04/21/2020
A New Journey
It has been quite a while since I last posted, but it is not entirely due to the global pandemic and the sequalae it has led to in all of our lives. We are all on a new journey, one that none of us could ever have anticipated, as we adjust and navigate life with COVID-19. It is much like a living nightmare as this type of situation only occurred in Sci-fi movies and shows like ER and Grey’s Anatomy, yet it is our new reality. The impact has gone beyond what anyone might have expected as many of us are sheltered at home doing our part to stay safe so we can help keep others safe and well. In the midst of this very volatile local, national and global situation, my family has had yet another personal challenge to contend with which is why I have neglected sending out a post for over a month.
In addition to caring for my mother who has metastatic cancer, my husband recently became seriously ill due to a late post-heart transplant complication (he was blessed to receive the gift of life with a new heart in 2009). Last month Neil was in and out of the hospital, but mostly in the hospital, the majority of the month right as COVID-19 was really ramping up in our area and hospital restrictions for visitors took effect. What an incredible strain for us to be apart during some of his hospital stays, especially when I was unable to go into the emergency room with him when he was ravaged with fever and pain due to the illness and subsequent treatments. I could never have imagined just dropping my husband off at the ER and not knowing when I would see him again, but that is what I had to do and I thought I would lose it in that moment when I was told “you can’t go in with him”. Instead of losing control I quietly and lovingly said “I’ll see you soon” and went back home to get my mom ready so I could take her for her cancer treatment at the same hospital I was banned from going into with my husband. The thoughts that were whirling through my head quieted only by mindful meditation moments. Because Neil had a fever, he had to be tested for COVID-19 and was then sent to an isolation unit created in the hospital for this pandemic. It was a time of great fear and was horrific for the two of us to be apart. It was like living within a horror film, but it was really happening to us. After many hours in strict isolation with his only human contact being a courageous nurse in her full PPE (personal protective equipment) to hang antibiotics, he was finally told he was negative for the virus and could be moved to a regular room (whatever that means today, since nothing is really regular in the hospital these days). Thankfully he made it home safely after the third admission and he is slowly recovering, but he will require further treatments where we will have to navigate the new outpatient clinic world with everyone wearing their PPE. Obviously going for outpatient treatments is more bearable for both of us than having him in the hospital. Now that he is home, his healing process has begun through unconditional love, emotional support, nourishment, meditation, progressive exercise and rest – LOTS of rest!
Through this global and personal new journey, I have fully appreciated how vitally important self-care is especially for the caregiver as they provide the needed care for others. While there were many times I could have easily fallen apart emotionally and physically during this ordeal, I felt strongly grounded due to my personal self-care practices that include nature walks (even if they were brief some days), gentle yoga, meditation, adequate sleep/rest (when possible), wholesome nutrition (somedays this meant eating the not so fresh veggies and fruit on Neil’s hospital tray, but at least I was getting some nutrients) and lastly GRATITUDE. Despite all of the chaos, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty I was able to maintain a sense of gratitude – gratitude for our wonderful and supportive family and friends and for all of the amazing health care workers and support staff at the hospital including the personnel in dietary, environmental, and transport services. I salute you all and give thanks for your being there to help in times of need!
While I reflect on gratitude as being a part of self-care, I want to share a gratitude practice that has been personally beneficial and one that I have shared with my patients, students, workshop participants, colleagues, and family in need of an emotional uplift.
"Three Good Things"
1. Begin by thinking about what happened in your day and write down three positive things, either small or big that brought about a smile or laughter, feelings of accomplishment at work or home, a strengthened connection with a family member, friend, co-worker, acquaintance or a stranger, and/or a sense of hope for the future.
2. You can begin your journal entry with "I am grateful for..." and write your statements.
3. An alternative to the Three Good Things exercise is to write a short journal entry in paragraph form about a positive experience.
4. Journal entries can be done daily or 3-4 times a week.
5. When feeling down, take out your journal read your entries and reflect on the many positive things in your life.
I hope you consider giving it a try and may you find some comfort as you reflect on that which is good in your lives, even in the midst of adversity.
May you all be safe and stay well!