03/07/2026
When things are escalating during conflict, the Gottmans () have identified six categories of things you can say to help de-escalate the situation:
• “I feel...” - A statement that describes your own feelings, e.g., “I’m getting worried.”
• Sorry - A statement that takes responsibility for your part, e.g., “My reaction was too extreme.”
• Get to Yes - A statement that shows openness to compromise, e.g., “I never thought of things that way.”
• I Need to Calm Down - A statement that expresses the need for a break or soothing, e.g., “Can we take a break?”
• Stop Action! - A statement that expresses a need to stop/pause the interaction or change course, e.g., “We’re getting off track.”
• “I appreciate...” - A statement of appreciation, e.g., “Thank you for being patient with me.”
To see a more complete list, check out the Gottman blog:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/r-is-for-repair/
Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.
