Building a Eucharistic Marriage

Building a Eucharistic Marriage Building a Eucharistic Marriage is a 7 part online program for Catholic couples. The Discovering Our Deepest Desire (D.O.D.D.) The D.O.D.D.

curriculum is not just about strengthening marriages, but it is also about building Marriage Education teams in our church that provide marriage support and encouragement to those in need. It seeks to encourage ongoing support versus a “flash-in-the-pan” approach. Too many people wait too long to get help for their marriage, out of fear of what it will look like to others. Often, couple’s wait until their marriage is in extreme crises or at the end-of-the-rope before finally seeking help; and often, at this point, it is too late. concept is built upon creating ongoing support for couples and for reducing the stigma of marriage education being only for those in trouble. Rather, it should be readily available in our churches in order to help couples grow in and work at their marriage, ongoing, with the support of their faith community.

“Love” is such an overused word of an action, that is so underutilized. So many people I see in therapy say that, though...
04/07/2026

“Love” is such an overused word of an action, that is so underutilized. So many people I see in therapy say that, though things are rough, at times, they do love their spouse. Yet, they proceed to tell me about all the horrible things that they say and do to each other: yelling, screaming, call each other mean and nasty names, manipulating, neglecting, and even abusing. So many people equate “love” with a feeling of happiness, and when they are not happy, or their spouse is not happy with them, they feel like their love is dying or dead. After a while of the behaviors above, it actually does die.

However, love is a choice. It is a choice to commit to someone else through good times and bad, times of good health and times of sickness, times of plenty and the times of poverty, until death. Love calls us to make the choice every day to work at our marriage when things are rough, and to do it sacrificially and generously rather than through selfishness and demands. A choice to die to ourselves for the good of our spouse.

Love is an action. It is doing things for my spouse because they need it done, not because I feel like it or because I get something in return. Ultimately, it is to love another for the sake of the other. We also need to let go of our need to “fix everything for our spouse so they can get back to happy.” Many times, love calls us to walk with our spouse as they suffer their own ‘cross.’

Love costs us something. In order to give to another person, it must cost me something: time, attention, action, comfort, pride. To love another person calls us to sacrifice some part of ourselves in order to fill up something inside of them. This is why, in marriage, it has to be a two-way street. If not, one or both spouses will become completely depleted. But if we both are actively feeding each other, we will discover that those are the times when we become truly filled with love and deeply connected. To quote from the musical Les Misérables, “To love another person is to see the face of God.”

ACTION STEP: This week, look for ways to help your spouse carry their daily ‘crosses’ and pray for the grace to do it with joy.

(Galatians 5:21-26) - “..the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gent...
03/26/2026

(Galatians 5:21-26) - “..the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ [Jesus] have crucified their flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit. Let us not be conceited, provoking one another, envious of one another.”

I would like to start another series of tips around the Fruits of the Spirit and discuss some ways in which each could or should be a part of our married life. Our world is filled with so much darkness and sinful pressures that work against the health of all relationships, especially marriage. In fact, in Galatians 5:19-20, St. Paul gives pretty good descriptions of things that are still tearing down marriages today: immorality, impurity, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissention, drunkenness, etc. But God wants so much more for us and offers us help, through the Holy Spirit, with living out these virtues every day.

The Sacrament of marriage comes with the promise of an abundance of grace from God to help us endure trials and sufferings and to help our spouse in finding joy, peace, and a deep sense of love and gratitude. This is what we are called to live out through this nuptial vocation. But we need to seek out Christ to help us in accomplishing this task.

The problem is that many people today don’t invite Christ to work in and through their marriage by asking for His grace, and then allowing themselves to let that grace transform their lives and actions. We have to remember, it is not magic and Christ does not thrust it upon us. We must humbly ask Him for the grace and then let it fortify us to do the hard actions that will strengthen and heal our marriage. As I go through each of these fruits, I will be reflecting on one or two ways we could be living them out each day in our marriage.

ACTION STEP: This week, read through the passage above and ask Christ to help you identify which fruits of the Spirit you need help with living out more in your marriage.

Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely.In all your ways be mindfu...
03/17/2026

Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely.
In all your ways be mindful of Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

Guarding the heart can have many different connotations: guarding feelings, guarding our trust in others, trying not to get emotionally hurt, etc. However, I want to speak from the meaning I am perceiving from the reading above in Proverbs. We are called to “be in the world but not to be of the world” or ruled by what the world teaches. Often in the classes I teach on marriage, I encourage couples to start looking at their marriage more through the eyes of Christ and less through the eyes of the world. This to me is the deeper meaning to guarding our hearts.

The world teaches us things like, “It’s your body, you can do what you want; even if you want to have an abortion,” and “Having too many children is irresponsible,” and “If you’re not happy in marriage, you should get a divorce and do whatever makes you happy.” And the list goes on. The world has a way of encouraging us to say, and do, whatever we want regardless of reality, truth, and decency. As Christian though, we are called to order our hearts differently and less selfishly.

True happiness comes from knowing that God loved each of us into existence, out of pure graciousness, and a deep longing for us to be with Him in heaven someday. He establishes rules to guide our lives away from the slavery of sin, that only seeks to entrap our hearts even more. Guarding our hearts calls us to allow Christ to be our true source of trust, and happiness, and love. As we do this and allow Christ to shape our hearts, we will see His grace transform our love for our spouse, our children, and others. So, in all matters of the heart, seek to love, especially your spouse, as Christ loves you.

ACTION STEP: This week, pray for the grace to look at the world through the eyes of Christ and to love other’s accordingly.

Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatev...
03/13/2026

Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Guarding our thoughts is not just about avoiding lustful or sinful thoughts, but also about making sure, we don’t go quickly towards thinking the worst of another person, especially our spouse. It’s best practice not to assume the worst before we’ve had a chance to talk with them and understand what is going on in their heart. Both of these thought distortions can be very damaging to our marriage, in that they can cause our hearts to grow distant from our beloved.

When we give into lustful and sinful thoughts about others, it often leads to an objectification of that person and a craving for selfish pleasures. It can lead to a dissatisfaction with our own marital intimacy and cause us to be frustrated with our spouse’s lack of affection at times. We also need to guard our thoughts from thinking the worst of our spouse when things get difficult or we have disagreements or unfulfilled expectations. This will often result in the creation of a negative, and often unsubstantiated, view of our spouse, which will adversely effect our interactions with them.

These are only two ways that our thoughts can work against the health of our marital relationship, but there definitely are more. The more important thing to say here, is that we need to guard our thoughts from going to the negative, the dark, and sinful thinking because it will eventually shape our actions towards others. We need to approach things positively and with hope, but even more so, with prayer and trust in God. Especially with our spouse, we need to give them the benefit of the doubt and always seek understanding. We need to communicate well, listen more, pray for God’s heart to guide our heart, and to stop “filling in the blank” with disordered thoughts. Only that will bring more clarity to our thoughts.

ACTION STEP: This week, identify ways that you approach your spouse from a negative perspective, and work at thinking the best, but following that up with a conversation to bring about clarity.

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, s...
03/03/2026

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”

The bible talks about the tongue being a powerful tool, that can be used for building up those around us, or utterly destroying them. In providing therapy to so many married couples, I have experienced hearing about two people, who are supposed to love each other, and to be each other’s helpmate, saying and doing things to each other, that are horribly mean and nasty. Most of the time, couples say vicious things to each other, in the midst of high frustration and emotional arguments. Thus, as a therapist, I always instruct couples to never continue a heated dialogue, but rather to take a “time-out” to cool down and pray.

I find that many couples struggle with communication well and often get into yelling matches with each other. Sometimes, damaging in another way, the opposite happens, where, instead of arguing, one or both spouses shut down, stop talking, and close in on themselves. Both are a recipe for frustration, resentment, and hopelessness. Both of these situations, come out of a lack of, one or both individuals, not feeling heard. The more the emotions rise in the exchange, the more chances there are of spouses saying things to each other that are very hurtful and damaging. Or, the more silence and avoidance that occurs, the more our minds “fill in the blanks” with unhealthy, hurtful, and even resentful thoughts. Neither help strengthen a relationship.

It is very important that we don’t allow high emotions to direct our discussions. We need to use our words in ways that are more inviting, and gentle, as we work through issues together. We need to show patience and determination in our desire to understand one another, and work to think the best of one another. Guarding our tongue sometimes mean that we spend more time listening rather than talking. It also calls for us to use words to heal, not attack and punish. Remember, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

ACTION STEP: This week, avoid highly charged disagreements and seek to be more gentle with your words to your spouse.

02/24/2026

Marriage Matters Video #87 -- Forgiveness

Matt. 6: 22-23 – “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but ...
02/24/2026

Matt. 6: 22-23 – “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.”

The eyes are the lamp into the soul. We will either bring goodness, or sin into our soul, based off of what we allow our eyes to gaze upon. We may think that our will is so strong, that watching something that is filled with violence, nudity, evil, and darkness won’t affect us, and that we are just being entertained. However, the more we let these images into our heart and soul, the more they wear on our acceptance of sin, and the more emotionally numb we become to its effects.

One of the areas that is destroying relationships today, is the number of people that allow po*******hy into their lives and, believe it or not, into their bedrooms. Po*******hy has no redeeming value, and is addictive and highly damaging to relationships, and to our own emotional health. The neurochemicals released by the brain, every time po*******hy is viewed, eventually causes a “rewiring of the brain,” that leads to depression and anxiety, as well as addiction, and a need for more depraved forms of p**n to satisfy the addiction. In many ways, scientists have found that it is more addictive than crack-cocaine.

We have to realize that sin flourishes inside of us when we stop fighting back against it. We need to guard our eyes, because when we allow images to “be seen” and they are attached with a strong emotion, they ‘burn’ into our memory and stay with us for a long time. So do we want to remember dark and disturbing images long into the future, or the good, the true, and the beautiful images, that have the potential to strengthen peace, hope, and faith? Guarding our eyes is important for our own wellbeing, as well as our view of the world around us, and our loved ones nearest us.

ACTION STEP: This week, find more opportunities to guard you eyes from dark and sinful images and take more time to gaze upon the things that are true, good, and beautiful.

In a world so filled with visual and auditory stimulations, we are often bombarded by thousands of images and sounds tha...
02/18/2026

In a world so filled with visual and auditory stimulations, we are often bombarded by thousands of images and sounds that encompass our daily experience. Some of these stimuli can be beautiful and uplifting, but many of them often tend to be crude, degrading, perverted, and downright evil. When we invite these images and thoughts into our lives, they have a way of affecting our judgements, feelings, mood, and actions, for good or for ill. They can also greatly damage our relationships with others, especially our spouse.

Over the next several weeks, I will be writing about the danger of not guarding our senses (sight, thoughts, tongue, etc.), or, in other words, not protecting our hearts, and the hearts of others, through monitoring our words, thoughts, and actions. Too often, we can justify the things we watch on the internet, or TV, believing that they are not affecting our moral compass. We can justify the things we say, with the belief that the words are true, whether or not they are stated harshly or with poor timing. We can also justify impure thoughts, with the excuse that we are not outwardly acting upon the thoughts. However, Christ warned us of the damage of this type of action, (Matt. 5:28) “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Over the next several weeks, I want to challenge all of us, me included, to understand the damage that comes from not protecting our senses, and also the power and gift it can be to ourselves and others when we do safeguard them. It takes, not only our own will to do it, but also, and most importantly, our asking God for grace to overcome these temptations we struggle with. We need to have the resolve of believing that in doing so, we are actively protecting ourselves as well as the wellbeing of our spouse and children.

ACTION STEP: This week, start thinking about all the ways you justify allowing sin to enter into your life or how you allow it to come forth from you towards others. Pray for the grace to change these behaviors.

02/11/2026

Marriage Matters Video #86 -- My Gratitude Gift

Our office will be closed on February 16, 2026.
02/10/2026

Our office will be closed on February 16, 2026.

(John 9: 39-41) Then Jesus said, “I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those...
02/10/2026

(John 9: 39-41) Then Jesus said, “I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those who do see might become blind.” Some of the Pharisees who were with him heard this and said to him, “Surely we are not also blind, are we?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you are saying, ‘We see,’ so your sin remains.

I am going to attempt to comment on what I believe this passage is saying and then relate it to marriage. Why? Because that’s what I do. In this passage, Jesus is not solely talking about physical blindness. When referring to the Pharisees, he’s alluding to their spiritual and even moral blindness. The Pharisees are not the innocent blind, willing to accept the testimony of others but rather they refuse to see their long-awaited Savior in front of them because of their arrogance and pride. Their rejection of Christ is their sin and their downfall. Christ spells out the symbolic meaning of the cure: If you allow yourself to admit you don’t know everything, then I (Christ) can teach you something that will help your wellbeing. But because you say ‘We see’ or we know better, you cannot learn, and thus your hearts will not be open to the remedy for your sinful pride. Thus, your sin remains.

In therapy, I often hear the complaint from couples that their spouse informs them that they are wrong as soon as they hear something they don’t like from them. They are quick to argue, and defend, and explain until both end up yelling at each other and then walking away angry. But, when I am able to help couples, in session, really listen to their spouse and to seek understanding, 9 times out of 10, most of them discover that all they are arguing about is the ‘symptoms’ of a situation and not the root cause. They miss the deeper fear, or need, or concern, and thus nothing ever changes. Their problem (sin) remains.

Couples need to stop arguing from their own ‘not-fully-informed’ perception, and truly seek to completely understand each other’s perceptions, root concerns, and needs if they are going to have any progress and healing. But first we have to admit, “I’m blind, and need a cure for my blindness.”

ACTION STEP: This week, take more opportunities to ‘pause’ your reactions to your spouse, and put effort into understanding the ‘root’ fear, need, or concern behind each issue.

01/29/2026

Marriage Matters Video #85 -- Lasting Memories

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