Anna Gonowon Coaching

Anna Gonowon Coaching Life Strategist. MBA, Master Certified Coach. Certified in trauma, authenticity, grief, & loss.

It's easy to spend too long in situationships, undefined relationships, and in relationships that don't move forward or ...
03/18/2026

It's easy to spend too long in situationships, undefined relationships, and in relationships that don't move forward or grow, especially when we get comfortable or don't want to rock the boat.

However, despite seeing each other and talking regularly, you still may not know where it’s going.

These questions help you get specific about three things:
1) What you want and what they want
2) What you've shown and what they’ve shown
3) What the relationship actually is right now

If you’ve been here before, you already know that time can pass without a clear answer.

Direct questions shorten that timeline of waiting. People who want the same thing will answer clearly.
People who don’t will show that, too.

If this helped you think more clearly about your situation, follow for more direct, practical, and science-backed relationship guidance.

Lots of people, myself included, try to reason their way through relationship discomfort. Logic-ing through life is espe...
03/16/2026

Lots of people, myself included, try to reason their way through relationship discomfort. Logic-ing through life is especially true if you're a smart person, a hard worker, an observant person, and/or someone who is highly emotionally intelligent.

We review conversations.
We replay what was said and review what happened 8n internal highlight reels.
We search for explanations.

Meanwhile, our bodies are reacting.

Tight chests or aching necks and shoulders during conversations.
Knots in our stomachs when we see messages.
Exhaustion after spending time together.
Carefully choosing our words and our actions.

Pay attention to how your body responds during and after interactions. Notice when you feel relaxed, steady, and feel able to speak freely. Notice when you feel tense, guarded, or tired.

Over time, these observations reveal patterns about the health of your relationship.

03/15/2026

What do you think?

In past relationships, did your effort to change your partner or the relationship actually change the situation or make things more peaceful, more harmonious, happier? Or was the deeper issue about compatibility?

Many people approach relationships with the belief that enough effort will eventually make things work...and rightly so, because all relationships require work and consistent, matching effort from both parties.

Science and over 20,000 hours of one-on-one coaching have taught me that communication improves when two people learn how to listen and express themselves more clearly. Trust always can grow again when both people take responsibility, are patient with each other, and follow through.

Deep problems often remain in some situations because the two people want very different things from a relationship and have vastly different viewpoints.

Different values.
Different priorities.
Different expectations about commitment, family, money, or daily life.

When people - especially high-achieving, hard-working people - encounter this, they often respond by trying harder.

They explain again and in different ways.
They try new approaches.
They become more patient, more flexible, and more accommodating.

For many of my coaching clients, the turning point comes when we start asking different questions.

Is this a problem that effort can improve?

Or are two people asking the relationship to serve very two different lives?

Let me know in the comments what you think!

03/15/2026

It's fairly common for people to spend months, sometimes years, trying to figure out what to do about a problematic or inconsistent and unstable relationship.

We replay conversations and examine them in detail.
We reread messages.
We investigate and interpret every interaction.

While my coaching practice centers itself around data gathering, analysis, and decision science, there's always a point when analysis stops being healthy.

A clearer approach is to methodically look at three conditions that exist in stable relationships and then examine the state of these conditions in our relationships.

1. Safety: Do I feel safe?
In a safe relationship:
• I can say I’m upset without being made fun of or shut down.
• Arguments focus on the issue.
• My feelings are not used against me later.

2. Respect: Do I feel respected?
In a respectful relationship:
• They listen when I speak.
• They do not talk down to me.
• My boundaries are understood and taken seriously.

3. Being chosen: Do I feel chosen?
In a relationship that chooses me:
• They make time for the relationship.
• They follow through on plans and promises.
• They are consistent.

Science says that everyday responsiveness, respect, and reliability are strong predictors of relationship satisfaction and stability. When one of these is repeatedly missing, the pattern often becomes clear.

If you’re interested in practical ways to evaluate relationships and make clearer decisions, follow for more evidence-based relationship insights.

P. S. I decided to take a timeout this evening and make a ginataang, which is a Filipino dish of cooking in coconut milk.

03/15/2026

Even though I have over 20,000 hours of one-on-one coaching sessions and one of the world's highest relationship reconciliation rates, my brain still works like yours.

Every month, I listen to 100-200 people, many of whom who describe exes or partners who are immature/insecure/jealous, lie, cheat, etc.

I'm often asked, "What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

While my internal reaction is often… vivid, I always remember that coaching is about helping us slow down, see the patterns and behaviors clearly, and decide what actually protects ourselves and our futures.

Heartbreak, relationship conflict, and drifting/disconnection bring emotional contradictions that we can struggle to und...
03/13/2026

Heartbreak, relationship conflict, and drifting/disconnection bring emotional contradictions that we can struggle to understand.

You may still feel love for someone who hurt you.
You may miss the connection while also recognizing the damage that occurred.

Attachment research shows that emotional bonds do not disappear immediately after conflict or betrayal. The brain forms relational attachments through repeated emotional and behavioral patterns. When a relationship ends, those connections take a long time time to unwind.

This is why people often experience several emotions at once:

• affection
• anger
• longing
• disappointment
• relief
* numbness

Psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone, PhD, explained that attachment can persist even when a relationship is no longer healthy. The emotional system continues to respond to the familiar person while the cognitive system begins evaluating what is sustainable long term.

Two realities can be present simultaneously:

You can love someone.
You can also recognize that the relationship cannot continue in the same form.

So, if you understand this, you can see why you should be kinder to yourself when relationships breakdown. Mixed emotions don't mean you're crazy, confused, or weak. Mixed emotions reflect the normal neurological reality of love and loss in human beings.

03/13/2026

Heartbreak can push you to make fast decisions. The pressure to define things and come to conclusions after breakups, breakdowns, or fights is intense and overwhelming.

Science shows that strong emotional states reduce our cognitive processing and increase impulsive decision making. If we slow down the decision-making process even a little, our judgment improves dramatically.

Before making any decisions, collect the facts and information about the facts, your experience, thoughts, and feelings.

First observe:

• What emotions are present
• What events triggered them
• What thoughts repeat
• What you imagine
• Which parts are facts and which are stories

03/10/2026

Tell me in the comments what you're trying to accomplish today or what you're looking for.

Stanley loves paper and rooting around in boxes, so he jumped at the opportunity to explore the packing paper from a recent delivery.

Every day, I set aside at least 15 minutes to focus on finishing one personal task. Doing this makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something and gives me a sense of control, which are important given everything that's happening in the world.

Today's tasks were unpacking deliveries and enjoying a cup of tea.

03/09/2026

Great things have been brewing while I was on hiatus, and I'll be posting regularly again!

How are you doing in the midst of all the upheaval around us these days? How are you able to go about daily life stuff?

Some days, I'm doing well, and I try to focus just on what I can control and looking for ways to be strong, positive, and connect with people in real life. Then, there are days when I feel guilty and sad about doing well and being happy. Other days, I'm doing poorly because so much happening in the world is a dumpster fire.

02/04/2026

I've lost over 120 pounds in the past 18 months, and my weight continues to slowly go down.

But how I perceive my body and how I feel in my body have remained the same. Even though I (sometimes) see there's a difference, it feels surreal.

Does anyone else on a health journey feel the same way?

02/02/2026

By listening almost 30,000 hours to heartbroken and sad people... And learning the hard way myself, I figured out finally things I say NO to.

Here's my partial list. Hopefully, it helps you out so you can avoid all the heartache I've witnessed and experienced.

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