on external validation or the success of your dating life, and you're like, "Wait, who even am I anymore?" It might be time for a dating detox

5️⃣ Fear and Freakouts: If dating has you constantly anxious and terrified of getting hurt or committing, it's time to take a breather

6️⃣ Feeling Totally Disconnected: When your own passions and priorities take a backseat because you're too busy swiping left and right. It's time to reconnect with what lights you up.

7️⃣ Major Negativity Vibes: If you're always feeling down about dating and have lost hope in finding a genuine connection, it’s time to give yourself a break so you can shift your mindset.

Taking a break from dating doesn't mean throwing in the towel on love. It's about giving yourself some TLC, rediscovering your amazing qualities and aligning with what truly matters. So, if any of these signs sound too familiar, take a step back, breathe, and focus on yourself. When you're ready, you'll come back stronger, wiser, and ready to rock the dating world. You got this! 🙌💕

05/05/2023

There’s no such thing as being codependent - According to Dr. Sue Johnson who developed a type of couples counseling called EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy).

And I love this take.

We learn ineffective dependence from our caregivers who give us our templates for how to be in future loving relationships.

If you feel insecure about your partner’s love for you and reach for them in ways that don’t work - you’re not clingy or codependent - you’re ineffectively dependent.

I have great news for you: Healthy dependence can absolutely be learned! Our culture has totally demonized dependence - we reward independence and self-sufficiency to a fault.

But we are wired for attachment and belonging. It’s a biological imperative that we connect and depend effectively on one another.

But many of us learned inaccurate messages about dependence…

What messages did you learn from your upbringing and/or past relationships about depending on others?

Did you have to disown and forget about your needs and strive for independence?

How uncomfortable or scary is it for you to share your feelings or to ask for love, care, and comfort?

Perhaps your messages were ones of weakness or cowardice.

But being effectively dependent on your partner actually takes courage and vulnerability and is one of the most powerful things you can do!

04/24/2023

🔥👏🏽

04/22/2023

A breakup strips everything away leaving only what is essential. It’s an opportunity to wake up. To rebuild. To connect more deeply - with yourself, the universe, others.

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