Anna Gonowon Coaching

Anna Gonowon Coaching Life Strategist. MBA, Master Certified Coach. Certified in trauma, authenticity, grief, & loss.

04/01/2026

On Wednesdays, I try to take a moment to list at least one thing that makes me smile.

Tell me in the comments what made you smile or interested you today!

The breakup just happened.You're in survival mode, and it's very likely you're going to be in bed most of the day. You'r...
03/28/2026

The breakup just happened.

You're in survival mode, and it's very likely you're going to be in bed most of the day. You're not going to feel hungry. You're not talking to anyone.

You may be replaying different moments and trying to understand what happened.

These are common reactions when our most emotionally intimate relationship ends suddenly.

Sadness, anger, confusion, and numbness will come in big waves, all at once. It's very likely you're bursting into tears often.

It’s normal and understandable to feel shattered.

Right now, the goal is not to figure everything out. The goal is to get through the day.

Eat a little.
Drink water.
Sleep.
Cry and yell.

If you're going through a breakup, keep this saved and come back to everything is tough. Breakups don't have to break you.

03/27/2026

There's so much going on in the world and in LIFE that we can't (and shouldn't) avoid the news or what's happening around us.

We feel tense and can't focus. If good things happen or if we enjoy something, it's easy to feel guilty.

It is okay to want to feel good and to have joy. Here's what I tell my coaching clients:

1. Refocus on who and where you are right now.

* Put both feet on the floor
* Drop your shoulders
* Take slow breaths out

2. Connect with where you are physically.

* Look around
* Name 3 things you can see
* Name 1 thing you can hear
* Name 1 thing you can feel

3. Do something for the next 10 minutes.

* Set a 10 minute timer
* Start right away
* Examples: walking, making coffee or tea, going to another room and cleaning, changing clothes

4. Turn away from all your screens.

* Turn them off, out them in another room, or go somewhere without them
* Do not look at a screen until the timer ends

5. Remind yourself what you can control and what you're doing to be positive or have impact within your realm of control.

* Who actually needs me today?
* What do I need to complete today?
* What can I finish before sleeping tonight?
* What do I control?
* What and who can I influence?
* What opportunities do I have to be a good person to others AND MYSELF today?

Remember that you do have control over yourself, and, as a good person, you are doing everything you can. It's okay to be happy and have joy.

If this is you, save this. Use it the next time you have a sinking feeling after hearing the news.

You miss them so much you're about to reach out. “I just want to check in.”“I wonder how they’re doing.”“It wouldn’t mea...
03/26/2026

You miss them so much you're about to reach out.

“I just want to check in.”
“I wonder how they’re doing.”
“It wouldn’t mean anything.”

Admit it. We both know that message isn't casual.
You want a reply.
You miss the connection.
You want to bring them back into your day-to-day.

It's okay to miss them. It's okay to even write something, BUT DON'T SEND IT.

Ask yourself:
* What do I want to hear back?
* What do I do if they don't respond?
* What do I do if they do respond, and I don't like what they say?
* What does reaching out change?
* What if I don't trust anything they say?
* What happens if it's unsatisfactory?
* What if it turns into a conversation with more questions?
* What am I really trying to do here?

Missing someone can be so overwhelming that we feel like reaching out is the only thing we can do to feel better.

However reaching out rarely makes us feel better. Exploring our grief and understanding the full, true nature of the relationship and its ending is what actually makes us feel better.

Before you reach out, save this and read it first.

03/24/2026

You’re trying to move on, and people and (sometimes) your brain push you:

“Be angry.” “It’ll be easier if I see them differently.”

While anger quickly creates distance, anger is often true, real, and makes sense. But moving on doesn't always need anger or for the other person to be the villain.

You can feel hurt, disappointed, angry AND still care about them. When I've moved on, I had positive and negative feelings simultaneously.

If you're trying to move on, pause and remember that you don't need one emotion to go forward.

Here's an exercise I walk my clients through:

1) Write what you appreciated and what didn’t work

2) Ask if you always felt comfortable and safe in the relationship

3) Figure out if you were respected in conversations and decisions

4) Be honest. Were plans equally initiated? Whatever was said... Was there always follow-through?

Your answers will help you come to terms with moving on.

When we push ourselves to feel something negative just to make leaving easier, we confuse ourselves later and end up second-guessing decisions.

Moving on doesn’t require turning love into hate. It requires us to be honest about our experiences, accept all our feelings, and choose based on that.

Save this if you ever try to force yourself to have a specific feeling. You'll need it when your mind tries to rush the process.

03/23/2026

As Atlanta is our airport, my husband and I started monitoring Atl.com/times (now down) and watching Money Man Dan, the Delta representative who posts regularly from Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Man Dan

If you decide to fly, be patient, be kind, and be prepared.

Last week, we asked ourselves:

1) Why are we flying? What factors in our immediate realm of influence is compelling us to stay or go?

We originally were flying for our wedding anniversary trip, but work commitments came up requiring us to work all day on our trip (me) and to meet with clients in person (my husband, who is a partner at a law firm) about a billion-dollar transaction. So, time became precious.

2) How important is it to fly at that time and on that day?

Not important for us, given our work schedules.

3) What is unique about the trip that we can't experience another time or in another way?

Chicago and its Michelin star restaurants, arts culture, and music scene are not going anywhere. Plus, weather is better later in the year.

4) For the things we have scheduled, can we cancel, refund/get a credit, or reschedule? If we have tickets to some event that's not refundable, can we give the tickets or sell them to someone else? How much money would we be "out"?

We gave my cousin the tickets we had to an event. We were able to reschedule, refund, or cancel everything.

5) Do we have TSA PreCheck, Clear Plus, have high medallion status, and Sky Priority/flying first class?

Yes to all, in our case.

6) What is our tolerance for uncertainty and for waiting in potentially hours-long lines - either at security, getting to different terminals, driving to a smaller airport, or on the phone waiting for an agent the day of travel?

Our tolerance is very low.

Our options were:

1) Stick to our original plans or some variation of them with backup plans for backup plans.

2) Fly on Thursday or Friday out of a smaller airport.

3) Use a friend's plane or charter a plane but still leave Thurs or Fri.

4) Drive to Chicago.

5) Cancel/reschedule.

You’re about to text them. We both know how this goes. You’re not reaching out because anything changed.You’re reaching ...
03/22/2026

You’re about to text them. We both know how this goes.

You’re not reaching out because anything changed.

You’re reaching out because you miss them, and you’re about to ignore everything that made the relationship end.

This is the exact moment where people put themselves back in the same situation. Your brain is pulling the highlights. It's bringing up the best parts and rewriting (or ignoring) what happened.

So the feeling feels urgent and convincing.

Stop. Take a deep breath or ten. Don’t reach out.

Write it down instead. “I miss them.” “I want to reach out.”

Get it out of your head. Then, cry, sleep, sit with it.

Then, come back to the parts you keep skipping.

Why did it end? How did it go downhill?

What did they do? What did you do?
What didn’t they do? What didn't you do?
What was accepted longer than it should have?

Now, identify what would need to be different to go back or for the relationship to happen again.

Has that actually happened? Be honest.

If the answer is no, you’re about to walk back into the same situation.

If you’ve ever stared at your phone knowing you shouldn’t text and still want to, this is that moment.

Save this for when it happens again.
Or send it to the friend who keeps going back.

03/22/2026

It’s easy to stay because of time.

Save this for later. These questions and short exercise will help if you start second-guessing yourself.

Time together, routines, joint responsibilities, and shared history can make questioning a relationship very difficult. You can end up stuck, even when key issues aren’t resolved and conflict keeps happening.

The sunk cost fallacy is a cognitive bias where people continue something because of what they’ve already invested. In relationships, that investment includes time, effort, and shared plans and responsibilities. The more invested you feel, the harder it becomes to step back and evaluate what’s happening now.

It's important to be honest about your relationship and look at what's happening today.

ASK 3 QUESTIONS:

1) If you met this person today, knowing what you know now, would you choose them?
Base your answer on how they show up for you and in your life together, how decisions are made, and what actually happens daily.

2) What has changed in the last 6–12 months? List specific examples, behaviors, and actual changes. Intentions and conversations don't count.

3) Are your needs being met in observable, meaningful ways?
Look at how conflict is handled, whether plans are clear, and whether effort is consistent and positive over time.

A SHORT EXERCISE:

1) Write down what you need in a relationship.

2) Next to each item, write a real example from the past 30 days.
If you can’t name one, it’s not happening right now.

3) Take your answers to your questions and this exercise to your therapist and coach.

Follow for more content that's practical, science-backed, and evidence-based.

03/21/2026

* Save this before your next serious relationship conversation.
* Send this to someone who keeps getting pulled off topic when talking to their partner.
* Follow for direct, practical, and science-backed relationship guidance.

You aren't being dramatic or wanting too much by asking direct questions about clarity, direction, commitment, or next steps.

Before starting a conversation, observe and be clear about your view of things, your needs, and what you want.

ASK YOURSELF:

1) What do I want next, and by WHEN? Examples: engagement within 18 months, a plan to move, or defined steps to improve the marriage.

2) What has actually happened in the last 6–12 months? Specifically, you want to identify repeated delays, plans your partner followed through on, promises your partner kept, comments made, and where your partner focused time and effort (you/relationship? Work? Partner's wants only?)

3) What direction are we moving in right now? Look at your actions and your partner's actions. Notice the differences, if any.

4) What happens when I bring up something important? Does my partner stay on topic, shift the conversation, try to make me feel guilty, try to make me back down, or avoid any discussion?

5) Has this conversation happened before? What changed after? Has anything changed?

After you're clear, handle the conversation like this:

1) Open with a clear statement. Be brave.
Example: “I want to talk about where this is going and what we’re building.”

2) State what you want.
Example: "I’m looking for [specific next step] by [timeframe].”

3) Ask one direct question.
Example: “Is that something you want and are willing to move toward?”

4) Don't let them deflect or minimize. Bring it back, calmly and directly to your one question. Example: “I’m not talking about that. I’m asking about our direction.”

5) Don't fall for the trap of being called dramatic, sensitive, crazy, or overthinking. Example: “I’m asking a straightforward question about next steps.”

6) If they avoid answering, stay focused. Example: "I need a clear answer. If you don't know, just say that.”

7) Watch out if they try to loop the conversation back to a different issue or topic. Example:
“We’ve talked about this before. I’m asking what is different now.”

8) Close decisively. Be determined. (I know you can do it!) Summarize what was said and what will happen next.

Keep the conversation focused on direction, not on defending yourself.

You can love and like someone and still recognize if your needs aren't being met and if key parts of a healthy relations...
03/19/2026

You can love and like someone and still recognize if your needs aren't being met and if key parts of a healthy relationship are missing.

Here's a quick checklist:

1. Ask directly and early on. Examples:
“Are you looking for something consistent right now?”
“What does a relationship look like for you in the next few months?”

2. Look at patterns, not moments or the past few weeks. Look for:
Are plans made ahead of time?
Do they follow through without reminders?
Are conversations clear and direct?

3. Be definite about your minimum needs and expectations.
“I continue seeing someone only if they communicate clearly and plan ahead.”
“I stay with someone who is steadily by my side, not someone who is occasionally there.”

4. Respond to the patterns you observe.
If the same gaps keep showing up, that's valuable information which needs to be addressed.

03/18/2026

People afraid of commitment either tend to associate commitment with giving up something, like freedom, or have negative associations with formalizing the relationship or going to the next level.

If commitment feels like losing freedom, ask yourself these 3 questions and do this short exercise.

THE QUESTIONS:

1. Do I feel more clear or more confused when I’m with them?

Pay attention to your day-to-day experience with the person. Clear, healthy relationships have minimal second-guessing. Relationship confusion can show up as inconsistent behavior, mixed plans, or unclear expectations - all characteristics of unhealthy relationships.

2. Does this relationship make life easier to plan?

Commitment creates structure.
You can plan your time, redistribute energy, and understand priorities when you know where your relationship stands. Guessing week to week is not a characteristic of a healthy, committed relationship.

3. Am I choosing this, or avoiding something?

Sometimes, people delay commitment to keep their options open. Others avoid commitment because they're unsure about the person in front of them. They are two very different situations.

Commitment is a decision about direction; clear commitment says that you are building something together.

THE EXERCISE:

Write two short lists.

List 1: What you believe commitment takes away

List 2: What commitment could make easier in daily life

List 2 is significantly longer in relationships that offer healthy commitment. When a relationship includes stability, people often gain more freedom to focus on work, friendships, family, and personal goals.

It's easy to spend too long in situationships, undefined relationships, and in relationships that don't move forward or ...
03/18/2026

It's easy to spend too long in situationships, undefined relationships, and in relationships that don't move forward or grow, especially when we get comfortable or don't want to rock the boat.

However, despite seeing each other and talking regularly, you still may not know where it’s going.

These questions help you get specific about three things:
1) What you want and what they want
2) What you've shown and what they’ve shown
3) What the relationship actually is right now

If you’ve been here before, you already know that time can pass without a clear answer.

Direct questions shorten that timeline of waiting. People who want the same thing will answer clearly.
People who don’t will show that, too.

If this helped you think more clearly about your situation, follow for more direct, practical, and science-backed relationship guidance.

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