01/31/2026
Birth is beautiful, but it can also be traumatic. It was the hardest yet most amazing thing I’ve ever done.
I’ve shared my birth story with friends and family, but it’s one that carried and still carries a lot of trauma for me. Long story short, Avery came out quickly with intervention due to a drop in her heart rate. It was scary, but she was perfect and healthy.
About an hour later, things took a turn. I began bleeding, and they couldn’t figure out why. Suddenly, the room filled with people. I was heavily drugged, multiple interventions were tried, and I laid there sobbing as I watched my husband and newborn standing in the corner of the room, separated from me.
Eventually, I was taken to the OR and put under because the bleeding wouldn’t stop. I had a tear in my cervix that needed to be stitched. I was away from my baby for hours, over five if I remember correctly. It was terrifying and overwhelming.
My husband was left in recovery with our daughter, and I’m forever grateful for him and the nurses who took such good care of her.
When I was finally reunited with my baby and husband, I had lost so much blood that the next few days were a blur I barely remember. My hospital stay was hard. I was told I had a “sleepy baby,” struggled with breastfeeding, barely produced milk (likely due to the blood loss), and was triple feeding from the very beginning.
And this is the hardest part to share: I didn’t feel an immediate connection to my baby.
After being away from her for so long, I didn’t feel that instant bond everyone talks about. It took time. I felt so much guilt around this, but with therapy and time, I now understand that this was part of my trauma and my journey.
I wish I could go back and give my postpartum self a hug. Tell her it’s going to be okay. You will get through this. It’s not forever.
I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and so grateful to have a happy, healthy toddler now. Over a year later, I still cry writing and thinking about this moment, so amazing, yet so terrifying.
Hugs to all the moms out there. You got this 🫶
