Grief in Recovery

12/31/2023

For 2024….
Hold gentle memories of loved ones in your heart to bring in the new year
Remind yourself that addiction keeps you from being who you want to be and having the life you want to have

10/28/2023

I wanted to share this podcast I did with New Waters Recovery in Raleigh, NC. My sincere hope is that it offers you some insight on the relationship between grief and substance use that will be helpful in your own journey.

In this episode of Finding New Waters Podcast, hosts Dr. Harold Hong and Justin Mclendon welcome grief counselor and interfaith minister AnnE O'Neil to discuss the intersection between grief and substance use, including the five gates of grief, and the role of spirituality in the recovery process.

09/24/2023

01/04/2023

I am very excited to share this podcast I was interviewed for on from the Holistic Counseling Podcast. No surprise…. I am speaking on the Holistic Healing for Grief, acknowledging how crucial that is since grief affects every area of our lives.
I hope this is helpful to you.

What are the many levels of grief? Why is it so important to define what grief is for you in order to heal? MEET AnnE O’Neil I am an LCSWA / LCASA whose primary focus is on the intersection of grief…

09/22/2022

Wordle 460 3/6

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09/03/2022

Wordle 441 6/6

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06/27/2022

Grief is about more than just the death of loved ones

We grieve all losses - the loss of love, the loss of freedom, the loss of hope, the loss of feeling respected. Right now, much of this country is in deep grief. Where to go from here?
- As always, feel your feelings - all of them. The sadness, the anger, the despair. Anything that is coming up. Sit with it. Get to know it. Listen to it. Give it your attention.
- Reinforce your recovery. Get back to the basics of what got you clean and sober. Remind yourself that this is not going to be fixed by using. The feelings are not going to be made easier. You are not likely to have better clarity on what the future may bring and if there is any action you are to take. Using will only feed the big feelings that are challenging you already.
- Connect with others that help you to honor your grief. Not those that negate it. Not those that are going to try to fix it. Those that can listen deeply and be a witness.
- Reinforce your recovery. Get back to the basics of what got you clean and sober. Remind yourself that this is not going to be fixed by using. The feelings are not going to be made easier. You are not likely to have better clarity on what the future may bring and if there is any action you are to take. Using will only feed the big feelings that are challenging you already.
- Be gentle with yourself. Easy does it. Do what you need to do - and if that's all you get to, that's fine. Also be generous in what your assessment of what you need to do in this moment is. We are trained to keep busy, to accomplish. The truth is most of us can claim much more space for ourselves than we do - but it does take letting go.
- Reinforce your recovery. Get back to the basics of what got you clean and sober. Remind yourself that this is not going to be fixed by using. The feelings are not going to be made easier. You are not likely to have better clarity on what the future may bring and if there is any action you are to take. Using will only feed the big feelings that are cfhallenging you already.

Yes, I am aware that the paragraph on "Reinforce your recovery" got included three times. It's because I have sat with hundreds of people that have shared how grief has impacted their use - either causing a spike in drinking or drugging, or a relapse of many that had been in recovery. It is not inevitable. Take extra good care of yourself in these tough times.

05/23/2022

Using Ancestors as your Higher Power

As a grief counselor who specializes in working with people in recovery, I have been asked by many if I felt it was appropriate to look at an ancestor as a Higher Power. With this question, people are usually referring to a particular person who has passed over with whom they’ve had a really strong connection. My answer is an enthusiastic “Absolutely!”

When considering the ideal traits of a Higher Power (HP), those generally include having power beyond oneself, being loving, and knowing and caring about the person whose HP it is. Quite often, that loving grandparent, aunt or uncle, or maybe even a parent fits all that perfectly. By having left behind their human body and become a part of the spiritual realm, they have access to way more than we can in the physical world, inherently giving them more power than we have in embodied form. It is also safe to assume they have been able to release many, if not all, of their human egoic traits that may have gotten in the way of our relationship with them - their judgements, their fears, their other limitations. Because of that, they are available to us in a more pure state of love. Hopefully this recognition can bring about some peace and trust by surrendering to the guidance and love coming from your ancestor / HP.

Deepening your spiritual connection with a loved one that has passed over by honoring them as a Higher Power can not only help your recovery; it can also help the process of healing from grief. Too often the focus in dealing with grief is only on the emotions being experienced due to the loss - the denial, depression, anger, confusion, etc. But the reality is many people do feel a connection to their loved one no longer on this Earth with them and this can bring great comfort. The problem is that in our society we are taught not to talk about that or to trust that it’s real. My belief is that in order to heal from the loss, we need to both be able to both work with the feelings we are having but also be able to recognize the ongoing spiritual connection and to honor we are building our relationship with the deceased in a different form. It is a more complete way of being with the loss than to simply shut the door on a deeply meaningful relationship that may not exist still in physical form but that doesn’t mean it is not a part of our life.

So, yes, accept the guidance and love that ongoing soul / heart connection with your ancestor can bring. Trust it. Allow it to lead you to your Highest Good.