04/01/2026
Many years ago, I came up with this ad for April Fools, I haven’t been able to beat it, so I will just repost. One day, I firmly believe someone will book it! Lol
A huge majority of people around the world believe Bacon makes anything better! The yummy fragrant smell of applewood smoked meat candy causes bacon lovers world wide to exclaim "We can't get enough BACON!"
Bacon makes people feel happy, which in turn reduces stress like nothing else. Happy pigs make happy skin. Pigs are known to be genetically similar to the makeup of humans. It is because of this that the fat in the bacon is so healing to human skin. In fact, there are no known allergies to pig fat.
While most people would describe this treatment as gross, It is actually great for dry, scaly, patchy skin, or even troubled skin. Really, this treatment is great for any type skin! This bacon wrap infuses the skin with Rich Omega 3 Fatty Acids and choline. It is a source of saturated fat, and is extremely soothing to the skin. How many pigs have you seen with Acne? It just doesn't happen, and because of that, it clears up acne in humans fairly swiftly.
No petroleum by products, no harsh chemicals. Non-GMO pigs are fed on a clean diet and not filled with antibiotics.
Additionally, by using Lard in a session of massage, natural human cellulite in the body is attracted like a magnet to the bacon fat molecules and drawn out of the body. By the time the wrap is cleansed off of the body using hot steamed towels, very close to a pound of body fat may have been released.
For a limited time! Book your BACON Body wrap and LARD Massage for a very special introductory price of $250. This includes a pound of premium quality applewood smoked bacon which will be used to smother your skin in it's rich intoxicating and succulent yumminess.