August Advice

12/30/2021

August Advice has moved! We're joining forces with Willows Counseling at 5540 North Academy Blvd Suite 210

05/24/2021

Time travel is real and dangerous if not approached with caution.

When we travel into our past it is often to revisit old wounds, creating bitterness, despair, and the powerlessness that comes with being unable to change past outcomes. We are trapped by our viewpoint.

Reminiscing can be done from a grateful/restorative frame of "I learned from that experience" or "I survived that and am grateful" rather than the victim frame of "that ruined my life" or "I wasted my time/effort/love on that". Choosing your viewpoint is key to emotional health.

When we travel into our future it is often to "plan", which is a code for "I'm using my imagination and experience to fix problems before they happen". Our imagination is powerful and when fueled by anxiety or anger it becomes a personalized house of horrors.

We rarely look to the future for calm, we're afraid or excited. Mostly afraid, with excitement frequently turning to disappointment or depression when the imagined future does not materialize. This is the rigid future filled with criticism and blame. Again our viewpoint dictates our emotional experience.

Future planning serves our regulation best when it allows us to make small incremental changes in the present with lots of flexibility as our situation alters. This is the balanced future where there is only assessment and correction. This creates a sense of "control" over what we can control, the present moment.

Being in the present moment can be difficult, resulting in ruminations or predictions. More on that later.

Be well.

05/18/2021

Taking your child's mistakes personally, you will train the child to hide mistakes from you and deny them to themselves in the process. If you see mistakes as "Unhappy little accidents" you train the child to see them as learning experiences safe to share with you.

07/29/2019

Physical movement and diet are critical to emotional stability and resilience. Walk it off is often sound advice.

02/04/2019

We use Anger to guard our wounds. If you feel irritable or upset frequently you may need to talk about it.

Physicians have been taught to look for signs of hopelessness, sadness and lack of motivation to help them diagnose depression. But anger as a depression symptom is less often noticed or addressed.

01/31/2019

Much suffering is caused by living in our expectations rather than our reality.