Arlene Kauffman, LMFT

03/06/2026

03/03/2026

02/26/2026

In a lot of cases, parents actually need to change their reaction to their child’s behaviour, if they want the behaviour to change. But what they will find through that journey is often more empathy for their child, a greater emotional capacity for their child’s emotional needs. It often begins as a pursuit to change behaviour and ends up in a deeper understanding of our child’s behaviour and our own.

Do you enjoy my posts about parenting? This post made the cut for my latest book. It’s a concept I’ve never seen before and I’m excited to be the first content creator to do this. I’ve taken my posts and created a book. The book is visually appealing and easy to read, just like when we scroll online or read a book to our child. You can read one post or a whole section. I know I’m bias but it is a must have for all parents who enjoy this page. It is also a way to pass on the knowledge you have gained from this account, to someone else.

Comment LOVE GROWS or go to the link in my bio to order your book today.

Title: Love Grows: A Collection of Works By J. Milburn

02/26/2026

Not all boundaries are healthy. Some protect you while allowing connection. Others either let everyone in or keep everyone out. Here's how to tell the difference.

Loose boundaries make it hard to say no even when you want to. You overshare personal information early on. You chronically fix, help, or rescue others. You depend on others' opinions to feel okay. You're easily manipulated or taken advantage of. You struggle to express your own needs and wants. You say yes out of guilt or fear of disappointing people. You feel responsible for other people's emotions.

Rigid boundaries create radical rules with little room for flexibility. You're fiercely private and protective of personal information. You have difficulty asking for help or showing vulnerability. You keep others at a distance to avoid rejection. You avoid intimacy and close relationships. You struggle to trust even safe, consistent people. You use walls instead of boundaries to feel protected. You disguise emotional unavailability as independence.

Healthy boundaries give you a clear sense of what's yours to carry and what isn't. You can say no without excessive guilt or explanation. You're assertive in a balanced and considerate way. You're flexible without losing your sense of self. You share personal information appropriately. You're comfortable asking for help when needed. You respect others' limits and expect the same in return. Your boundaries come from values, not fear or anger.

02/26/2026

02/21/2026

“Love grows strongest in the moments we choose to return, reconnect, and repair.”💛

02/20/2026

Pause doesn’t mean weakness, it means wisdom. Before reacting, breathe. Before speaking, pray. God meets us in the stillness and gives direction one moment at a time. Today, practice the holy pause. Let your next step be guided, not rushed. 🙏
“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

02/14/2026

Kelly is married to Dylan and in the last 5 years, she’s developed a shopping addiction. At first@she was in denial. It wasn’t until she was hiding Amazon packages from her husband and lying to him about money that she started thinking something was wrong.

Kelly’s husband works long hours in a hospital. She spends many nights alone watching tv and scrolling on her phone. She loves her husband, but they’re both overwhelmed with work. They’ve become strangers in way. They talk often about carving more time for each other, but life gets in the way.

Shopping gives Kelly an intense dopamine hit. Sometimes she just fills her cart for hours. Sometimes it’s just a quick moment on Amazon. She feels the impulse come up and she struggles to stop herself. Buying things gives her what she isn’t experiencing in her relationship: a feeling of being satisfied. She can’t put her finger on why, but she’s always felt alone. She’s always felt lonely, even as a child. The thrill of buying and trying new things is the only time her nervous system feels regulated. It’s the only time her mind is quiet and her thoughts aren’t ruminating.

But shame sets in quickly. She should be saving. Dylan has talked to her and she’s committed to budgeting. She knows she’s letting him down and when she does, sugar numbs the regret she feels. She shops, then she eats. Then she spends hours telling herself she’s worthless.

Kelly doesn’t understand how powerful the need for human connection is. When she shops, she’s not buying makeup or a new dress, she’s buying a tiny moment of feeling alive and connected to life. She feels almost nothing throughout the day, she’s dissociated. When she hits “buy now” life is hopeful again. When she walks into a store and buys things she tells herself she doesn’t need, she feels like she’s included in life— not just an outsider looking in.

Addiction is never about the substance. It’s the answer to a body that’s shut down or hypervigilant. It’s escape from pain and loneliness. It’s a miserable cycle, but it’s better than feeling nothing at all