11/22/2025
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฝ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ง๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐น๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ. ๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ป ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ.
A biological mother making an impossible choice.
An adoptive mother holding dreams of family.
And the adopteeโoften the quietest voice in the room.
Growing up, I heard the familiar stories:
โYou were loved so much she gave you away for a better life.โ
โYou were chosen.โ
โA gift from Heaven.โ
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น-๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฑโฆ ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ต, ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ณ๐น๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐๐ผ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐บ๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น ๐ฒ๐
๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ.
A๐ป๐ฑ ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฒ, ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ด๐ฎ๐๐น๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด.
As a child, I learned that sharing my pain would make my adoptive mom sad, so I stayed silent. I swallowed my feelings. I shaped myself into who others needed me to be.
Eventually the messages became:
โYouโre lucky to be alive.โ
โBe grateful you werenโt aborted.โ
โBe grateful you werenโt kept.โ
๐ก๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ต.
T๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ปโe๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐ฐ๐ถ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐น๐ฒ.
And hereโs the deeper truth: This polarization doesnโt only live in adoption. It lives in ALL relationships.
Two (or three) people.
Each with lived experience.
Each with a truth.
Each believing their truth cancels out the other.
It mirrors the Drama Triangleโvictim, rescuer, persecutorโnot because weโre broken, but because weโre human and protecting ourselves.
๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฐ๐น๐ฒ.
W๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ.
W๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐๐น๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ด๐ฒ ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ต ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ต๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐น๐๐ฒโ๐.
Your truth matters.
My truth matters.
And honoring both is where new beginnings are born.
๐ ๐พ๐๐ฒ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ผ ๐๐ถ๐ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต:
โจ ๐ช๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐น๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฒ๐ป๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต ๐๐ผ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐น๐๐ฒโ๐ ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ตโw๐ถ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป?
This is where healing begins.
For adoptees.
For families.
For relations