The Luwandi Center

12/22/2025

So often we think boundaries are about telling other people what they can and can't do, how they can and can't treat us. The truth is, a boundary is something WE keep for ourselves.

Having good boundaries comes from knowing our own limits.

Sometimes we communicate them (if we need to) but it's OUR responsibility to tend them and to keep them. We don't realistically get to issue a "boundary statement" and then expect other people to follow our rules. And what a waste of energy to get angry if other people don't do exactly as we like!

Certainly, people can start "boundary work" by demanding that others respect their wishes. That's a normal rebound effect when people "refuse to be a doormat" any longer. It's a start, but that's not how boundaries actually work in real life and relationships.

The super cool thing is that once knowing, tending to, and controlling ourselves becomes our focus, life improves immensely. Boundaries can change over time as our capacity changes too. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, they probably should change as we grow, at least a bit.

You're a powerful, intelligent, amazing human being and you get to decide how YOU are going to live at every stage along the way.

Need to do some boundary work? I love helping people with this very thing. We'll sort out what is your responsibility in all of it as you carve a path that truly cares for YOU and brings you the most peace.

Link in bio or go to calendly.com/bethluwandi to schedule a session or a FREE consultation. Talk soon-

12/17/2025

How to Resolve Conflict

Resolving conflict can be a fraught topic. Why is that? You're IN your relationships, so the movement, patterns, stresses and joys of them, are something you just DO and HAVE. But there's one thing that determines how healthy they actually are. Like most truly valuable things, it's SIMPLE. You've probably heard me say that simple doesn't automatically translate as EASY, but stick with me. ...

Resolving conflict is the number one indicator of health in relationships. Knowing how to do it is paramount to your success.

11/25/2025

Welp, this is most definitely true! Y'all have heard me say before: "your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility."

It’s a reflection of their own limitations… (~from my book, 'Hearticulations')

11/18/2025

Darker days and approaching holidays can rev feelings of anxiety and depression for many. Here are THIRTEEN natural things you can do RIGHT NOW to help manage. Some of these are so simple and effort-less, you'll wonder why you haven't made them a regular practice before now.
Did I miss any?

If you're anxious or depressed, here are thirteen natural remediies that will help. You can start doing them right now.

10/02/2025

Self-esteem isn't Other-esteem. It comes from the inside out.

You don't have to earn, prove, or obtain it. But we weren't taught that as children. Truth is, it's very easy to learn the opposite.

But Fred Rogers gave us another message: "I like you just the way you are." And he also told us "You can handle big feelings."

Then he showed us what to do with those big feelings. (And it wasn't lashing out at others or having a fit or letting those big feels get the better of us. It wasn't denying them either.)

Good inner child work means we acknowledge our early wounding and childhood perception and then, as Wise, Gentle, Benevolent Adults, we peel those grimy little hands off the steering wheel, or off the hammer, so to speak.

We need to do both. Not one or the other.

Self-esteem is not about anyone else validating you or your feelings. It's about knowing you're valuable because you showed up in human form. You are a sentient, self-aware being. You do not have to prove, earn, or obtain your worth. At.All.

You don't deserve to be indulged either. Or coddled. And that inner child should not be driving the bus. It's okay. Showing up as a Wise, Gentle, Benevolent Adult requires appropriate self-esteem.

Don't quite know how to access that part of you? I can help.

Not convinced Gentleness and Benevolence are wise, adult characteristics? I can help with that too.

The Little You and the Big You BOTH deserve this kind of real self-esteem. Get on my call schedule: https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min or head to the link in bio. ?

09/10/2025

Lots of people ask the question "does marriage counseling work?" The answer depends on what you mean by "work". Does it help? Will you grow? Will it save your sanity or help you make a decision about staying or splitting? Absolutely YES! Will it save your marriage? I gave a complex answer HERE, but ultimately that answer is maybe... for the most part, yes......

What I really see as a relationship expert counselor and coach. Find out if marriage counseling is worth it.

08/29/2025

Sometimes, conversation can ruin a relationship. When 90% of communication is non-verbal, we would do well to know when to speak and when to contain our words and manage ourselves.

The tricky part is knowing when to do what, am I right?
When is something so important it needs to be said? When is it time to respect the other person as an adult and keep one's thoughts to oneself? And if something is so important we do need to discuss it, how do we go about broaching the topic in order to have the highest impact on the listener and hopefully get our needs met?

Addressing this is one of the most important things you can learn if you want to have healthy relationships. It's certainly one of the things we talk about in relationship counseling or coaching.

If you think you need to talk things out, it could be you're actually shooting yourself in the foot (and overwhelming your listener) with too many words. I know there's a reason you feel so strongly about needing to talk things out. And that is a legit, important reason.

But the truth is, talking too much guarantees you will NOT get what you want in relationships. Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy and one of my mentors, pinpoints "unbridled self-expression" as a Losing Strategy in relationship. Ongoing Losing Strategies produce very unhappy relationships and often lead to divorce.

It's definitely one of the things we address when we work together.

If you are well meaning, but know talking things out is not working to bring you closer to getting what you want in relationship...or if you're reading this and you're exhausted with all the words coming at you from your partner, reach out. Let's change all that.

Get on my call schedule https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min
and let's see about working together.

08/27/2025

The unexamined thought is not worth believing. So, question each of them.
Especially the thoughts you have as a reflex.

Questioning those reflexive thoughts- the ones that automatically flow- starts with accepting the possibility your current thinking MAY NOT be accurate, helpful, or beneficial.

It's understandable if this seems challenging. Most of us adopted our way of thinking in order to survive and make sense of the world when we had kid-brain and kid-logic working for us. Even if it made great sense then, it may not apply now.

Besides, most of us highly identify with our own thoughts, unless we've been invited to sit back and observe them.

Yoga can be good for this. Meditation is great! Both have enormously beneficial long-term, and short-term outcomes. In fact, any form of mindfulness produces tremendous benefits.

That's why it's one of the tenets and foundational pillars of Whole Human Therapy (TM).

I did not want WHT to be perceived as woo-woo, "granola crunchy", New Age, or just plain weird, so I incorporated mindfulness in a practical way.

One of the tools I ask clients to engage is the phrase "hmmmm, that's interesting." It gives them a chance to PAUSE and simply observe their thoughts.

It's something you can do. Instead of just going with that knee-jerk response (even when it's internal) go ahead and PAUSE, then, out loud, say "hmmm, that's interesting" and take a deep breath and let it out.

Next we say "the story I tell myself is" and say out loud the thought the mind jumps to. Using this phrase ahead of the thought AND making it verbal helps us resist heavy identification with it and surrendering to an unconscious acceptance of our own story.

From there, we get to decide if the thought is accurate, helpful, or beneficial.

There is ALWAYS a whole different way to look at any bit of information. When this process gets to be a daily habit, you'll find yourself with so much more clarity and insight instead of unconsciously letting your thoughts rule your day, mood, response, and actions.

08/20/2025

Recovery after relationship loss does not have to be scary. This one's for you if a grief or divorce recovery group is not your style, but you'd still like to get free of all the sticky spots. It's for you even if you feel guilty about getting past those stuck places. It's for you even if you're worried that doing this work means you didn't love the person. (Pssst, it does not mean that, but it's normal to feel that way).
Losing relationship can negatively affect us for a long time; indefinitely if we let it. There are things you can do to help. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNljwozOpR0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=ZGZ1dHdmNnQyM3A1

08/18/2025

Ask me anything today. Get on my call schedule and let's chat. https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min

08/17/2025

Whole Hearts Class starts tomorrow 6 pm Eastern. Go HERE to learn more and register! https://www.theluwandicenter.com/kuQ205 Very cool bonus in the first comment.

There is no doubt that the pain from losing a relationship can last a very long time. And living with a broken heart affects absolutely everything.

08/04/2025

I realize I'm talking cis normative, hetero stuff here, but it's hella effective. I tell my female clients all the time that a shift in their energy is needed.

Then we work on this.

Don't get me wrong: if love feels unsafe, there are good reasons. And we work on that first.

Some people are ready to take a look at their part in the energy of a relationship. I love working with THIS. If you might be ready, let's chat. Get on my call schedule at the website https://bethluwandi.com/contact-page-beth-luwandi/