Guide To Self, Inc.

For Bob, it was easier to stay at work, than to come home and be with his wife. “I know what’s expected of me at work. It’s clear. When I come home, I’m in for a ration of s**t. And I just sort of stopped wanting to be alone with my wife because every time we’re alone, it ends up in an argument.”

“Years of burying myself in my work have led me to become maritally brain dead. I sacrificed everything to provide for my family. Now I’m losing them because of my sacrifice. What do I do? It’s been a long slow process of bloodletting - drip, drip, drip. My life is so normal now, and, by that, I mean fu***ng boring. How did we wind up here? If you looked at us, THEN, and look at us now,....sheesh! When we first started dating, we’d never scream at each other. We had s*x all the time. We never went days without speaking. We weren't this pi**ed off and hurt. Now we just get on each other’s nerves...all the time. We have become so hardened with petty hurts and slights and exhaustion that we just don’t fit together anymore.”

Marriages don’t typically end due to one large transgression, like an affair. Marriages die due to thousands of tiny paper cuts -- a long, slow process of disappointments, resignations, grudges, annoyances, and hurts which caused Bob to turn away from his spouse instead of towards. As the paper cuts accumulate, they lead to stonewalling, contempt and disconnection. They lead to a dynamic in which there is no room for course correction. Despite their love for one another, the smallest hurt now leads to angry withdrawal. They give up out of self-protection, and resignation. They stop trying to connect because of the anticipated lack of connection — the rejection is just too painful. And nothing ever gets resolved or improved. Their dance of numb survival continues.

Unfortunately, this hurt and anger didn’t leave Bob when he went to work. It packed a bag and went with him. And it made itself known as irritation and impatience with those he managed. It slowly eroded his social capital within his firm. He lost trust. He began to manage out of fear and intimidation. And his employees began to leave his company, because, employees don’t leave companies, they leave managers.

So I taught Bob. I taught him scientifically proven tools to improve his communication with his wife, his sons, his employees. I began to teach him how to motivate others positively rather than negatively. I taught him how to master his own mind — thoughts and emotions. We developed a plan for a positive future so he has goals and a vision to look forward to — both personally and professionally. I taught him about forgiveness as the way to let go of those past hurts and disappointments. He learned about passion, positive emotions, and awareness. He became more realistically optimistic, and as a result less pessimistic and less depressive and irritable. Now he no longer is at the mercy of his anger, his fear, or his hurt. He is happier at home and at work. He enjoys life again.

Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change — at home and at work. You need happiness, purpose, and satisfaction at home AND at work for a truly contented and satisfying life. Give me a call at (925) 575-0258 or email DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com to discover your peak performance.