03/18/2026
Piggy-backing on my previous post about attachment styles: how do you move towards forming a more secure attachment?
This is all about retraining your nervous system and creating repeated experiences of safety, consistency, and emotional attunement (both from self and others).
✨Practice self-regulation: distress tolerance, deep breathing, grounding, mindfulness, taking a walk, etc. This calms and soothes the nervous system rather than reacting out of emotion.
✨Develop self-compassion: challenge negative self-talk, create an “inner coach” to counter the inner critic, validate your own feelings, and practice kindness to different versions of yourself (such as your childhood self). Often people can easily show compassion towards other but then have difficulty turning that inward as they become self-critical. You deserve the same kindness you extend to others.
✨Self-advocate by clearly communicating your needs and setting boundaries. This doesn’t have to be aggressive or selfish. You can vocalize what you need and what your limits are in a respectful, assertive way that creates a sense of safety and self-worth.
✨Choose to form relationships with people who are emotionally available and consistent, this creates corrective emotional experiences. Key to creating secure relationships are emotional attunement (do they tune in to how you’re feeling), repair after rupture (do they make an effort to mend the connection when there has been hurt), and comfort with intimacy (vulnerability).
