David Flowers Couples Teletherapy

12/11/2025

“In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other’s emotional well-being.”

12/01/2025

I always use a real-life bird story with my couples, so this is perfect!

11/03/2025

I haven't been posting these regularly, but this one from last month is probably my favorite so far.

Most couples talk about everything BUT their relationship. Then, when problems come up, there can be anxiety around simply having a conversation about something important. In this video you will learn three questions couples can ask and answer daily to a) make real conversation a normal part of the relationship, and 2) stay in emotional contact with each other.

Most couples talk about everything BUT their relationship. Then, when problems come up, there can be anxiety around simply having a conversation about someth...

11/03/2025

10/18/2025

This is doubly true in couple relationships, where you have two people, each with their own triggers and blind spots.

10/07/2025

Sorry for my huge logo. It used to be when I posted a blog link, it automatically featured the photo for that particular post. Not sure when that changed.

You might be on this page right now because you're just exploring my site. More likely, you've heard about discernment counseling, or someone told you to look it up online, and you're curious. After all, it's a fairly new process used in the field of relationship counseling, and most people aren't f...

08/22/2025

As a couples counselor in the trenches with struggling couples day in and day out, I’m surprised how often one partner reports the other doesn’t shower, brush teeth, change clothes, and/or apply deodorant regularly.

Let’s get as clear about this as possible. If your partner has this complaint about you, what they’re saying is they are repulsed by you! And in a way you have 100% control over and could correct instantly and permanently if you wanted to. Instead of arguing why they shouldn’t be grossed out (ignoring the deep and ancient human disgust response), just fix the problem.

Someone who will not do this incredibly easy thing is certainly not going to be open to listening carefully and empathetically to issues their partner has that are less physical and more emotional and therefore often much harder to correct.

Often the things being neglected in relationships are basic things most of us are taught in childhood: be nice; apologize when you hurt someone’s feelings; listen when someone is talking to you; brush your teeth; bathe or shower; express appreciation; say please and thank you; keep the commitments and promises you make; don’t lie or cheat; help people when they need help and don’t complain; don’t yell and throw fits when you aren’t getting your way; don’t ever use violence or words to coerce people against their will; honor the rights of other people to make their own choices; honor the boundaries other people set; help when help is requested.

These are elements of basic human goodness and decency. If you never learned these as a kid, or if you struggle to apply them in your intimate relationship, get in touch with a therapist who can help.

08/04/2025

Experts Warn AI Chatbots May Worsen Mental Health Crises. A Guardian analysis highlights that, while AI chatbots are rising as therapy alternatives, their tendency toward “agreeable” responses and in–context learning can foster unhealthy dependency, delusional thinking, or suicidal ideation in vulnerable users. Specialists call for tighter regulation and clinical oversight to mitigate these emerging risks.
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This is one of many studies I have seen coming out about using AI for mental health. For fifty years we have known that the most healing thing about therapy is not the therapist's specific training (psychologist, social worker, counselor, etc.) or how much schooling they received--it's the connection, the fit, the spark, between therapist and client.

In other words, it's all about the quality of HUMAN CONNECTION. No matter what words a chatbot might use, and how warm they might sound, they do not--and cannot-- CARE. People want, and need, to be deeply cared for, heard, and understood. It's only in that context that meaningful change can happen.

This isn't a panic piece. Telling an AI you just broke up with your partner and what ten things would they suggest you do can be fine--as long as you take those answers with a grain of salt. We're a very long way from AI bots being doctors, therapists, and other real agents of care and change, and we may never get there.

When professional services are overstretched, ‘always-on’ tools like ChatGPT can look attractive. But users must be wary of the many risks involved

07/31/2025

This is why communication skills are critical. You have to talk about the hard things, but if you don’t know how to do that, then even trying to discuss your problems is going to be part of your problem.

06/26/2025

Not liking what your partner has to say, and even being hurt by it, doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is being “mean” to you.

Attacking your character, calling you names, comparing you unfavorably to others, yelling at you, swearing at you, telling you you’re “crazy,” making fun of your physical features, questioning your intelligence, or telling you that no one else could possibly love you, all those are examples of meanness.

Your partner telling you calmly that something you said or did (or failed to do or say) upset them or hurt their feelings *is not* meanness. It’s just something you might not enjoy hearing. But if your partner tells you something like this clearly and gently, your job is to listen openly and try to accept at least a small amount of responsibility.

If you cannot bring yourself to do this, please seek professional help for the sake of your partner and your relationship.