Jonathan Beyer, PhD, LP

10/06/2021

In 2019, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that 8 percent of U.S. adults screened positive for Generalized Anxiety Disorder; by May 2020, that number was surging toward 30 percent! (Psychology Today, August 2021). This is a significant increase and the uncertainties fueled by COVID are likely a strong contributing factor. Our brains struggle trying to manage the incoming anxiety and when stricken with immense anxiety, we become less rational and able to think through things. This is typically a time when individuals seek treatment because other areas of their lives are being effected by their inability to resolve the anxiety. One's typical means of coping with the anxiety has become overwhelmed; their symptoms worsen. Treatment might include going to your primary care physician for medication. Research shows that approximately one-third of individuals show no benefit from an SSRI (antidepressant)! However, that same research shows that cognitive-behavioral therapy yields medium to large effect sizes.

Dr. Brewer, M.D., Ph.D. hypothesizes that anxiety can become a habit where we learn to use worry as a means of dealing with unpleasant things in our lives (i.e., Covid, financial difficulties, etc.) When one worries, he or she feels productive; that a solution has been developed to deal with those unpleasant things. Dr. Brewer writes; "This is habit formation in action: If we feel anxious because we can't control what's happening (trigger), we can at least worry about it (behavior), which feels as if we're doing something (reward)." Unfortunately, worrying rarely resolves the issue and only uncovers more to worry about; a negative feedback loop has developed that increases one's anxiety. This is not a good pattern and was a part of Borkovec's theory (1994) of anxiety and worry.

In my work with patients, I have found evidence of Borkovec's theory and the work by Dr. Brewer. It is important to examine this relationship between anxiety and worry using a cognitive-behavioral mode of treatment to unravel the habit that has developed; helping the individual identify how really unrewarding anxiety and worry truly is. It is important to develop more productive feedback loops per se. For Dr. Brewer, he writes how helping the patient approach anxiety with kindness and curiosity feels a lot better than worrying. He said his program reduces anxiety in patients by 57% in three months and by 67% for those suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder after two months!

These are good results as there is plenty to worry about in our ever changing world. Changing how we address anxiety cognitively, will help us develop a better means of coping with it behaviorally.

09/08/2021

07/06/2021

My posting today will focus on aspects that are positive, or healthy for our marital relationships. I sometimes refer to them as "protective factors;" things we do that protect our relationships from decline or unhealthy conflict. The first of these is being committed to our partner; that we are not looking elsewhere for emotional support or believing that someone else would be a better fit for us. It's not hard to become committed to other things such as work or our own interests. Secondly, it is crucial that we communicate well with each other. It is important to take the time to sit down and talk. Healthy conflict is a protective factor. I can tell a lot about couples by whether or not they are sitting in the waiting room glued to their phones and not each other versus those that are engaged in discussion. We need to be patient with each other as well. It is important to see your partner in a positive light; to offer a rational explanation for what they are doing or the choice(s) they have made. This includes being patient with them when they do something different than what you expect or want from them. This takes a little more work than focusing on the negative reasons but it benefits the relationship over time. It is important to compliant your partner each day and ensure that you are sending texts or keeping in touch in other ways such as stopping by their work place and taking them out for lunch. And finally, it is so important to be intimate with each other: to have chemistry between you. Healthier relationships do things that promote time together. This includes going for walks, playing cards, or sitting outside on the deck enjoying a beverage. While on your walk, hold hands, or give each other a hug each morning before work. I believe buying your partner their favorite food or drink while at the store goes a long way too at building intimacy. Couples that connect physically and emotionally have healthier relations.

11/22/2019

Seasonal Affective Disorder. What is it? It is a type of depression that results from seasonal changes. It is a more common disorder that can last several months. Also referred to as "SAD." SAD is more common for those between the ages of 18 and 35 and more common in females. Symptoms can include oversleeping, sleepiness during the daylight hours, low energy, trouble concentrating, low to no motivation to exercise, carbohydrate cravings, weight gain, withdrawal from social situations, and a down, depressed mood during specific months. Your medical doctor or mental health professional can help with diagnosing the disorder. In terms of treating the symptoms, there are several options. You can exercise, talk with your doctor about over-the-counter options such as Vitamin D, investing in a light box, getting outside more, and being more active with friends. Other options include talking with your doctor about a prescribed medication, meditation and/or scheduling an initial session with a mental health professional.

09/20/2019

In my practice, I have found that one troubling aspect of communication in dysfunctional family patterns is the act of colluding, sometimes as referred to as triangulating. You typically see this behavior when the paternal and/or maternal head of household is struggling with addiction or significant mental health issue. This can include having problems with a gaming addiction. This type of communication involves lies, secrets, and an intent to exclude or hurt another. The addicted individual and his or her subordinates are unable to openly express their thoughts and feelings for fear that they will lose their power or position in the family, that the real self will be revealed to others, or simply to hurt another with emotional blackmail (i.e., the withholding of emotional connection with you). An example would be that they do not call you or do not send you birthday cards. This can be an example of passive-aggressive behavior as well. Other behaviors may include withdrawing their emotional support from you but not from others in the family. They may judge you in error and are unwilling to discuss their perceptions and why they have them. They may alienate you from family events and communication but share that information with others. Again, the goal is to grasp onto some false sense of power or to avoid being held accountable for other addictive behaviors that are the cause of the deteriorating family relatonships. They triangulate with others to develop a venue to direct or place gult and shame onto you. If you find yourself in the presence of such patterns, it is important to reassure yourself you are not the cause but that you find youself in the addicted family system . You may benefit from attending an Alanon group or processing through how you feel with a clinician competent in the area of addiction. I have seen patients benefit from detaching as well. I would not suggest trying to confront the situation. The addicted individual and their subordinates are often defensive and may try to further guilt and shame you. Find a healthy support system where you can feel accepted for your individual thoughts and feelings.

09/05/2019

This post is regarding the importance of being consistent with our children and providing them structure. The foundation of a good parenting approahch. When we are consistent with them, it lessens their anxiety and helps to build a foundation from which they can develop and mature. If you say you are going to do something and do not, your son or daughter cannot come to rely on you. They can become anxious and angry. This can lead to acting out behavior and subsequently delayed social and emotional development. It can affect their academic achievement and their relations with you and others. In our busy worlds, it is important to begin at a young age with them providing structure and consistency. For example, now that the school year has begun again, have them turn off their electronics early and go to bed at a consistent time. Make sure this happens the same time each night which can be challenging if you work late or the children go between homes due to divorce and you find yourself being a single parent. Do not promise to do something with them that you know you cannot do. Children are understanding and forgiving but we need to be honest with them. They need chores and need to know that getting their homework finished is important. It is helpful to post weekly chores on the refrigerator and set aside a consistent time after school to have them complete their homework. If they do not, then ensure that you follow through with a consequence or other learning/teaching intervention. I suggest having them do their chores and homework after school and not wait until after dinner or later into the evening. When our children come to trust us, their projected development is greatly enhanced!

07/30/2019

Whether you find yourself married 5 years, 15 years, or more, it is important to take an inventory of how it is you communicate with your spouse, significant other, or partner. If you hold things in to avoid upsetting your spouse/partner or find yourself communicating through your children then you fall more on the lefthand side of the communication continuum. It is also known as being passive. These individuals are trying to avoid conflict. If you find yourself or significant other threatening or swearing when trying to get your thoughts or feelings out, you fall on the righthand side of that same continuum. This is also known as being aggressive. These are the individuals trying to control those around them but become defensive when you try to provide them feedback. However, if you find yourself telling your spouse, partner, significant other how you feel, what your thoughts are, then you fall somewhere in the middle of the communication continuum known as being assertive. You know you are in a healthy relationship when you can share with others close to you your thoughts and feelings without being judged, alienated, or told you are wrong. In controlling relationships, those close to you will emotionally abuse you with their communication or lack of. This includes alienating you from family events, avoiding talking with you, and subsequently telling others behind your back what they think about you. It really is divisive in unhealthy family systems and very difficult to change. I find these unhealthy patterns more prevalent in addictive family systems or those with family members or significant others struggling with mental health issues. It is really difficult if it is a close family member as some of you may know. If you find that you fall on the passive or aggressive ends of the continuum most of the time, or live with another that does, there is help out here for you. It is difficult to change these patterns and the people that exhibit them. It takes time but change can occur.

03/28/2019

It is important to be physically active. Research supports the connection between physical activity and an increase in natural endorphins. The same endorphins that help improve mood and energy. Some of this know this as a "runners high." Although I don't run much anymore, a brisk walk can be a good substitute. I hope you are all out enjoying the changing season.

03/03/2019

Trust is one, of not the most important component of a relationship. We develop trust with each other through interactions. In otherwords, trust is a byproduct of interactions. In marriage, spending time doing things (i.e., date nights) and sharing memories helps develop this trust over time. There are many factors that inhibit trust as well. However, my post today is on emphasizing the importance of spending time together. Younger couples with children find it chalenging to do so with family and work demands. Schedule a night at the movie or a movie night with friends, get outdoors at least weekly or every other week and exercise together, or visit a restaurant. Trust is also developed when we ae are struggling and sit down and resolve the difference. Don't be one of those couples that avoid conflict. It is OK, a quite healthy, to say how you are feeling and have the other person hear and respond to you. say to yourself I don't want to say anything because they will get upset with me. Resolving difference and understanding each other actually brings us closer and avoiding conflict separate us. Lastly, take some time to reach out and touch your partner, send them a text, or come home early and have dinner ready.

02/08/2019

In my work with couples, one of the biggest presenting "problems" most of them say is that there is a lack of emotional connection in their relationship. It does not matter if they have been together one year or fifty years; when their connection is limited, it needs to be addressed. What is important is how the couple deals with the lack of connection in the interim.

02/07/2019

I'm having some success getting the pieces together for those trying to resolve and/or break free from the alcoholic family system. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, it is quite a challenge. The biggest step is admitting to having one. The alcoholic, chemically dependent, gambler (all compulsive behaviors) typically try to control the family relations through bullying, collusion, and other means of aggression. Once you identify the problem, then the next step is how to bring it out into the open.

01/19/2019

Unlike most events/issues in life; it is my opinon that the alcoholic (a.ka. compulsive behavior) affects the family unlike no other issue or individual. For starters, what makes an alcoholic an alcoholic is not how much they drink but what happens to them when they drink. A person can drink once a year and still be an alcoholic. The second piece I want to develop is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. As the individual engages in drinking, his or her brain is altered and does not return to its former condition. So if an alcoholic stops drinking for five years and begins again, the disease continues where it left off. The brain does not return to its state before the drinking altered I have heard people say that an alcoholic can control their drinking. Only if they have not been diagnosed as an alcoholic or weren't an alcoholic to begin with. These are difficult concepts for many to accept and undertstand.