09/18/2025
Children aren’t born with fully developed skills for patience, self-control, or emotional regulation — those take years to grow. It changes everything when we stop asking, “Why are they like this?” and start asking, “What skills are still growing here?”
When we take the perspective that our child is truly doing the best they can with the brain development they have, patience and empathy become possible.
A child’s brain is still under construction. Impulse control, emotional regulation, perspective-taking — these aren’t fully wired yet. When we remember that, we shift from seeing defiance to seeing development. From assuming “won’t” to recognising “can’t” — at least not yet.
The truth is, the parts of the brain responsible for these skills — especially the prefrontal cortex — continue developing well into the mid-twenties. That means children and teens don’t yet have the same capacity to pause, reflect, and self-regulate as an adult does. They are practicing — and they need support, not pressure, as they do.
And here’s what often gets overlooked: stress can actually slow that growth. Environments filled with tension, fear, or constant criticism keep the nervous system in survival mode, where learning and regulation can’t thrive.
Safety and connection, on the other hand, speed it up. A calm, steady presence literally helps wire the brain for calm and steadiness.
That shift doesn’t mean we drop boundaries. It means we hold them with more patience, empathy, and clarity. Because when we meet a child where their brain truly is — not where we wish it was — we give them the safety and support they need to keep growing into it.
Every moment of patience we offer then, is an investment — in wiring their brain for safety, confidence, and connection that will carry them long after childhood ends. ❤️
Quote Credit: ❣️
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