We will defeat addiction

09/14/2017

forty years Ive left my footprint all over this earth
no respect for life, caused so much damage,mysery, and hurt
since birth I underestimated my worth
now I realize the power of my and of mind, actions, and words
didnt take me long to realize that I was a leader
I lead the sheep into the belly of the destroyer Shiva
once you meet her, your certain that you need her
she consumes your every thought and you need her more and more
on top of that shes a w***e and each time she charges more
she killed your best friend last week left him laying on the bathroom floor
instead of dealing with the problem you start doing more than ever before
all you friends and family distance themselves farther away
you blame, hate , and resent them for abandoning you that way
they didnt abandon you, u pushed them away and they couldnt stand to continue to see you that way
your in total isolation cause youpushed the ones that truly loved you farther and farther away
now you hate yourself and feel like the biggest piece of s**t
so you go to the one that makes you feel good and all the problems you forget
but everything that you forget it never goes away
all you did was hide behind the drugs because you were afraid
but that never solves your problems only makes them worse
on top of that your strung out facing years in prison or even worse
then all of a sudden it hits you like a message from a higher power
from that very instant the beast loses all its power over you
for countless years its blinded you so you couldnt see the truth
but the centuries of fog inside your brain begin to disappear
memories return, your ultra focused everything is clear
born again, second chance one day at a time
stay focused, enter beastmode, wake up everyday and stay on th grind

08/05/2017

08/03/2017

This is my first post in over 3 months. My addiction cause me to be hospitalized for almost one month. I caught a Mercer staph infection they got in my bloodstream and gave me pneumonia and also cause a heart condition that almost killed me. I have been out for almost a month now and have healed up almost completely. I am truly blessed do not have passed away. I turn 40 years of age and was a drug abuser for most of those years. Now I have been clean for three months and have no desire to go back to that lifestyle. IO all my loved ones much more then I have given them before. Just has definitely been a wake up call from now on I'm living my life to the fullest clean sober I am truly lucky to have so many people that love and care for me even after all the years of me being a selfish lying worthless untrustworthy unreliable poor excuse for a man. Now I'm getting back to being the man I was before I became an addict. I want to thank everyone that stood by my side through all the tough times I put them through and also I want to let them know I will do my best to make it up to them. I also want to let the ones that I pushed away know that I understand why they had to leave and I don't blame you.

05/10/2017

Reformers unanimous. Completed six challenges and got my name tag! We meet every Friday night at 7.

04/21/2017

Friday nights at 7pm!

03/25/2017

I learned a valuable lesson recently. Addiction has caused so much pain, anger, resentment, and guilt to build up inside me that every time I wake up I reach out my hand to pull another lost soul into the light! BUT, they don't see the light, they don't believe that they are in the dark so they pull me back down until I am forced to let them go. I believed I had the strength to lift them up. Sadly mistaken I lift myself back up and continue to rise because I realize my actions or lack thereof effect so many people in so many ways that if I fall just once more they will be forced to let go of me.

03/11/2017

03/09/2017

Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete as human means if if women and men did not exert themselves be secure in their persons, nay no effort to harvest food or construct shelter there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce the Earth wouldn't be populated. So he's desires - for s*x relation for material and emotional security and for companionship are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God given.

Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling Our Lives. Our desires for s*x, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. Thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being however good is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, are great natural assets, the instincts, has turned into physical and mental liabilities.

We must look deeply into ourselves and discover which of these liabilities of our unnatural desires have warped us. And the and happiness they have caused others and ourselves. When and only when we find these deformities can we begin the process of correcting them head without a willing and persistent effort to do this there will be little sobriety or contentment for us. until we go through this process many of us have found the faith which really works in daily living is still Out Of Reach.

03/03/2017

Sometimes you just got to forget about how f_ed up the world is and look real close throught all the madness and the chaos and you will see the divine beauty.

02/26/2017

40 years so far I left my footprint all over this Earth no respect for Life cause so much damage and caused somuch hurt
Since my birth I underestimate my worth
Now I realized the power of my mind and strength of my words. Didn't take me long to realize I was a leader I need the sheep into the belly of the Beast called shiva at first you are seduced and you are certain that you need her she consumes your every thought and you need her more and more on top of that shes a w***e shes charging more and more she killed my bestfriend last week left him laying on the bathroom floor instead of dealing with the problem you start doing more than ever before. All your friends and family distance themselves farther away you blame you hate you resent how you got abandon that way. They they did not abandon you they could no longer see you this way you're in total isolation slowly push the ones that love you farther farther away.now you hate yourself and feel like the biggest piece of s**t. But I got H she loves me makes me feel so great tHat all my problems I simply forget but everything that I forget it never goes away all I did was hide behind the H because I was afraid. That never solves the problem it only makes it worse on top of thAt your strung out facing prison in and out of court. It finally hits you like a message from a higher power. From that moment on H loses all its power over me. For countless years she blinded me I could not see the truth. But the centuries worth of fog inside my brain begins to disappear. Memories return im ultra focused e everything is clear. Born again, second chance, one day at a time. I have finally entered beast mode and im staying on the grind!