01/27/2026
“It’s Not About the Peas.”
Stick with me—there’s a story here.
Back when I worked at The Refuge, we received food donations all the time. And we just happened to receive a lot of peas. One week, they served said peas for lunch four days in a row. Day four hits, and one of my clients just loses it in the lunch line. Slams his tray down and yells, “I don’t want these dang peas!”
Now... I get it. Nobody’s dream meal is day-four peas.
But I looked at him and said, calmly but firmly:
“It’s not about the peas.”
Because it wasn’t. It never is.
We say this all the time now at Hope 4 2Morrow—because it sticks.
Nine times out of ten, the thing you’re flipping out about isn’t the thing.
It’s not the peas.
It’s the pain underneath.
It’s the control you lost.
It’s the grief you haven’t named.
It’s the shame you’ve been dragging behind you like a weighted blanket.
So yeah, next time you feel the heat rising and you’re about to snap over something small—ask yourself: What is this really about?
Because if you don’t deal with the root, you’ll keep punishing the people around you who didn’t plant the seed.
It’s not about the peas.
Dig deeper. Turn inward. That’s where the work begins.
- Heidi Hess, MS, LPCC-S
Executive Director, Hope 4 2morrow Counseling & Treatment Center
