03/16/2026
Before I ever fostered a child, people had a lot of opinions.
Mostly about why I shouldn’t do it.
What they didn’t seem to realize was this:
While they were explaining all the reasons not to step in, children were already living the consequences of adults who didn’t.
Here specifically are the reasons I was given not to foster and my responses.
1. “You’re single. Kids need and deserve a dad.”
These kids already have no parent who can keep them.
So tell me again how one parent who shows up every day isn’t better than zero.
If single people all stopped fostering tomorrow, the system would collapse.
2. “You work. The kids are going to be in daycare all day. What kind of life is that for them?”
You mean like millions of other kids? No, it wasn't my dream that my kids would be in daycare while I worked, but it was reality.
Biological parents work.
Foster parents work.
And for the record - at the time – I only worked in the office 8-12. The rest of the afternoon, my kids were home with me napping, playing, and being with their mom. My kids had someone to pick them up every day after daycare who would choose them on purpose.
3. “You can’t afford to raise these kids.”
Foster care provides a stipend. It isn’t much. And no, it usually doesn’t cover the cost of everything.
But you learn something when you step into this work:
You trust God to get you through it.
And you realize provision doesn’t always look like a paycheck.
4. “We know you. You’re going to get too attached and it will break your heart.”
Absolutely.
I knew I would. And I did.
Isn’t that the point?
But if someone isn’t willing to let her heart break for kids whose entire lives are already breaking, then how will those kids ever have a shot in life?
5. “You only have a one bedroom apartment.”
Then, I’ll start with a small girl who can sleep in a crib in my room.
“Well, what will happen when she turns two and has to move out?”
I will figure that out when I get there…. and I did.
You don’t refuse to help a child today because you’re afraid of a problem a year or more away.
6. “It’s not safe for you to deal with biological parents as a single mom.”
Sometimes it wasn’t.
I’ve felt at risk several times.
But when God calls you to something with purpose, you don’t step back because of fear. And these kids need people willing to step into the messy middle of their story.
7. “You’re wasting your master’s degree, your educational experience, and talents babysitting others people’s kids. You do understand this is just babysitting, right?”
This one stopped me in my tracks. Wow. And it came from so called spiritual leaders.
Yes – I had built a life in education.
Yes – I had worked hard for a master’s degree.
Yes – there was a clear career path ahead of me where I currently was employed.
But if using your education to help traumatized children feel safe again is considered wasting it… then maybe we’ve misunderstood the meaning and purpose of education. If foster care is considered a waste by so called Christians, well then that isn’t a Christianity I want any part of.
8. “No guy is going to want to marry you when you have these other people’s kids.”
Ha! Then he’s not for me. Next.
9. “You’re not going to know the behaviors and trauma you are bringing into your home.”
That’s true.
But here’s the thing people forget:
No parent knows what challenges their children will face as they grow up.
No one is guaranteed an easy road – not with your biological kids and not with anyone else’s.
10. The state you live in is terrible and liberal. You are subjecting yourself to a lot of liability, letting the government in your home constantly.
Yes. That part was hard.
Caseworkers in my home.
People evaluating my parenting.
People watching how I disciplined and taking notes.
People questioning my motives, my methods, and even my faith.
It was uncomfortable.
But just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.
And here’s the truth:
I didn’t have it all figured out.
I didn’t start fostering after it all made sense on paper.
I didn’t need to figure it out. God did.
He provided.
He moved mountains.
He opened doors I couldn’t have opened.
He mapped out house moves, roommate moves, child moves long before I did or could have.
And to the people who told me it was a bad idea...
You were wrong.
Because while you were explaining why it wouldn't work, children were finding safety in my home.
And I'd choose them... every. single. time.
