04/03/2026
Butterfly, Spread Your Wings - April 2026
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
Inside the dark cocoon of a monarch butterfly a magical metamorphosis takes place. After the caterpillar chews a tiny hole in the cocoon, it begins its struggle to emerge. But the transformation is not easy—it takes work and determination for a beautiful orange and black butterfly to emerge from its cocoon and fly! But it is only through struggling that a butterfly can emerge healthy with strong “flying” wings.
Here’s a brief lesson about monarch butterflies. First, a female butterfly lays an egg on a milkweed leaf. Next, a tiny caterpillar begins to eat its way out of the egg. When the caterpillar emerges, it eats heartily on the milkweed plant, taking in food to sustain itself as it spins a chrysalis which is called a cocoon. Next, the butterfly must struggle before it can emerge and fly. Here’s a little story about how it happens (author unknown).
A man found a cocoon and took it home. One day a small opening appeared in the cocoon. The man watched the cocoon for several hours as a butterfly struggled to force its body through a very small hole. The butterfly seemed to stop making progress, then it appeared that the butterfly could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly in its struggle. He took a pair of scissors and carefully snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon, and the butterfly easily emerged.
As the butterfly emerged, the man was surprised to see it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly, expecting to see the wings dry out, enlarge, and expand to support the swollen body so that the butterfly could fly. But neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly!
What the man did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggling were required for the butterfly to be able to fly. The butterfly needed to push its way through the tiny opening to force the fluid from its body into the wings. Only by struggling through the opening in the cocoon could the butterfly’s wings become strong enough for flight!
The transformation of butterflies from their cocoons is on a fixed time schedule which is vastly different from how we as humans must struggle to heal after a loss. Even though there may be some similarities in how people grieve, each person’s process is also unique, depending on different factors. Some of the factors may include how old the person was when he/she died; how they died—a sudden death or after a long illness; or a violent death vs. a natural death.
It may also depend on the relationship of the one who is grieving with the deceased—was it long or short, was it loving, conflictual, or destructive? It may depend on the previous coping skills of the one left behind. Each of us is unique, so none of us will grieve in the same way or at the same pace—there are many variables!
There may be similarities in the feelings we may experience after a loss—disbelief, fear, depression, anger, to list a few. And like a struggling butterfly trying to exit its cocoon, grieving can also be hard work! It takes determination for a butterfly to push its way out of a tiny hole in a cocoon. Similarly, we must push our way through life’s challenges with determination to make it!
Just as the wrong kind of help is detrimental to the struggling butterfly, the help from others who do not understand what you are going through may not be beneficial. So, if you are given advice, consider whether it may be helpful or not to you. What works for someone else may not work for you. In many cultures the butterfly is a symbol of transformation and new life. Through struggling, butterflies develop strong wings to support their future flights. So if you are grieving, like an “unborn” butterfly, struggle hard and push those life forces into your wings. And don’t give up!
Then at the right time, like a butterfly, you will emerge, and you will be able to spread your wings and fly!
“Mourn not the cocoon, the butterfly has flown.”
Author unknown
