04/28/2026
Last week my 15-year-old asked me to do a pull-up. I told him I couldn't. He said, "Come on, Mom. I believe in you."
We went back and forth, and finally I said, a little exasperated: "I can't do something my body isn't ready to do yet." And then I heard myself say it. 🤯
Because that's exactly how so many kids feel when we ask them to do something their brains simply aren't capable of doing yet. Not won't. Can't. At least not yet.
Without being asked, my son did something I didn't expect. He offered me scaffolding. 🏗️
He recognized the gaps between where I was and where I wanted to be, and he walked me through the steps to bridge them. Hanging from the bar, shoulder shrugs, small and specific bridges to build me up.
Scaffolding in parenting works the same way. It supports the structure while it's being built, and then gradually comes down as the structure can hold itself.
Our job isn't to build the building. Our job is to build the scaffold around whatever building they're growing into. 💛
And it holds when four things are present together: emotional availability, positive reinforcement, clear messaging, and consistent guardrails.
Want more like this? I send letters just like this one to my email community every week, real stories, research, and tools for parents doing the inner work.
shellyrobinson.com/email
