09/16/2020
Thoughts About Control (through the eyes of a toddler)
Consider a parent who gives their three-year-old a bath – a pretty common experience for parents everywhere. As children go from being infants to toddlers to “older” toddlers, they begin to assert more independence. The unfortunate results, in this case, is that they may not like it when their hair gets washed, because the water in her eyes, which never bothered her for the first 3 years of her life, has suddenly become intolerable.
So, you might be asking, what’s my point? Well, this week someone told me that the bath time experience, which had always been a time of bonding and joy, had become increasingly difficult because it resulted in tears and screams when it came time to actually do the washing. However, with increased independence came another change, and this person’s daughter decided to pour the water on her head herself, and despite doing an even worse job of keeping water out of her eyes, she happily poured bucket after bucket of water on herself. Her reaction was a complete 180 degree turn (again, with the kind of reversible logic characteristic of toddlers).
As I thought about it, the primary difference was control. The water wasn’t actually bothering her, it was more that the experience was unpredictable. It did not matter that by doing it herself she was undoubtedly increasing the amount of water in her eyes; All that mattered was that she was in control of what was happening.
I thought there is a lesson for all of us embedded in this tale of domesticity. During these strange and un-precedented times we have to cede some control to the universe, and focus more on what we are able to truly control, which is only our reaction to events. That water is coming in our eyes…how we react to that unpleasantness is one of the few things we are able to control. Our behavior is what we have to focus on, because inevitably events will occur that are out of our control, but we can be the eye of the storm and remain on course no matter what the universe throws our way.
Thank you for reading – I would love to hear any thoughts/comments/criticisms.
