08/06/2020
My summer turned into the exact opposite of what I expected it to be. My mood turned sour. I moved into the grieving stage of what we are all going thru. Grieving over what my life once was. I wanted to post about this last month but social media has really turned into a sh*t show and I made the decision to be off for my own personal well being.
I spoke to an astrologist last month who had I met in Costa Rica last year. Jokingly, she said you have been getting hit hard since March and if you think this is bad, wait until the fall. It is going to get much worse. I laughed and then instantly felt sick. She said this isn't to scare you, it's to prepare you. Reread that line - this isn't to scare you, it's to prepare you. What does that mean...you might say. Well, I'm a processor and it took me a few weeks of reflecting on what exactly does that mean. I know its about to get harder, but I have shifted my attention to what I do that. I have an amazing support system of friends I can count on, a partner that helps and listens, and my health (sorta). There is so much I have "lost" and there is so much uncertainty. If I continue to focus on that, my health will decline and my relationships will also deteriorate. I choose to live. I choose to not hang out in the wallowing area or negative nilly spaces. I choose to pivot. It's hard. It's hard to be in the thick of it and promote bliss. Promote happiness and self care when most of us can't even find 5 minutes to ourselves. You have to dig deep. Sometimes you need to yell and say I need to be alone. I need time to myself. Music is something that I hold onto dearly. I have all sorts of playlists depending on my mood. Find away to let your sh*t go.
To my dear friend - Brittany - I can't thank you enough for sending me this surprise. Came at the best time!