12/04/2025
Be honest. You know the “1... 2... 3...” routine doesn’t really work.
Sure, it might get them to stop screaming in the grocery store for five minutes. It might get the shoes on today.
But if it actually worked, why are you having the exact same battle, at the exact same time, every single day?
Here is the hard truth: Counting to three relies on fear. It says, “Stop this, or else.”
And that works... if the problem is that they just don’t want to listen.
But what if they can’t?
That is the missing piece. Strategies like counting and time outs assume the child is choosing to be difficult (that they won’t). But usually? They are struggling with a skill (they can’t).
And no amount of counting is going to teach a skill.
• Counting to three doesn’t help a brain that is too overwhelmed about seeing new people to process your words.
• Threatening a time-out doesn’t give them the vocabulary to say “I’m frustrated” instead of hitting.
• Getting louder doesn’t help a child who has forgotten the steps because their brain’s full and their attention moved to something else.
When we focus on “making them listen,” we are treating the symptom.
When we get curious about the “why,” we are treating the root cause.
It takes a little more work upfront to play detective. But I promise you, it is so much less exhausting than playing “bad cop” every single day.
If you are ready to stop just managing the behavior and start actually solving it, hit follow.
