02/11/2026
It’s Wellness Wednesday — and this time of year can feel complicated.
Valentine’s Day can be uniquely activating for polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous folks — and there’s nothing wrong with that.
This holiday is organized around cultural scripts of scarcity and hierarchy: one partner, one primary bond, one “right” way to demonstrate love. When you love multiple people, negotiate time across relationships, or move outside couple-centric norms, these scripts can activate attachment systems around belonging, priority, and worth.
You might notice guilt, comparison, invisibility, jealousy, grief, or pressure to perform fairness rather than authenticity. Even secure relationships can feel strained when external expectations don’t align with internal values.
From a trauma- and attachment-informed lens, here are ways to navigate:
1️⃣ Name expectations explicitly. Shared rituals require shared meaning — don’t assume alignment.
2️⃣ Differentiate reassurance from ritual. Attachment needs can be met without over-identifying with a culturally prescribed date.
3️⃣ Allow asymmetry without equating it to inequity. Equity in non-monogamy is relationally negotiated, not externally dictated.
4️⃣ Track nervous system cues. Heightened comparison or urgency may signal attachment activation rather than relational failure.
5️⃣ Co-create meaning intentionally — or consciously opt out. Agency reduces resentment.
Polyamory and ENM invite ongoing consent, clarity, and emotional accountability. Holidays like Valentine’s Day can amplify attachment dynamics — and also offer an opportunity to practice regulation, communication, and differentiation in real time.
At Gemstone Wellness, we support individuals and partners in navigating relational complexity with trauma-informed, poly-affirming care. If this season is surfacing something tender, you don’t have to work through it alone.
Learn more or schedule a consultation at the link in our bio. ✨
