Tammar Merin, LMFT

Tammar Merin, LMFT Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Tammar Merin, LMFT, Marriage Therapist, 145 County Road, Cresskill, NJ.

I provide therapy that is tailored to the family, couple or individual’s needs, and aimed at identifying and reinforcing inherent client strengths to promote healthy relationships and emotional healing in a safe and accepting environment.

03/31/2020

The current health crisis we are all facing definitely has significant implications on our mental health and our family and couple’s relationships. Each person and family are unique and therefore the implications are different. However, there is a major common factor which is more time together. This creates a family pressure cooker, which has the potential of exploding.
There are, however, a few steps we could take to reduce the impact: create a daily routine, involve the children in the household chores, have ‘alone time’ for each parent (a minimum of 30 minutes per day), have ‘adults time’ where the couple can talk, relax and support each other (for 30 minutes or more). Also talk to your children about the situation. Let them talk about their frustrations but also ask them if there are things they like about the situation. Video call family and friends (that will reduce the impact of social isolation).
And the most important thing - be more patient with each other, since this major disruption in our lives has the potential of damaging our relationships. Think how you would like your family to look like after this is all set and done.
You are welcome to reach out to me if you feel you need support for yourself or your relationships.
Stay safe and healthy.

When was the last time you had a fight with your partner? In fact, what types of interactions do you see as a fight? The...
12/20/2019

When was the last time you had a fight with your partner? In fact, what types of interactions do you see as a fight? There are couples who would refer to every disagreement as fight and others for whom only yelling, harsh word flying and slamming doors would be considered a fight. As a matter of fact, there are three types of interactions that reflect negative tension: a disagreement, an argument and a fight. So how can we increase our chances to remain at the disagreement level and don’t let things escalate to an argument and then to a fight?
There are many ways to accomplish that goal and I’m going to mention several of those:
1. Preventative plan: talk about fighting when there is no fight. We will try to agree on how to handle disagreements.
2. Stop before you go: slow down for a moment and check with yourself what is your goal for the upcoming interaction. If your answer is to hurt your partner you should probably take a step back since there are low chances for something good to come out of it.
3. Nobody is perfect: remember neither of you is either “good” or “bad”. Both of you are both good and bad. Remember there is a chance that you are wrong but just can’t see how.
4. Soft startup: try to start with a positive statement. That will increase your chances to be heard (“It is good to have you home and I wish you were here earlier so we/I could...).
5. “I” or “you” makes all the difference: use more “I” statements (talk about your experience) then “you” statements (which are usually carry an accusatory message).
6. The Tower of Babel: make sure you speak the same language, discuss the same issue, and not bringing past issues into the interaction.
7. Time out: when we feel extremely angry, emotional and hurt, it might be better to stop than to let things spiral out of control and say words that would scar our partner. It is better to take a time out and to come back to the issue at hand in a later time after we feel more calm.
8. Mirror mirror on the wall: although your partner is in front of you, look not only at them but also monitor yourself. Remember again you might have some blind spots your partner can help you see.
9. It is OK to say I’m sorry!

When a couple experience one or more of these signs, they should consider couples therapy:Their communication is mostly ...
12/20/2019

When a couple experience one or more of these signs, they should consider couples therapy:
Their communication is mostly negative.
They feel distant from their spouse.
They can't cooperate or agree most of the time.
They are not physically close and don't have s*x.
They have thoughts about separating or having an affair.
They go through periods of not communicating with each other.
They used to be happy together and are not anymore.
They feel they can't resolve their issues on their own.
They believe Their children suffer as a result of their relationship.
They don't enjoy your time together.

12/20/2019

Many human interactions are influenced by our need to feel loved. Neuroscientists have already proven in their research that love is not merely a romantic concept. It is a chemical reaction in the human brain that generates high levels of pleasure. We get to feel the taste of love right from the beginning of our lives, we can sense the touch, the look and the sounds that express love and fill our hearts with good feelings. And so, throughout our lives we accumulate experiences of love, and the more we experience them, the greater our yearning for them. The thing is, these experiences of love are not constant but an accumulation of moments. And so, we learn through trial and error how to please, to be noticed and to satisfy the people who are important to us, so we can have more of the wonderful taste of love.
In our relationship with our spouses, we try to duplicate what we have learned earlier in our lives, but apparently it doesn't always work. We might try to get love, support, closeness or comfort, but instead end up getting something completely different, as if our messages are misread.
And what about our relationship with our children? We want to show them unconditional love and also teach them to reach high, we want to make them feel strong and confident but also get something back. Is it more important for us to be loved by them or to teach them about boundaries? How do we do both and?
We should probably start by getting to know our need for love and its place in our relationships better. We should monitor the ways in which we communicate our desire for love, the way it’s received by the other side, and be open to learn new ways of communicating our wishes. The more effective our messages of love will get, the more satisfying our relationship will become.

12/20/2019

I feel blessed for opening my private practice where I look forward to continue providing therapy for couples, families and individuals who are looking for a positive change in their lives.

Address

145 County Road
Cresskill, NJ
07626

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