TurnAround Counseling Services

12/20/2025

12/20/2025

Before you marry someone, ask the questions that don’t sound threatening—but quietly demand accountability. Narcissistic traits rarely announce themselves; they surface when a person is asked to reflect, take responsibility, or sit with discomfort. The right questions don’t accuse. They invite truth. And truth, when watched carefully, tells on itself.

1. “Tell me about a time you were clearly in the wrong.”
→ Red flag: No concrete example, heavy blame-shifting, or a story where they’re still the victim. Growth requires ownership, not a polished excuse.

2. “What would your ex say was hard about being with you?”
→ Red flag: Every ex is “toxic,” “crazy,” or “jealous.” When there’s no self-reflection, there’s no accountability.

3. “How do you respond to criticism?”
→ Red flag: Defensiveness, minimising, or framing feedback as disrespect. People who see correction as attack often see partnership as threat.

4. “What does a real apology look like to you?”
→ Red flag: Conditional remorse—“I’m sorry if you felt hurt,” or apologies that explain away harm instead of acknowledging it.

5. “How do you handle being told no?”
→ Red flag: Entitlement, control, sulking, guilt-tripping, or punishment. Respect for boundaries shows up fastest when desires are denied.

6. “Who has challenged you the most in your life—and what did you learn from them?”
→ Red flag: Contempt for anyone who challenged them, or claims that challengers were simply jealous or disrespectful. Growth leaves evidence.

7. “What patterns are you actively working to unlearn?”
→ Red flag: Claims of having “no real flaws,” spiritual bypassing, or vague answers with no ongoing effort. Self-work is specific—or it’s fiction.

Watch closely. Narcissism hides in charm and reveals itself when accountability is required.
Compatibility on paper or an app won’t protect your marriage. Character will.

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If this is you, I can help ❄️⛄️