12/27/2025
Coytus Stumpwater, age 68, of Beaverdale passed away on Friday, December 26, 2025 at his residence in a tragic hotdog grilling accident.
Coytus was known for an employment history that defied structure. He worked briefly as an assistant night watchman at a closed drive-in theater, referred to himself for years as a creek inspector without authority or findings, and attempted to relocate raccoons with mixed results. He washed bait buckets at multiple bait shops, consulted for a roadside fireworks stand that burned down more than once, assisted a man he believed was a surveyor, and operated Stumpwater’s Mobile Sharpening, which produced more optimism than sharpness. In later years he could be found blocking funeral processions with solemn waves or sitting on porches that were not his.He was the patent holder of the “Hotdog Impregnater,” a device designed to inject cheese into hotdogs, an invention Coytus believed would one day “change everything” once the hotdog manufacturing industry was ready. His hobbies included whittling sticks into smaller sticks, collecting jars for unspecified purposes, fishing without bait to “keep it fair,” building birdhouses too small for birds, practicing harmonica indoors, and keeping notebooks filled with confidently incorrect information. He was known for strong opinions, offered freely and usually ending with “mark my words.” He was an avid NASCAR fan.
Coytus was preceded in death by his first wife, Darlene Butts Stumpwater; a second wife, Darlene Wellwater Stumpwater; his brother Elmer Stumpwater; his sister Nadine Stumpwater, who stopped speaking to him in 1989; and several friendships he insisted were “on hold.”
He is survived by a third wife, Darlene Twitty Stumpwater; son, Coytus “CJ” Wellwater Jr.; four grandchildren; several distant cousins who will attend “just to see”; and a shed full of items labeled “important.”
Funeral services will be held at 2:00pm Friday, January 2 at Ahmad D’Shanti Funeral Home Chatsworth Location with Pastor Oliver Cloesoff officiating, with burial to follow at Stumpwater Cemetery . The family will receive friends from 12:00pm until 2:00 pm Friday at Ahmad D’Shanti Funeral Home - Chatsworth Location.
Arrangements are entrusted to Ahmad D’Shanti Funeral Home, where our family will treat your family like family.