12/03/2025
The old idea that grief has "stages," that it is linear and ends when a loss is accepted does not align with the way people describe their lived experience of grief and loss. Grief is not linear. Grief is messy, confusing, and unpredictable. Yes there are emotions including anger and sadness, and there may be denial, but there is so much more. There is physical pain that can show up anywhere in the body; there is mental anguish; there is fear. Then out of nowhere sometimes there is peace and happiness, only to be followed by a confusing bout of anger or even rage. Grief can make you feel crazy, like you've lost your mind, like your body is falling apart, and like you'll never be the same again. And truthfully, you won't ever be exactly the same as you were before the loss. That doesn't mean you won't someday feel better. Grief is complicated. Let's not try to minimize it and crush it down to fit neatly in a box labeled with stages. Let's learn about your grief, what it brings up in you, how it shows you what's really important, and how it can become less scary, sad, and frustrating. Grief is a process, an experience. If we will allow it and even welcome it, we can grow through it.
